(To some he may have been a creative genius: to me, though, he was just the bloke that stole my piece of lyrical artwork)

Pancake rolls for Table 1

I know they ordered duck but it’s all gone

If they ask you say the soup is just Won-Ton;

Don’t tell them where I get the chicken from

Who’d they think I am? that twat Ken Hom?

And tell them not to slop; that table cloth’s clean on!

I know those prawns have swum a thousand miles

So they’re really second grade

And the beef’s as tough as any boots you’d wear;

Just take their debit card: you think I care?

So? all the meals are from a tin can

Round a pan they’ve just been swirled;

The chow mein tastes like dung

So too the egg foo yung;

Pancake rolls for Table 2

Because we’re out of prawn cashew

Why should I care if they say it tastes like glue?