An unhealthy obsession

The sombre procession

As loved ones carry your coffin

I think of it often

And never forgotten

Your lies and later confession

I long for the day I can finally say

Here’s a glow stick and whistle

To your grieving widow

And hold a rave on your grave

I’m gonna hold a rave on your grave

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Take down the flags
Wind in the bunting
It's not our time
We know it's not coming
Or shop fronts and homes
Will soon seem empty
But the sea of St George
Will be a glorious memory
Hold your head high
As echoes of cheers ring loud
Faith restored;
You've done us all proud
This time was different
You wrote your own story
A summer of hope
A dalliance with glory
You've brought us passion
...

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Anelka,

The Ameobi’s,

Big Sam Allardyce

Augustine Okocha

So good they named him twice

Bury, Bulgaria and Bavaria

And everywhere in between

The Battle of Burnden Park

The definition of a team

Stan Collymore

Getting floored

And Campo’s curly wig

Our Danes; Henrik, Per, Bo

Claus, Michael and Stig

England internationals

French Word Cup winners

Getting le...

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Marriage

Is like a cabbage

Your need to strip back the outer leaves

The vibrant green is just for show

The sweet and tender flavours

Are developed deep below

It’s not for everyone, but it’s versatile

It can stew, can be raw

Fundamentally they’re identical

The heart lies at the core

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Shall I compare thee to a Manchester summer’s day?

You’re a bit damp and soggy

I’d love to sit in your company

But the ground seems a little boggy

Outwardly bright, but temperamental

Presently fine, so I’ll risk it

As Carpe Diem is essential          

Blink and you’ve missed it

But thou art as bright as a summer’s day

Through skies laden with smog

From Ancoats, Droysl...

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My very first time

I remember it well

The sights, the sounds

The taste, the smell

The roar of the paddock

The clacker of seats

The old wooden stairs

Which wobbled and creaked

And the gateway which opened

An amphitheatre in green

My heroes in white

A young schoolboys dream

The whistle that screeched

Cross field passes lauded

Those crunching tackles

Tap-i...

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Stuck on the end of my foot

Like a discoloured mutated cornflake

Putrid figure adjoined to my toe

A blot on my sunbed landscape

Disfigured warped and diseased

Growing in an acute direction

The destroyer of many a sock

My fungal nail infection

Oh my accursed big toe

The torture, the bane of my life

Causing me problems since I was six years old

When I first...

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Between the apparatus and the equipment he prowls

Perfecting his stance and menacing scowls

His carb free diet has led to irritable bowels

Hurrah the Gym Gigolo

So desperate to create a good first impression

He takes a supplement before his daily session

Leaves him ripped but prone to acts of aggression

You what?  The Gym Gigolo

After his protein shake he pumps hi...

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It surprised me-

It caught me off guard

An initial gentle discomfort

But now it’s coming hard

Like a knife in my bowels

Like someone has turned a screw

One consonant and two vowels

I really need a poo

Could not come at a worse time

Totally inconvenient

Drop everything before I drop my load

To find a public convenience

The pain is just sheer agony

It crip...

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Salford soil is singed

As sunbeams surge from the sky

I cannot pass up this opportunity

To flash my moobs and sit outside

In tranquil tropical temperatures

In peace I begin to think

But the extent of my deliberation is

What can I have to drink?

I open up the fridge

Somerset scrumpy on the shelf

A little limited luxury

I lavish upon myself

No need for ice or bubb...

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When I first spoke with him, I thought he was sweet

We laughed at the weird things we shared

I was a little nervous when he suggested we meet

Apprehensive, excited but not scared

I wasn’t looking for her when I found her

Romance was the last on my mind

So what if she is a little bit older?

She is funny and clever and kind

Friends say he is only after my wealth

...

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A mouthy little blaggard

Could start a fight in an empty room

Thrived on his reputation

As The Laureate of Levenshulme

Infamy was his

All over Manchester

Some saw him as a pest

Others as a jester

He’d needle and push

But when it came to blows

He’d escape the carnage

And be off on his toes

In the pubs of Salford

And the clubs of Eccles

He stood out a mile  ...

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Grey sky rises over red top roofs

Smog subsides to reveal a painful truth

Wailing sirens break the placid dawn

Coughs resonate as another death is born

Broken windows creak

Broken homes are chic

Broken bottles on playing fields

The futures looking bleak

The taste of desperation

Lingers in every mouth

Northern emaciation

Looks better in The South

All items of val...

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I need no introductions

I’ve been around since the dawn of time

I’ve cradled infants and toyed with tyrants

Kissed many a man in his prime

I have no preference for age or sex

And religion ‘aint my thing

I may turn up when you least expect

Just to creep inside your skin

My face was first revealed

When I whispered in Cain’s ear

As he led Abel into the fields

I t...

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Oh, so you’re from Salford?

Then you must be a Red?

Oi you cheeky b#stard

I’d rather I’d be dead

Sorry, my mistake

Then surely you’re a Blue?

You ignorant w#nker

You haven’t a f#cking clue

I’m proud to walk the Manny Road

And equally proud of my LH abode

So give me you grief, your snide’s and your sh#te

Go f#ck yourself…

And C’mon You Whites

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‘Please, please, don’t leave me’

He drops to the floor and begs

‘You said you loved a man in uniform

So I took that job in Greggs

I got you that second hand atlas

Cos you wanted to see the world

I bought that Prince cassette

Cos you love diamonds and pearls

Please, please, please don’t leave me

Please don’t have a break

I’ll change- Be more attentive

Anything

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Snatched innocence makes headline news

The community rallies in search of clues

The caretaker seems keen

Eager to impress

His girlfriend holds a card close to her chest

Hopes... concerns... it’s all a pretence

Only he speaks of innocence in the past tense

Before the press with family members

He looks to the left as he tries to remember

Her final sighting, how things...

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In their wool blend suits

And Primani boots

Crusaders on a mission  

Like jockeys before the National

They jostle for position

As the 7:22 snakes into view

They anticipate her breaks

She grinds unto a squeaking halt

Before the incumbents make their escape

Hands in pockets lined in pockets

Aligned to the doors

They brace and embrace the putrid heat

Swim toward a ...

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