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It’s so tempting to call you
There’s a voice screaming at me to just
Pick up the phone
Just pick up the phone
Against every urge
I’m silent, all except these prose
I must stay silent
Must wait
Wait for what?
For the message, the text, the phone call
Another voice tells me
That will never happen
Selfishly, I want you to miss me
I want to make you miss me
Ma...

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i am never one to say ‘i was only kidding’

i am the type who experiences guilt

physical and mental

never mad at those who snap at me

deservedly so

but

patience is something that i need

so please

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When the night doth come, weary follows distantly. 

Toiling farther from the dawn with each passing sunset, offers not the distraction so sought out by its woeful captor.

With worried mind and worried soul and yearning for slumber. Not for rest, but for release. 

Relentless is the repeat of ruminating reasoning. Soul wrenching speculation scews sensibility, until slowly and sluggishly sle...

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When you look at the water
From the specific position of the diving board.
It stays still with the silence of god himself, unmoving despite the world continuing.

It was noon, and the lifeguard made a joke.
"Be careful, there's a shark in the water!"

I could see all the way down past the  top of the water to the mid-blue circle spiral encompassing the 'deep bowl' of the pool.
I ...

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Feel Like I'm Crazy

The doctor tells me "it's Fibromyalgia"
I've never heard of it before
But I think finally I have an answer
For all of my pain
But it doesn't take me long to decipher
It's something that they can't explain
Do they think that I'm insane?

They don't understand it
There is no cure
It's a curse not an answer
And I don't know how much more of this I can endure

They ...

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My poetry's hollow and null
And like my life it is quite dull
So I ramble and cry
And I wish to just die
While I ponder why I've not been culled.

And yes even so
I continue to write words
With no direct form

Rhyme scheme, structure, they mean very little
To a person who has no control of their life
And apathetically watches as he carries on strife.
And in a rotted hole, th...

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Sometimes I can

rail against it,

sometimes it

conquers me.

Sometimes I hide

it well, other

days the fatigue

of fighting it shows.

Some people

Sympathize,

Empathize

Others say,

"Get over Yourself."

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The Room 

It's smaller on the inside,

Come and be my guide.

The lock shrinks the place, 

to such a tiny space.

The space is retreating,

It stops your heart beating,

Room starts swimming,

Constricting air thinning.

Can't help feeling sickly,

I need to get out quickly,

It constricts your chest 

Lead weight thermal vest.

Sweat covers my brow,

Need to get...

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O-C-D-C

1-2-3;

D-C-O-C

4-5-6;

Must touch once, twice, thrice!

Otherwise I must pay the price!

Penetrating thoughts that won’t go away,

Compulsions that haunt me day by day,

Anxiety comes, anxiety goes,

Got guilt, depression and so much obsession.

O-C-D-C

1-2-3;

C-D-O-D

Please leave me!

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Cracks. 
Subtle and nearly invisible at first, 
slowly crawling over my skin, 
forming fractols of scars. 
Suffocating, 
entrapping me inside my own body, 
crushed under the broken glass
penetrating through every inch of exposed skin, 
deepening with every thought unsaid, 
every night of comfort you missed, 
every casual remark you passed. 
My silent screams ring in my ears 
waiting to...

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"Like a house of cards, 
one blow from caving in..." 
I sing heavily alone in our house, 
carrying the weight of our dead 
friendship in my voice, 
hopelessly waiting for a familiar hug, 
a touch of warmth to lighten 
the evergrowing darkness in my mind. 

I can still feel the love in our captured memories,
hear the leaves rustle with a deafening reminder
of the time I forgot how to spe...

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The more I go

The darker it gets

Doesn't matter what is my choice

It's always the wrong one

I missed all the tracks

But there is no survivor left in me

I wish I was the never ending story

That at least came to end.

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Tell me I'm broken

Tell me that it's too late to glue all the pieces back together

Like a shit mosaic we made when there was nothing better to do

My body is a vinyl that no one's played in years

Scratched and distorted but the music is still the same just heard by different ears

If my body is a temple in which my mind is the God of it's intention

Then I must surely be an athiest 

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