A memory,
a recollection of her
of my looking out
of a sunny window,
my face warmed by its glass,
I blinked, as she walked past
and through my line of sight,
and unbeknown to me
she had looked in
and was gone.
rewrite;
words and foto Tommy Carroll
Cheers Martin, warm and lost sums it up. :-)
Cynthia hi, I'm afraid I was having a "moment" of cerebral disconnect - (as I'm trying to write "cerebral" six times at it.) Cheers for your comment, l came back just now to check. (cerebral disconnect had nothing to do with the drink by the way) Cheers Tommy
Consider it rewritten :-)
I love the whole feeling of warmth with this one Tommy and being lost in the moment.
Lovely imagery and I can feel regret and nostalgia and hope all in one between the words....
Tommy, I really like the intent of this. The idea is beautiful. But I'm not sure of its development from line to line, perhaps the punctuation, perhaps the capital letter for 'She' which may not indicate the beginning of a new idea after all, but intending 'Goddess-like' woman. I had a hard time, but that could be just me.
I do think 'stood staring out' is superfluous. I wouldn't be so bold with anyone I didn't know and fully respect. I hope I'm right.
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Tommy Carroll
Sat 14th Nov 2015 18:05
Hi Katy, you got 2 out of 3, hope not being one of them;-) cheers Tommy