Stuart Buck

inter vivos

by Stuart Buck

Tuesday 8th December 2015 7:52 pm

Carrions of clan and kin spin above

Slit wrists slick with gore not yet clotted

Throat torn open exposing crimson jewellery

A gathering the likes of which she never witnessed

Hallways full of dust and death swept clean by fair weather

Steaming piles of local news and pills not taken smother the carpets

Suicide luncheon served in her abandoned house while uncles light cigarettes

On five pound notes stuffed in the sienna stained mattress pillows plumped with paranoia

Force fed aunts and fat fiancées swoop down to feast on the remains of their unknown sibling

And then dissolve

Like ghosts

Awaiting the next death

The next murmur

The next tumour

The next slip in the shower

Inter vivos

◄ causa mortis

julia ►

Comments

Stu Buck

Wed 9th Dec 2015 16:56

hello harry! always great to see such an in depth comment. the poem is actually about the reaction of a family to a womans death. inter vivos is a legal term denoting a gift made during ones lifetime. the whole poem is about the woman never seeing her family until the end when they swept (like fair weather or carrions) upon her to strip her of her commodities (the crimson jewellery). the suicide luncheon refers to the meeting of the family in her abode after she died. on the shape, i must admit to a folly here. i did originally have it sloping then dropping off, but when centred it looked appealingly like a lamp and so i left it! how very un-poetic i know! im glad you enjoyed the poem and it is great to get such in depth feedback, it tells me where i went wrong and what i did right which i love!

Harry O'Neill

Wed 9th Dec 2015 16:44

I couldn`t possibly ignore this one.

The `she` in line four and the `her` in line seven indicate that the poem is `about` a woman`s horrific vision of events in her`abandoned house`. with a `spin` of carrion and gore above. The sinisterism and force of the bizzarre happenings in the house is let down a little by that `swept clean by fair weather` in line five, Which is a shame because lines six and seven have an ominously enstranging and bewildering feel to them. The alliteration of lines eight and nine (I think) draw a bit too much smoothing attention to themselves (for a `frightener type` poem like this).

The `thinning` from line ten is absolutely right and `dissolve` and `Ghost`both fit, but I felt that some word more shiveringly apprehensive of an aftermath might would have lent even more force to the three nexts at
the end.

Given the print mangling apps that they talk about `Shaped` poetry may be the coming thing. In this case the centreing may be too neat (for the theme?) It might have been better `sloped out` to line nine and the final
thinned six lines `toppled` from the edge...

I particularly liked lines three and seven.

If this sounds like too deep a going into, Stu, just put it down to old age.

Martin Elder

Wed 9th Dec 2015 09:29

I love the first three lines in particular, but the metaphors are fantastic. Great stuff Stu

Stu Buck

Wed 9th Dec 2015 08:21

i cant resist a challenge!

thanks both as usual, i enjoyed writing this one. the shape of it was half happy accident half fear of line breaks.

i may combine the two in some way later.

raypool

Tue 8th Dec 2015 22:08

Stu, I'm in awe of this with its great constructive power - excellent layout and quite amazing altogether. Presses down on the victim and then evaporates like a ripple.
Quite unsettling.

Ray

Stu Buck

Tue 8th Dec 2015 21:31

thanks jade! im glad i added to your reading pleasure. thats all a poet could ask for.

Jade Johannsen

Tue 8th Dec 2015 21:23

This and 'causa mortis' are my favourite reads of today. Every word is exactly where it should be.

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