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Dark

Dark

It is the darkest of dark                              

An inky black of Carbon Sea

Where sky and water are of one

Where hell in its fury is unleashed

As it sweeps and swaggers

Upon all it surveys

Fury set ablaze

Its shadow cast upon sea and land

Every man, woman or child that falls

Beneath its breath

Beneath its gaze that witness

The spark and crackle of razor white rod

Cross black open sky

Snapping and roaring

Rolling and rumbling

A titan rising up from the deep

Its stomach

Thundering and grumbling

As its mighty scream reverberates and echo’s

 A beginning before the main course

 

Its anger now unleashed

Snarling and growling

Falling upon any unfortunate craft caught

Crashing across whipped up waves

Of foam and fume

One moment a mountain

The next a valley

Terrified ships cling on to water’s edge

Riding and climbing

Descending and plying through

Brackish darkest green and black

Twisted wind and driven rain fall upon

Deck and sail

Creaking, snapping, tearing and ripping

Giant hands grip and pull

Tossing and throwing ships

As if mere toys

 

Finally when rage has run its course

All will become clear bright and blue

With no further sign or smell

Of blackened brimstone squall

No smoke to choke the very heart and lungs

Of all that bear witness to that which has gone before

Just the sweet, sharp tang of open sea

And clear blue horizon

Nothing left, no one to contest

Nothing to suggest what has occurred

But for skeleton of prow and mast

Now a place where Plank and barrel

Float on this glistening gloating pond

Bobbing and rubbing on to silver sand.......

By slurping gentle tide          

 

Based loosely on turners painting 'the deluge'

◄ Summers such as these

Drop the needle ►

Comments

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Martin Elder

Fri 20th Nov 2015 17:54

Thanks Ray, Stu and Laura again for giving it a second reading I am really grateful for all your comments. It is good to get positive feedback from such brilliant poets, as yourselves Patricio and David. After a disappointing week this has made my day. Cheers !
My problem is that I have to resist the temptation to tinker with it any further.

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Laura Taylor

Fri 20th Nov 2015 10:57

That was time very well spent then Martin. I've returned to say a bit more because it is such a fantastic write. The words you selected are big and scary and have a thunderous quality to them. They are majestic and you have placed them such that I can HEAR and SEE this oceanic cacophony. As the daughter of a sailor, he described to me many a time how they would have 60 foot waves (and then some) rearing up and crashing down around them. God, makes me shiver just thinking about it.

The syntax and rhythm are just perfect, can't fault them. You should be very proud of this piece.

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raypool

Thu 19th Nov 2015 21:28

fantastic tone poem full of dread and fear - and also exhilaration for those with strong nerves! Great use of description. I could hear the noise of it, and the lungful of relief by the end. It reminds me of Britten's Sea Interludes, also really evocative.

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Stu Buck

Thu 19th Nov 2015 21:25

With no further sign or smell

Of blackened brimstone squall

No smoke to choke the very heart and lungs

thats a pretty sexy three lines right there.

i enjoyed this, then left it at that. today i came back, studied the painting and re-read. for me, its a fine piece of writing and borders on ekphrastic in its detail and commitment to the artwork.

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Martin Elder

Thu 19th Nov 2015 19:40

Thanks David, Laura and Patricio. I spent a lot of time on this one trying to get it right.
Your comments are much appreciated.

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Patricio LG

Thu 19th Nov 2015 15:00

It tells a tale that can be read while leaving ones imagination open to divulge as deep as it needs to unravel a perfect picture... Wonderful

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Laura Taylor

Thu 19th Nov 2015 14:42

Oh this is excellent. Hugely evocative, and very exciting. Well done!

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