the anxious poet opens his rejections

Thursday 17th December 2015 8:26 pm

Unfortunately, we will not be able to publish your work. You are an awful person and frankly, your poetry is shit. Thank you for your submission.

These were close but, in the end you are an arsehole so I decided not to take any this time. Good luck with placing your work you sad little fuck.

At this time, we will not be able to publish your work. I encourage you to submit for a future issue if you become able to satisfy a woman in bed without resorting to machinery.

I am so sorry (I’m not) but I am afraid we are not quite sure enough about publication on the site, but wish you well in placing this work elsewhere (although if anyone publishes this drivel I will bite off my own penis and send it to you)

Unfortunately we are not currently accepting any submissions of poetry from wankers.

I'm terribly sorry for the delay in my response. I enjoyed these poems but I'm afraid I haven't selected any for our upcoming issue as it has been brought to my attention that sometimes you masturbate when you are left home alone.

Thank you for submitting your poems. Whilst I'm pleased that you chose to submit to us I'm afraid I'm unable to accept your submissions this time as they are not very good and sometimes you have greasy hair and are awkward.

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

kind regards, everyone

Remember when you wet yourself during your school nativity. Well, we do.

Thanks for your submission pissy pants.

Comments

M.C. Newberry

Sat 19th Dec 2015 18:11

What fun...almost worth framing.
If you despair of trying to please those who print, go for self-publication. It costs, but you have the reward of
knowing you have your own conviction of purpose to fall
back on - as well as the product itself waving two fingers
as it were to an unkind and unappreciative publishing world.
Happy Christmas!

raypool

Fri 18th Dec 2015 12:25

Is there an island somewhere called "critical acclaim?" If so we should all go there before it's too late. By the way Harold Wilson's wife Mary probably had stuff published and printed - but that's a sort of fame....

Very good that you shared this however painful!! Ray

Stu Buck

Fri 18th Dec 2015 09:51

i dont mind them really. its hard not to read in to them though! i had a cracker the other day though. im going to be the featured poet on poetrykit early next year. woop and joy!

Laura Taylor

Fri 18th Dec 2015 09:34

:D :D

Hahaa - rejections are all part of it mate. I keep a spreadsheet of what I've sent and where to, and the rejections tab is massive compared to the acceptances. I confess to swearing occasionally at the rejectors thinking them simpletons and one day, ONE DAY they will be sorry ;)

I think my favourite one is the simple:

ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

kind regards, everyone

:D

Stu Buck

Fri 18th Dec 2015 09:24

thanks guys! i was just pondering the pro's and cons of being, as it were, a poet and i think the big con (for me anyway) is how personally i take the rejections (foolish in the extreme). thankfully i react with the same positive emotional scale when i am accepted.

Martin Elder

Fri 18th Dec 2015 07:57

I must say I haven't yet received quite this level of rejection just yet Stu, but I found this more than a little entertaining. So much so as just getting over a cold I had a coughing fit. Nice one.

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the anxious poet opens his rejections

Comments

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