The Girl With Murderous Intent

 

The good folk of Grimstone never locked their doors

Nobody had owt worth nicking

And when the bailiff paid a visit

He left, with no spoils, from his picking

 

So doors were always left ajar

No one bothered to sneck their lock

Friends and neighbours walked straight in

Without being mithered to knock

 

Betty Hogg was supposed to be knitting a jumper

But she took forty winks in her chair

She woke up, and over her half-moon glasses

Saw Nelly, just standing there

 

Nelly was only eleven years old

But with plenty of anger to vent

A three pound lump hammer, her weapon of choice

The girl with murderous intent

 

“Ay up N-N-Nelly” said Betty

Who weren’t normally given to stammer

But what do you expect, when she’d just woken up

To the sight of the girl with a hammer

 

“Was there summet you wanted?” she asked

Hiding her fear, and her fright

“It’s just that, the way that you’re holding that hammer”

“I’m sensing that summet ain’t right”

 

“Aye. Summet ain’t right” said Nelly

“I’ve come here to kill Mr Hogg”

“And to make sure that, the fat bugger suffers”

“For the way that he kicked-in mi dog”

 

Poor Captain had had his ribs kicked in

By Hoggy, earlier that day

And now it was retribution time

And Hoggy was going to pay

 

One hard blow, to smash a skull

Grimstone’s version of tit-for-tat

Sugar is sweet, revenge is sweeter

Without warning or caveat

 

“Well” said Betty “Yur timings just right”

“The fat bleeder’s akip on the floor”

“The drunken sod is comatosed”

“And won’t wake, for an hour or more”

 

“I’m just about t’ stick kettle on”

“And mek a brew” Betty said

“When do you want tea and biscuits?”

“Before, or after you’ve smashed in ‘is head”

 

“I don’t want tea and biscuits” said Nelly

“This isn’t a social call”

“I’ve come here to kill yur ‘usband”

“To wreak my revenge, and that’s all”

 

“Well” Betty said, “You’ll find, killing ain’t easy”

“I’ve attempted it often enough”

“I’ve nearly lost count, of the times that I’ve tried”

“To do away with the fat chuff”

 

Betty disappeared into t’kitchen

And came back, with her biscuits and brew

And she settled back into her armchair

The place where she’d get the best view

 

Hoggy was flat out, recumbent

Legs akimbo, and gob open wide

His shirt had rode up, and his belly flopped out

And lolled over, from side to side

 

His bellybutton seemed like an all-seeing eye

That could follow you, round the room

Like an oracle, from ancient times

That failed to predict his own doom

 

With pent-up anger, and red mist rising

She’d give him no chance to repent

A one-girl vigilante group

The girl with murderous intent

 

Now, a normal lump hammer weighs only two pounds

But, this was her Dad’s, and weighed three

And Nelly was only a slightly built lass

But with dogged tenacity

 

It took all her might to lift up that hammer

Her muscles were aching, and dull

As she struggled to manage the weight of the thing

And she lined herself up with his skull

 

She knew actions had consequences

And that punishment was sure to ensue

But this rotten bleeder had kicked-in her dog

So now, he was getting what’s due

 

The time for thinking was over

The gravity of what she was doin’

Things could never be the same again

A family left in ruin

 

Nelly took the deepest of breaths

Her arms felt heavy as lead

As she prepared to bring her hammer down

To smash it through Hoggies thick head

 

CRUNCH………….. The sound was excruciating

Then CRUNCH again, and again

In the tiny front room, of that terraced house

It echoed with sickly refrain

 

The noise took on its own resonance 

Which cut through the tension until

It built up into a crescendo

And then all fell silent, and still

 

Now, I know what you think, had just happened

But, things aren’t always, just as they seem

And the loud crunching noise….. it was Betty

As she munched through a crisp custard-cream

 

The way that Betty munched on her biscuit

Put Nelly right off her stroke

She lost track of what she was doing

Her concentration was broke

 

She’d been lost in the moment, now the moment was gone

Her anger and fury now spent

And today there would not be no killing

From the girl with murderous intent