Donations are essential to keep Write Out Loud going    

Hospital

In this place a minute lingers the full sixty

 

                                    we feel, taste and touch each second

 

                                                a syrup of seconds

 

                                    time stickily oozing and dripping

 

                                                hours like a stalactite dripping, days

 

                                                            like a stalagmite growing

 

                        We never arrive at minute's end and ask

 

                                    “where did the time go?” The hours

 

                                                creep by, gaping chasms tween mountain-tops of

 

                                                            cups of tea, and

 

                                                                        the taking of blood pressure

 

                        The patient patients, hypnotised prisoners,  watch

 

                                    the glistening drops

 

                                                drip

 

                                                            drip

 

                                                                        and

 

                                                                                    drip

 

                        God bless and keep those who lie sick abed.

 

◄ Kids in a cemetery

Feelings on my car being broken into ►

Comments

<Deleted User> (7164)

Mon 8th Feb 2010 21:36

Hi Dave,
I love the shape to this as it drips slowly downwards.
Topical too for many people.

I think i'd be tempted to drop the second line to enhance the syrup of seconds and 'we never arrive at a minute's end and ask' i feel is superfluous.

Having said that i'm sure there's probably a good reason you included them so now i'll butt out and slope slowly under my desk. :-)

Janet.x

Profile image

Ann Foxglove

Mon 8th Feb 2010 17:14

"gaping chasms tween mounain tops of cups of tea and the taking of blood pressure" gets it so right! xx

Profile image

Isobel

Mon 8th Feb 2010 15:23

A good one Dave - I thought of blood rather than syrup - I thought that might have been the intention - it does get sticky as it thickens. I have had a few experiences of hospitals and am always amazed by how long each stage of a process can take. The procurement of a bed, a member of staff to escort you to a ward, medication, a doctor to sign you off.....your poem captures that frustration.

If you wish to post a comment you must login.

This site uses cookies. By continuing to browse, you are agreeing to our use of cookies.

Find out more Hide this message