Wistful fingers
Tickle the dark hairs
Below the shirt sleeve.
Brush the unknown.
Pondering so much, in one small movement.

Emboldened,
They roam the contours
Of your flesh;
Wondering,
Enjoying.

You signify permission
With your stillness, but
I cannot forget.

It cannot be brushed away so simply
I am not allowed
Even with your assent,
To pretend.

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I can think some portions of the image,
But the words don't exist,
This fear that can't be said.

Strange,
How the thought can freeze the body,
And not the body the thought.
And any communication describes nothing.

I can say some things that I think,
But others make me mute.
This barrier in my head,
Even I can't cross.

It is like painting a face a single shade of pink.
Like drawin...

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Why do I feel like crying
When his arms would rush to comfort me?
When his heart beats alone for me,
Still, 
Despite his love,
Alone against myself.
If he surrounds me,
I am still caged within myself.
Then he catches my mind's gaze,
Says "Look, There is beauty."
And all is still again.
And all is peace again.
The lulled hush of the midnight heavens,
And the beauty of a star,
Takes me...

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Just because I've learnt to swim underwater,
Doesn't mean I can live without breathing.
Just because I can walk on the surface,
Doesn't mean I can't slip and start sinking.

If I don't look in the mirror,
Doesn't mean my face has changed.
If I start at the beginning,
Still I have to reach the end.

Just because there is a meaning
Doesn't mean I understand (or know it).
Just because the...

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I just need someone to massage my mind.
Oh, but these neurons are aching.
I just need someone to drag me up out of this life
Where I am dying.

I just need a hand while I find my feet,
But one that won't hurt me.
I just need a body to hold in the night,
But one that won't scare me.

I just need someone to cradle my thoughts,
Keep Baby from crying.
I just need someone to show me that th...

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1    Yes, I ran away!
      It was so close to killing me.
      I couldn't take the pain,
      But you think I should have let it end me.

CHORUS 
               What kind of justice
                                 is without trial?
               What kind of friend
                                 fights on the other side?
               What kind of life?

2    And I couldn't...

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I'm the one that's trying to tell you:-
This is all there ever will be.
Nothing you can say
Can change a thing,
I know everything about me.

Don't waste your time and
Don't waste your breath.
You think you want to help, but I
Know that's an empty threat.

I am the one, trying to show you:-
I live everything extreme.
Now you think I am being
Too hard on you, but
Cut me and I bleed.

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There is no time for the pillow to dry,
There is no hope, that's why I cry.
There is no future for all I see.
          There are no perks,
                                         To being me.

I would talk to myself if I had anything to say
I would comfort myself, did I think there was a way
                                  To stay sane.
But what to believe?
All I can hear are the scr...

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There reaches that point
                 When you reach for the pills.

The things that you won't
                 The world thinks that you will.

The waiting for freedom
                 Is not soon enough.

The paying for wisdom
                 Is costing too much.

                             And there's nothing left.

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            Loaded,
                   Cocked and fired, cannon explodes.
                   Your cavalry charge this valley.

  Shot, down in flames, you take me
  Surrendered or fighting.

                   I fuel you, another charge.

                                Your war cry echoes
                                This death dance.

  Do you take prisoners
(back to...

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When there's nothing more to say
   But your mind just keeps on talking,
When there's nothing left to feel,
   You can always feel the same.
When there's nothing else to do,
   There must be something you could be doing,
When there's nothing left to try,
   You can always try again
                               ...and again.

But I can't take the pain,
   And I can't take the sorrow,
...

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I don't suppose you'll cry to lose
A broken heart.
There's certainly no use in tears
On spilt milk.
But teddy bears are often loved
The more for being old and used,
And holes give special comfort to
Those shoes unfit to walk in.

Dream on,
Why not accept the truth?
Even apples are despised and scorned
Once bruised.

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How precious will you say I am?
It was care to hold me as you did.
It was cotton wool to dry my tears,
And hard steel to start them.

And yes protect me from the world.
Yes yes, protect me from myself.
It's wise to know these precious jewels,
And carelessness to drop them.

And will you call me muchly loved?
How softly do you claim to tread?
It's gales around this house of cards!
And ...

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I stood in the wind for you,
The gale that blew my love away.
You watched me from your crazy world,
And still I stood alone.
And then the rain fell, like my tears.
Still I stood upon that hill.
I waited for the sun to shine,
But still it never came.

I stood there while the white snow fell.
I stood there in the darkest night.
Yes - I'm glad you're warm inside,
I'm waiting in the freezi...

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You beckon to me.
Uncertain, and vaguely guilty.
And how you "know how I feel - but",
I can feel the urgency grip you.
And how we "don't have to if...",
I can feel the expectation.

You touch me,
Too gently,
I can feel the inexperience.

Do you expect me
Suddenly to tell you
If you can.
Or suddenly to let you
If you can't.

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We fight to first blood
But he has no weakness,
It will surely be me who loses.
One way, or another,
It will surely be me who bleeds or bruises.
There can be no lenience
Between me and my lover.

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Gorged, full-bellied,
The bloated She-whale lies
On a bed of roses.
Thorns prick her sides,
But her lover
Lies
Heavy-lidded.
He doesn't see, and he doesn't fear,
And because it doesn't hurt (him)
He books another year;
But the She-whale
Floats
Belly-up to the surface,
Because he didn't catch her.

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If I cry tonight - don't say you love me,
Show me.
And when you can't show me - 
That's why I cried.
And if you learn to tell me - maybe I won't listen.
I know myself too well.
               Not well enough!

If I cry tonight - put your arms around me.
Say nothing - 
               But don't let me think.
Don't push me near this brink!
I could think so sharp to stab myself.

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I am a finger puppet.
He plays me in a mime.

Upon a sheeted stage we lie,
(about all kinds of things).

A marionette,
If words tug strings.

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A gap in the storm:

After the unrequited love, there were a couple of fledgling relationships in the summer before university. Whatever I may have felt during those relationships, there are no poems from them.
As much as I may have wanted to write 'a cheerful poem', cheerful poems were not my forte then.

The relationship I was in before heading off to university may have been sweet and deve...

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