I wanna talk about what kids go through

Broken door frames, busted light shades and spider cracks in the windows

I wanna give some clarity on these events

Woken up from sleep if you even slept, alcohol on the breath, eyes bloodshot, blank and brow full of sweat

Its probably the funny guy in class, class clown of the school

6 hours before class he was woken up and 3 hours of that he ...

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i invite you in my life to feel something again

to turn my numbness into happiness;

you are my happiness 

you make me my happiest

no one loves me as much as you do.

day in and day out i consume your love and affection.

soaking up every last bit. the feeling of feeling something for someone again excites my soul.

feeling anything is so hard these days.

but then i a...

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Curly red hair and fond of knee-high boots

She hated those legs.

That's how I remember her,

Something else too.

Appointed by the court,

The poor girl did her best to help me and

Even though she failed miserably

We became an item

Her life had been worse than mine

Self-esteem pilfered by

Childhood trauma

I wondered how she kept going,

I would ask:

"In that...

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One life is swell, 

the other is a living hell. 

Trying to bridge the great divide, 

but the chasm is too wide. 

Chasing light where darkness resides. 

A grey goose gouges my eyes, 

pecks my mind. 

Naked. Nowhere to hide. 

Cowering to the joker inside. 

Praying God sends his army

to help me make the climb,

out of the abyss to my sober life. 

https://youtu.be/NG2...

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Alcoholic,
That's what I am.
Numb,
That's the brand.
Comfort,
That's all I want.
Memories,
That's what you haunt.
Escape,
That's what I try.
Inside,
That's where I die.

Backdated 2/7/19

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I have forgotten the feeling of what normality means.

I float around within a numbness submerged within a dream.

I see the world pass faster every single day.

I see my end come closer, I see the future become shorter;

 I can’t help but slaughter the time as I begin the decay.

It’s hard to find blame, but it’s a rationale thought to try and understand how this happened.

The worse ...

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pull out thre trigger u know how it go 

call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4

when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody

release all my problems when I drink this bottle 

still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model 

nobody know about all of my problems 

call up tequila u know she gon solve it 

I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody 

I try to reach out but they always dec...

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Those kids who were... cool

What I aspired to be- to transcend

From awkward chubby ginger, to some kinda

Myth

The bankings

A wash of denim, cheap cider and flowering pheromones

Trains no longer passed, but

Away from prying eyes, and Stringers finest

The juggernaut of youth still ploughed through

Faceless passed me a bottle

Faithless I sank, and swigged at fu...

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Sometimes I over drink.
Oops I mean overthink.
Ah fuck it, it's the same damn thing.

I over pour my glass leaving no room for coke.
The voice repeating in my head of the last words you spoke.
You ask why I'm self destructive but the truth is I dont know.

I'm starting to think that the devil is a lie.
The only evil we see is what we bury inside.
I'm going to lose to myself, it's only a ...

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If I went to a professional they'd probably say it started when I was younger
Which begs the question why it didn't affect my older brother

Maybe it's just the way my brain is wired
I'm just so god damn sick and tired
Of being so damn sick and tired
Why am I always so fucking tired?

I just go through the motions
All the days just blend together
The only thing keeping me going
Is the h...

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We all have out tipple of choice, mine
i sip.
It's potent breath intertwines with mine
filling my lungs with pleasure.
Satisfying all of my dreams and desires.

I swig,
as my words become dizzy, muddled.
Phosphene eyes to match. Spirits,
lifted.
A wonderful serendipity,
i am free.

I gulp,
my mouth runs away with me, legs
unable.
The clock strikes, it's hand jittery
face wobbling.

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This make-believe story I predicted in my head,

To pieces upon the ground does it fall.

A happiness once experienced -

A security long gone,

And a father I had imagined -

Now a memory in which I had created.

But, the hurt inside is real -

All torn up, how does my heart continue to beat?

A trauma of the past -

Why must I remember what I wish not to?

I created...

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Friday 31st January

That was the day I gave up drinking

The last time I would wake up on the sofa

Drenched in piss and regret

My wife sobbing in bed

Alone and tired

The last time I would poke chunks of my own vomit

Through holes in the sink

Because I couldn’t reach the toilet

The last time I would scream blind at my daughter

For daring to ask me a question

For dari...

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Alcoholic with sick on his shoes,
Sat on a brown wooden bench
In the middle of town
With his old dog,
Flea ridden,
Shaking, gray,
Lacking good vision
Waiting for a meal
A dropped pasty or pie
A sandwich, perhaps rye.

I, was never taught in school
To be such a man
It was always
You could become a lawyer,
You could become a teacher,
You could become a business man
Never, you could ...

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The breath had left her, not long ago.
Her face, pressed into the pillow
Drained black tears onto white linen.
Her fight had been lost; the long battle had ravaged her
And her iconic war paint scrawled ironic defeat in tracks
Down her pale skin onto paler sheets.

A motionless husk; as she lays there;
Her raven hair, unravelled from familiarity,
Fall's delicately on her back,
...

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