sensitive about her body

gym doing physical jerks

I praised her endeavours

my flattery usually works

then came a stupid row

for jealousy of her friends

that fresh independence

envy ease of mind rends

my criticisms undermine

confidence to be curbed

barbed comments, digs

her self-worth disturbed

warned her shape awry

put her mind on the rack

g...

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planning one's escape is never easy

even Steve McQueen found it hard

guilt made me especially queasy

I was writing your last birthday card

my escape strategy was meticulous

armed guards would have missed it

such carelessness left me incredulous

normally your vigilance took the biscuit

I timed your every movement with care

then I waited till you left for the gym

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Hooray, my gym is to reopen at long last

I need some excuses and I need them fast

Four months of slacking and not working out

It's going to be hell on earth, there is no doubt

Lift the lightest weights I will groan under strain

Can it really ever be worth the torture and pain

Kettlebells, dumbells, deadlift the weighted bar

Spinning on those bikes, never gets me very far

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Between the apparatus and the equipment he prowls

Perfecting his stance and menacing scowls

His carb free diet has led to irritable bowels

Hurrah the Gym Gigolo

So desperate to create a good first impression

He takes a supplement before his daily session

Leaves him ripped but prone to acts of aggression

You what?  The Gym Gigolo

After his protein shake he pumps hi...

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