If you find yourself applying for a soul destroying job maybe...

A job's just come through

From Monsters UK

It's Halloween soon

There's demons 

To slay

Equal opportunities

Be you

Woman or man

Main requirement

Being that

You can

Handle

Sharp fangs

Bring in your CV

Be it real

Be it fake

These Evil hearts

Need your 

Hammer

And stake

 

...

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Around the world

In 80 websites

Cutting the costs

On all those

Long Flights

Threw away 

The suitcase

& the rucksack

No more clothes

For me 

To un pack

You see

I'm minding my

Carbon

Foot

Print

Nah

It's just a 

Posh way

Of saying

I'm skint!

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It's hard to live a making, hard, hard to make a living

even without the exorcist interferes. I've been a fog

harmer, a hog harmer. I have hogged farms all my life

and my father's life before that. I'm so mad I can't talk right

and the priest will probably say I'm witch crafted too.

 

I've already paid the lawyer more than the pork

is worth. The lawyers available to represent ...

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Does a lie has feet or walk 
Only liars have more than two 
Don't listen to a lie as a joke 
Then will help lies to grow 

 

God will ask; why do you lie? 
So get ready for God's punishment. 
Me, you, them, surely will die 
Should keep ready for last statement 

 

Get back soon to the early pureness 
And stop cheating creatures
Just in case you look for happiness 
Be f...

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Uncle Sam

When will the company payout?

Just like Catch 22

All the benefits come after death

You sign on the line

 

And pay the cash

For the listed benefits

But you don’t see them

Not a single f*cking one

 

They’re left to your loved ones

Don’t have a wife or kids?

Too bad then

Uncle Sam will claim your benefits

 

To enrich his war chest

...

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Bad joke number one. At first a whimsical gesture, a throw away comment, nought but the larks song to win your attention.

 

Bad joke number two. The brush off, the guise, nothing more than a vulnerable boy hiding behind his painted face as he clutches at a pumpkin bucket, barely able to lift his gaze as he utters meek words, mouthing "Trick,or treat?"

 

Bad joke number three. Confidenc...

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                  How to tell a joke

              -Advice given to a Lady-

 

PREAMBLE- Know your audience Know your subject

PREPARATION: WRITE out your joke in full, read it aloud many times.

REMOVE all diversions, inconsequential and trivial.

CHECK for confused references.

ENSURE you have a command of the required terminology.

DO Laugh at other people's jokes before attem...

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Happiness:

The light at the end of the never-ending tunnel.    

The worlds way of fueling us with counterfeit hope. 

The missing pieces of the saddest ever puzzle.      

The forgotten punchline of a humorless joke.        

The untied shoelace that causes a slip and stumble. 

The handful of cheap whiskey and the line of coke.  

The meaningful words hidden deep inside a mumble. ...

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Each day I starve
is another day closer to death.

Each day that i'm not loved
is another day i realize
that i am not worthy.

And each day that I'm ignored by others
is another day that I'd rather be dead
than suffering in pain.

Because as I've become
this wandering offspring,
I've become to be invisible
to you and all others.

Cause can't you see
that my light brown hair
has b...

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Aissur Teivos ni,

even the punchline is backwards.

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Why do you always wear the red shirt? They assert that…it’s to avert the fright of seeing blood

 when I am wounded.

             I am quite salted and not a crud.

       -     Now I understand your point of view.

             Looking at you a picture I drew:

             You always wear the brown trousers

             for not having any moral traumas.

   ...

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A dish served cold

 

It was a dirty old day, just a stop on the way

In the sleet and the fog and the rain,

Jams and diversions and unplanned excursions

And drivers with speed on the brain.

When well before noon in the old greasy spoon

Somewhere just off the M one,

(It had seen better days with a jukebox that plays

old ballads from artists long gone.)

In the corner sat Fred, with his cap...

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