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Atrophy

Ever felt like the clock's ticking and you haven't achieved what you set out to do?

Like you've wasted your time, "Can kicking," and denied the existence you were born to?

Like the relentless tidal wash of time laps at the castles you built in the sand?

And the sense that sensibility and banality benignly bind your restless hands?

 

Is there some truth in the naivety of youth that was lost to you as you grew old?

Like cooling steel that was cast in the past and tempered as it grew cold?

And though that very tempering added strength enough to satisfy desire,

It also added rigidity and sadly subtracted much of the fire?

 

Can you still pretend as you attend to the long anticipated end of your journey,

That time will not step in and exercise its own inevitable power of attorney?

And in that handing over of responsibility for all you are and all you do,

The memories that you leave for others are entirely down to you?

 

Frozen in time like the terrified, petrified remnants of those hit by the pyroclastic flow,

Blindly ignoring the warning signs that daily issued from the volcano?

Or laid to rest, hands across chest in the final gentrification of a tomb?

Neither better than either except that one provides your bones with a room.

 

Our tiny little passage in history is not the mystery it may first seem,

And whilst some are born to poverty and others can afford the luxury of, "Living their dream,"

It is absolutely true that the differences between me and you are negligible at best,

So I'll concentrate on the content and leave worrying about the outcome to the rest.

 

Enough said, before I rest my head I'll extract the exact amount of joy that I require,

And invite those that I love, "In from the cold," to warm their hands at the fire,

Look life and death squarely in the eyes and tell them both honestly,

That in this journey from one to the next I'll live, laugh and love hard, regardless of the atrophy.

◄ Life And Its Alternatives

Bye Dad ►

Comments

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 28th Jul 2019 06:40

Thanks Wallflower, and thanks all those that have liked. I'm pleased you enjoyed it.

J. x

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Wallflower

Sat 27th Jul 2019 20:21

"And in that handing over of responsibility for all you are and all you do,

The memories that you leave for others are entirely down to you?" - I resonate hard with these lines. The summation of the entire piece is nicely written and expressed.

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Jason Bayliss

Fri 26th Jul 2019 10:11

Thanks Jennifer, it's been a bit of a difficult couple of weeks, really sorry I didn't thank you before. Ironic that this one should become quite relevant to me, as I wrote it before my Dad's death.
Time really does exercise its own inevitable power of attorney.

J. x

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jennifer Malden

Wed 24th Jul 2019 11:00


Really great one Jason - contains so much that it needs to be read again and again. Particularly liked ' time will step in and exercise its own inevitable powere of attorney' and ' the memories you leave for others are entirely due to you'. Both particularly relev ant to me and leautifully expressed.
Jennifer

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Mae Foreman

Sun 14th Jul 2019 20:01

No critique of your writing dear Jason! Just the truth that bugs me sometimes, like the deprivation of the "living the dream" for instance! Everybody should have the right to live the dream! ?
Loved the poem in its entirety! One of your best!

x.x.
Mae

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Jason Bayliss

Sat 13th Jul 2019 18:17

Thanks Mae, your opinion and critique are both, highly valued and really useful.
I always appreciate your insight and honesty and I'm really glad you liked it.

J. x

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Mae Foreman

Fri 12th Jul 2019 10:41

Wow! Where do I begin?

[...] the relentless tidal wash of time laps at the castles you built in the sand [...]
Not only do you have the sands of time slipping through your fingers, life ties you to a chair and forces you to look while the tidal waves ruin your life's work, over and over and over still you can see nothing else but the picture of "the things you gave your life to broken" as Kipling said. So vividly and so painfully painted.

[...]And the sense that sensibility and banality benignly bind your restless hands?
Another conflict between the young man and his aging shadow, perhaps?

I hope there is a truth in the naivety and I also want the strength. Every stage of life has its charm.

Now as for the petrification that preserves you in a coccon of magma juxtaposed with the coldness of the tomb that provides you with room...
"Some say the world will end in fire some say in ice, from what I've tasted from desire I hold with those who favor fire!"

But take your pick cause one way or another you're going to end up ceased. Terrifying notion truth is, takes a lot of courage to face it.

As for the predecided "place in the world" I hate it exactly because "the differences between me and you are negligible at best" and becuase of the unfairness of the deprivation of the right to "live the dream."

I accept your invitation to the fireside and let's all live, laugh and love hard, my dear alchemist friend, because I don't see any other way of doing this.

In short, I loved it! Excellent! I envy your innate sense of rhythm!
Bravo my friend! ?
Mae

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Jason Bayliss

Thu 11th Jul 2019 18:27

So glad you said that Sophie. I was trying to write it so that it naturally reads in that quick, hurried way, and of course when I read it to myself that's exactly how I read it, but wasn't sure if that's how it came across to others. Really pleased, it sounds like the tempo I was trying to write came across ok.

Thank you,

J. x

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Sophie Morley

Thu 11th Jul 2019 18:11

This has an amazing rhythm to it. Rlly impressive an immersive. It reads aloud with all its dissonance and many rhymes very quickly and therefore adds to a theme of life rushing by x

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Jason Bayliss

Thu 11th Jul 2019 17:31

Thanks to Cait, Eve, Mindy and Lisa for liking, sorry it's taken me this long to acknowledge, (On nights, so a bit out of it with tiredness ?).

J. x

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 7th Jul 2019 12:45

That is a beautiful thing, the problem is mine wanders all the time.
I generally tend to start with an idea or a phrase, or word, or something, anything. It's not often I sit down and start writing with, "Nothing." It's almost like absent mindedly doodling. And yet, the ones I've written like this turned out to be my favourites. It doesn't happen to me that often though.

J. x

(P.S. just realised I started with a word didn't I?)

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Don Matthews

Sun 7th Jul 2019 10:33

Jason - your comment interested me. 'odd one this, didn't really start with an idea'.

Most of mine don't follow any 'I know where I'm going' approach. Whatever starts me off, I don't know where it will go or where it will end up.

Jessica Masterson said "The next time your mind wanders follow it around for a while". Mine leads me on a merry dance at times.....

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Jason Bayliss

Sun 7th Jul 2019 09:52

Thanks KJ, as I said before I'm almost never completely happy with a poem, with the exception of a few. This and "A Stone For The Miller," and actually, "Little Birds," were ones I was happy with. So it's good to hear that you liked, "Stone," because I did too.
(God, I hope that doesn't sound self congratulatory.)

J. x

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kJ Walker

Sun 7th Jul 2019 07:33

Just reread A Stone For The Miller. (15 March, if anyone else wants to reread) which I considered one of your finest. This one also compares favourably. I like the rhymes within rhymes in both pieces.
Big Sal who used to post on here had a similar talent, it's a skill that I wish I could emulate.

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Jason Bayliss

Sat 6th Jul 2019 18:50

Devon, oh Devon, "extracting joy like a bent alchemist?"
Love it.?

J. x

Devon Brock

Sat 6th Jul 2019 18:28

Jabberwock, oh, Jabberwock - first you're a thief of the breath, now you are extracting joy like a bent alchemist slinking away in the night. Wonderful poem and thought. I think that as we age, a differing set of priorities preside, a healthier outlook I suppose. Some may find it hard to cast off the shackles of bitterness, but those that do, live their ends to the fullest.

D

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Jason Bayliss

Sat 6th Jul 2019 18:00

Thanks Dorothy, that's very kind of you.
I'm not often completely happy with most of them, but I quite like this one, so thank you very much.

J. x

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Jason Bayliss

Sat 6th Jul 2019 14:49

Thanks Don, odd one this, didn't really start with an idea, I just saw the word atrophy with its definition in a dictionary while I was looking up something else. To be honest I like writing that way, when you don't know what's going to come out of your head next, but it seems to happen rarely for me. I think the last one that was like that was, "A Stone For The Miller." ?

J. x

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Don Matthews

Sat 6th Jul 2019 14:28

This is good Jason. I didn't register the rhyming till half-way through....

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