I have an old man’s problem, which is disrupting me

That frequently throughout the night I need to take a pee.

I’ve had the usual prostate check – the doctor’s broddling thumb

Covered with such lubricant it slipped right up my bum.

Then MRI and biopsy each underwent with fear

The findings were most welcome, though; no cancer – I was clear.

But inconveniently the problem stubbornly remained

Within an hour I’d need a pee; I never got it drained.

I had what they call “urgency” – the need to take a leak

With little warning; when I did the stream was thin and weak.

I’d have to ask the bloke next stall, as out our todgers flopped

If he’d tell me when I’d started and also when I’d stopped.

I went to see the doc again to see what he could do

Beside the standard Wellness sheet he gave a tip or two.

He told me I should drink more water – four pints every day

And I should train my bladder so it held the wee at bay.

But then upon the internet I found out something more

You gain control by exercising with your pelvic floor.

I did the rest and on this tip I thought my bets I’d hedge

You do this by the motion, chaps, of lifting up your veg.

They recommend these daily “lifts” you start in sets of ten

In reps of three a day at first, then build it up again.

I started this regime last week and built up more and more

Developing in just two weeks an iron man’s pelvic floor.

My scrotum is so exercised I can perform this trick

I tether cord around my balls and raise a building brick.

So now my bladder’s well behaved control I do not lack

But I’m off to see the doc again.  I’ve problems with my back.