It's so sensual

and it's consensual

No danger of disease

or unwanted pregnancies

No performance anxiety

or need for sobriety

 

No chance of the clap

or a condom mishap

No emotional tangles

or love triangles

No problem with porn

or regrets in the morn

 

No need for Viagra

or fantasies of Niagara

No thinking how do I measure?

Just sheer, pure pleasure

If you use a piece of plastic

It's even more fantastic

 

No lover's tiffs

No buts no ifs

Just “up a little higher”

and “ooh, I'm on fire”.

Just “don't stop now”

and “wow, wow, wow”

 

Gosh I'd miss the tingle

If I was single

But if I thought I'd found my perfect match

I'd say to her.....”go on, give me back a scratch.”