I want to tell you.

 I want to write it down. 

I want to have the right words.

I want to feel them. I want you to feel them. I want you to feel what I felt. 

I want you to know. About everything. I want to show it to you in broad daylight. 

I want you to see it. I want you to face it. I want you to taste it 

when the water turns to bleach. I want it to blister the inside of your ...

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28.09.21

It gets better, 

a friend once said

You’re not a bad person 

Shouldn’t wish you were dead 

Everyone is their own worst critic, 

He said to me 

And when he needs an ear, 

I listen intently 

We swap stories, 

One back and one forth 

Lighten the load, 

Keep each other on course

When friends are down 

I feel it too

When people are sa...

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29.09.21

You won’t go to therapy 

Your clothes everywhere

It is because your Daddy never cared?

Run away from your problems

Change friends all the time 

Is that why you smoke weed all the time?

Sheets unwashed 

And wine every day 

No wonder you pushed all your friends away 

Video games are a way of life 

Abandoning problems

like it depends on...

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Is my suitcase big enough?
Once clothes come out, will grief fit?
or will memories fill every crevice?

Packing boxes of a life once lived,
packing a suitcase of a life still living.
What selfishness, what obsession.

But it's time now, the train always coming,
and the impending journey, always one yet to come.

But who’s it for?
What would you say?
If this journey's too hard to take,

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Do you grieve in heaven?
Do you feel hollow too?
Do you feel like something's missing?
Like our incompletion without you.
Goodbyes were not granted to us,
Does this upset you too?
Does grief hit you by surprise?
An oppression you never knew?
Or is Olympus free of mourning?
And you have no suffering heart?
Will we meet in the city of immortals,
Will it feel like we've been apart?
Tell m...

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Why must you? If I could just understand the reasons for your soul-reaping hand. 

Who decided the time was up? Or that we must endure this grief? Tell me, Death- Do you enjoy your role as loves thief? 

You broke my heart into pieces a few times before and now you've done it once more. 

I'm not sure I can forgive you for such dark spite because you've taken my world and turned out its ligh...

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Trapped in grief

The superposition of states.

The is-now

And the might-have-been

Two worlds collide

In an endless cacophony

Of emotional and cognitive dissonance

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Tendrils of sight swim
memories from my child mind
vast Graveyards flash past
the coach windows
as I sat alone, 
my split-self bristling
against the fabric seats
My school friends chatter
then later they climb
into sleeping bags, safe
I brought my heart out
into the moonlight, breathless
learning how not to wake
others with my grief
whilst you took your half
of my heart
high up int...

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One whole year's

time emptied

Like lace leaves

From the cold trees

Skeletal wisps

You are missing 

attic tinsel 

Boxed deep and dusting

With bristles flaking

From the broken spine

So no silver lines 

Our crisp, black-branched pine.

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Christmas fairy lights still dangle,
Plastic string of neon candles,
Hallowing the wreckage of the year.

Streaming ‘River’ on repeat
River Warbling marrow-deep

Wash away those spiteful, December bones.

From jigsaws sat on nickel knees
To whisky-nursing you in sprees,
Femurs first you left us piece by piece.

Frailty distils the waters
Trickles down through all your daughters

...

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Thank you, dears.

For marched words

rawed bare, from

placard rage

to simpered

platitudes.

For now, plain,

awful grief

is just. Mine.

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Saw him crying,
a friend's father died today,
what can anyone say?
--the emptiness of trying

in that, this passage
of advancing age
we all are departing,
puzzled by the parting

filled with fears,
and pent-up tears
trying to make sense,
of a tangled past-tense

memories stab
the inner core like
clawing a scab
scratched bloody,
grief
an unwanted buddy
the only relief

trying...

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They say hope is such a wonderful thing
Keeps us strong against anything
But be careful what you hope for
Or it will do you in.

So many times I thought I understood
Who people were, and what was good
Only to find, what's left behind
Is broken dreams.

And they say grief is a natural thing
As we get used to what's missing
And find out how to do without
What we used to need.

But the...

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Climb the steps, one by one

Feel the breeze refresh me

Hands can nearly touch the sun

Golden rays drip down around me 

Love and splendour encases my heart

With the world shining out all its glory

A brand new day, a glimmering start

New beginnings, new days, new story

Top of the slide, secure on the mat

Fluttering lungs fill up with excitement

The world whizz...

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