I don’t want to mask my poetry

I want you to understand me

Curse your perfect rhythms, rhymes, haikus

Your lyricism, your literary

When I try to adopt it, I turn mute.

Something channels through me

(I’ve never really found the root)

A demanding stream of consciousness

That cannot stop to breathe, let alone

Wait, conceptualise, draft, redraft

I can’t!

...

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Five years ago flew by

Now, already remote

The rolling of the years

They’re already afloat

Your past self

Already a ghost

When you stand still

You begin to grieve your previous skins

Wonder why you had to forget and kill

Old personalities just to multiply new

So, you cling on to specific moments

Promise not to forget, you never will

But it is not uniqu...

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Moon eyed she goes 

She is one of the stars

Lonesome she is 

In the presence of Mars

Soon her reflection renews

She is a planetary part apart 

Memories become brand-new 

She is solo in this system 

And as the lights dim 

He becomes hers 

She sucks us in 

Until everything’s hers 

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Let the wolves run

I run faster

Let the wolves run 

I am stronger

Sure of myself 

I flex the muscles of my mind

No need to hide

I expel hexes in one breath,

You may not enter

Nor commit the theft 

Of my soul

You are uninvited 

Release the hatred from your heart

Vengeance is a waste of energy

To be enlightened is to be smart 

And rise above, rise!

I a...

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It reaches further than "please fuck me" or "don’t touch me"

It’s a liminal in-between 

A line we like to call blurry

But I never asked you to undress me

My body abandoned me

My words went slurry

Tongue too thick to go beyond a mumble

Kind sir escorted me to save me from stumble

Four times play on my mind

One of them I even forgot

Until it accosted me during a usual d...

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I wrestled you down

Girl

Into woman

I grew your thoughts for you

Lifeless of the party

Monotone 

You vacuum expression

And drain me,

Exhausted

Stop

I gave you emotions

Give me energy

Any kind just give

Give and give 

I must drink

Always thirsty am I

But I drink for you

So what’s this lull in your throat

Dip in your tone

Crack? 

No

You ...

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Face like stone

Hard to read

I find myself taking pride

In my totem pole

Of expressions, I can hide

Masterfully deceptive

Every bit secretive

All heart without sleeves

Makes it easier to breathe

But being naked

Really stripping off

And just letting everyone watch

That is true strength

True power

Is knocking down this tower

Being bare

Just a sk...

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I tried beautiful,

I tried pristine,

I was no good at it

I’m not neat within

I’m not “clean”

Even externally, I cannot master

Clearing every bit of clutter

I’m raw, like an egg

It’s not pretty to have a cracked head

But if I don’t

I’m practically dead

As inanimate and detached as my wooden bed

To be raw is

Painful,

Ugly,

Messy,

But it’s rich with fee...

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You should know better

Than to think you’re alone in this universe

You’ve seen breath come from nothing 

Animals evolve 

More complex than fathomable

Human species shapeshift and roam

With inventions inexplicable 

Grass, water, and life itself

Come to be 

And people like you 

Who all think different

And think they’re the only ones

Don’t assume you’re not connect...

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Something speaks from beyond 

Something writhes alive

In each of us

Something pulls and breathes

Beyond our touch 

They call it instinct

But it is magically distinct 

And can lead, lead, lead 

To something in your core

They call it power of the brain 

But it’s so much more 

It cannot be explained away 

It cannot be spoken out of existence 

They call it the mi...

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I’m sorry to disappoint you

That I can be too sweet and so weak

And yet I can be cold and cruel too

That I can completely snap to my core

And morph into a creature of different sorts

I’m sorry that I’m not white or black

Or immaculate

Or of any matter 

For that fact

I’m not anything 

At all

Not wholly whole

You see,

Incompleteness 

Has been my superpower 

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You pulled me into your orbit

when I needed your help

and so, I made you my centre 

to centre myself

That was my first mistake

I looked inside you

for places where I could hide

I hoped to run from reality

into the delusions of your mind

I was happy to believe you were one of a kind

chuffed upon chuffed that you were mine

and I felt adored

grateful to m...

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Imagine being totally untethered

After feeling chain linked 

I feel split

That part removed 

That half is trying to renew

But it hurts 

To grow scab over wound 

Missing you is mourning you 

Leaving you is still losing you

And I’m just as lost

As I made you 

If it could be 

I would make it be 

Should I be chain linked again 

I would make it good 

Should ...

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The haunting of a broken tap: drip, drop

The thirst after the sun: drink, gulp

She never said a lot, gargling girl

Sliding in and out of my body

Helping me breathe, walk, talk

That was why I swam

It was water

Brought me alive floating out to No Man’s

Diving down to skim the sand

It was water

Wanted it, always had it, but could never catch it.

It was water

Insipi...

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I’ve peeled off my skin for you 

I’ve let you crunch my bones,

Consume beyond my flesh

Beyond my visceral tissues

Beyond my beating heart

Beyond the fibres of my being

Down to my soul

I’ve let you gobble up my spirit

I’ve let you slurp up my mind

Lick the lasting crumbs

of my emotions

Everything in me

Everything making me, me

All that constructs me

All...

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I’ve been working on

Coming back from

The dead

Realising reality

Living in this world

Becoming me

I don’t have to know who I am

But I must know that I am

I am, I am, I am

I don’t have to know what I am

To deserve to be

I’m working on being,

Just being

Because I’ve been existing

Mindless, automatic, numb

Best autopilot, me

Coming back from the dead

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We go through life trying to fulfill

By feeling full

It’s easy to live in comfort and abundance

But maybe you drown,

Don’t live

And you just exist

Strip away luxury…

Could you be with just yourself,

And basic needs?

With only your thoughts for company?

Because we go through life trying to fulfill

By feeling full

We consume with our mouths

Pack, squeeze, cram...

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You’re right

3 years ago, I viewed frogs as aliens

Now I wonder whether they’re angels

Months ago, I hated the sound of songbirds

Now I write their songs

I tweet along

Everything I did, I did do

It still was

Even if it no longer is

Whatever I am

I still am what I was

Even if I no longer am

You’re right

I was right and now I’m left

But the person I was hasn...

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Real love is life threatening 

It’s not serene, sweet, dream love

It’s not romantic, rainbow love

No

True love is torture 

Gut wrenching pain

Hands and knees, love 

Need it to breathe, love 

It’s enough to put you away, love 

But never pull you away, love 

It’s masochistically addictive 

It titillates and irritates

Possesses every bit 

Until you have a fit

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I’ve been sitting on the precipice of this

For a while

Unsure how to express my feelings

When I don’t know what I feel

You see 

I’m hysterically nonreactive 

I’m worryingly unworried 

A switch 

From nothing to everything 

Because - like Whitman -

I contain multitudes

Many great thrashing waves

Like creatures 

They slip through nets

Can’t be caught 

They...

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When she folded into herself

You all looked away

When she unraveled

You all watched

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I'm a woman

But not the palatable kind

Men see me

They want a taste but often can't stomach it

I writhe and thrash around

Until they have to spit me out

But women always see me

The whole of me

The pit of me

Every last bit of me

They don't complain that I'm too dark

To shine their torches through me

And make me bright 

I never bend to their will

But I ...

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His words could become sharp as corners

And trap you there

Flailing in his grasp

They could pinch your skin

Until you cried

And cried

Throughout your shifts

They could catch your wrists and stop you

From moving on

From moving

They could lock the doors, no leaving

They could shame you and shrink you

They could come flying in from an open window,

A buzzing phon...

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SMASH!

Every time the glass of your skull

Crashes into the fist of another memory

To crush you where you stand

Because another memory has broken you

Because another memory has entered you

Like intruders, they force their way inside

They punch their way into your attention

They invade your heart

Until you must look at them

All so that they can violate you again

They...

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I'm a reptile

But I'm warmer 

When I'm with you

You stir something in me

Like I'm always on the edge of something

There’s a chemical reaction between us

It makes me feel like static energy 

Could we really be the result of chance?

Can chance pull like a magnet?

Or is this kismet?

Because

It runs fast, long, rife

It is our double life

We share a secret world t...

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The first time

Is a pin prick

To unstitch

Your skin

To feel yourself

Begin

You search your being

You are it:

Coursing through yourself

The second time

You search inside

A stranger

Behind the corner shop

You find where he begins

Adrenaline!

But come back,

Stinking of rot

Void of thought

To feel what?

What are you searching for?

To begin ag...

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Some time ago
My skin turned wooden
My feet moulded into one
Foot
I slipped
And smudged the painted grid
On the marble floor
Another time I fell
And did not stop
I rolled right off the board
It was not a conscious decision
To spectate rather than participate
But it happened
As it does to many
Who give up on giving
When you undertake solely seeing
You relinquish being
But not feeli...

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That phrase,
That phrase you love to say
It has become overdone, cliché
No, it’s not a phase
Wait,
Years, not days
And see
I will not change
Not this way or that way
Though I may grow,
I may expand in waves,
I will not change
To fit your phrase
I will only expand,
Expand in waves
Is that okay?
That I will stay?
That I won’t change?
That I can only expand,
Expand in waves?
Is th...

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Lick your fingers
Every last bit
Bend over
Take the hardest hit
Now, burn
And let me watch
Crumble
On the spot
Twist yourself in knots
I want the final drop
Then,
Become dust
Collapse and shed
Until the last sparkle
Of my Queens head
Is spent
Until the last glimmer
Of her glitter
Has bled
You belong to me
I own your soul
That is how
You line
Every pocket
With gold

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Yesterday, I cracked the whip
Over a poor man’s flesh
At his request
Yesterday, I dug my heels
Into the crotch of him
Because he asked
It hurt me to hurt him
But it would hurt him too
Had I refused
The thing about me
Is that I'm not
- Me, I mean -
I'm a chameleon,
Master of masks
Slipping on disguises
Like slipping on shirts
I am metamorphosis
Shapeshifter, am I
With wolf or doe ...

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When sun comes against all odds

And the colours of life just pop

Or when the rain falls

It falls and falls

And you wet your lips

With piping hot tea

With warm biscuit

Savour the crumbs

Cosy and safe

In the arms of a jumper

The padding of the sofa,

Like a huge hug

Or when your face aches,

Your stomach vibrates

Because you are fighting to breathe

Through ...

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I know I traded something

A part of me

For the splendid splendour of money

I did that thing you shouldn’t do

I gave myself to him

You know, the soul

Cut a piece of myself out for him

You know, the heart

I cut a piece of myself off for him

(You know which part)

But I didn't feel a thing

I'm waiting to miss it

Miss this

Thing

I'm waiting for the pain

You...

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How many times must I rinse off the moon

And unpeel the stars from my skin?

Have someone ask what were you drinking?

How many times must I try clinging to lamp lights?

Try configuring keys into shining beacons?

I cannot see in the dark

Yes, blackouts steal my sight

But when finished,

I wake up feeling feverish

And fear ferments and festers

The night can be sticky

H...

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My bed is still warm

When the next body rolls in

But I'm not

I'm numb

Until,

Your body

- Or his -

- Or hers -

Envelopes mine

And I can breathe

Because

I am consumed

I am part of you,

Of someone that lives

That moves

That loves

I am

I was

I will be

Because I'm not apart

Just a part

Of something

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"Find yourself"

You can misplace your mind

But

You can't forfeit your mind

When you've built a fort for your mind

Mine is bulletproof,

Double-glazed,

Soundproof,

In here

I can stay outside of myself

I can step outside of the world

Oops

Yesterday,

I watched us having a conversation

From my window panes

Through the heavy glaze

It made me feel some type...

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Speaking can feel like your swallowing

So, you may as well swallow instead

Or it’s giving,

Giving and giving

Fingers down your throat,

Retching

Searching for…

Will I be stronger tomorrow?

Or just hollow tomorrow?

So, you end up filling up on someone else’s dictionary

I am disarmed without my language

But my language is disarming

Words do break your bones

Voca...

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My time

Is not mine

But our time

You’ve made your bed in my dreams

I lie in it

But 

this isn’t me

See,

I would part with my skin

If it weren’t attached 

And never look back

But

Each night when I close my eyes for sleep

I see you in my head

Your feet poke out one side of your bed

And oh,

It makes me giddy for you

And so,

I end up crawling in bes...

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Yesterday

I caught a star 

With my burning fist

And left my handprint on it

I crash-landed on the clouds 

I bounced back

Bounced back I

Shot a star with my mouth

I juggled Pluto

I breathed on Neptune

I grew a farm on Saturn

I named all the planets that

I was first to visit

Pierced them with flags of my face

Stamped them with my fingerprints

I was the fi...

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Searching for you

You’re the word

On the tip of my tongue

- tip - tip – tick – tock

You’re the face on my clock

Yes!

You’re the catch in my breath

Like if I was to cough

Words of you

Would just tumble out

Like if I was to shout

Words of you

Would just rumble out

You’re built into my skull

You’re the clutch over my brain

You’re running through my veins

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What is the scale of reality?

We all have our own truths

Our own views

How do you quantify actuality?

“A fantasy is a vision

It is solely in your vision

It is envisioned by you

A vision is a fantasy”

But saints had visions!

Politicians have visions!

Some people have double vision

Anyone that has sight has vision

Whether they have a sixth sense

Or no...

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My mouth took some months to bloom

My words took some weeks to flower

You and I do not speak different languages

We possess different meanings

“What is the curl of your tongue?

What is the grind of your teeth?

What is the bow in your brows?

What do you mean?”

Your bottom line is neat and fine

Your ballpoint pen bullet-proof

Underlined

My point is a r...

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Her skin can open up like a mouth

It can speak

When it parts

It can extend like a tongue

It can taste

Your arteries are seams

Try to unpeel them

Slip off your flesh

Undress

Search your pores

For secret trap doors

Let the inside out

Part it like a mouth

Like hers

It can speak

Unfold the red carpets

Of rolled and folded tongue

Let it searc...

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I’m a cycle

I’m a circle

I’m a forever

I’m always

Casting shadows on myself

Packing silver on the shelves

Plus! Plus! Plus! Plus!

I’m infinity

Maths was never my forte

You cannot minus or divide me

I’m a forever

I’m always

Smiling when the moon comes

Smelling for when Monday runs

I was reborn, refreshed

I can be ironed and pressed

Good as new

I’m ...

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If I am your world

with my head lying on your chest,

then is the b-beat b-beating tectonic plates?

Is your heart safely caged?

Can I lift my head or will you break?

You are the love between my legs.

You are my love, between my legs.

Are you the birthmark on my flesh?

It beats: s-stay s-stay...

Is your heart safely caged?

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I am keeping a secret with myself

for myself,

clutching it within like a bird’s claw,

the carrier pigeons have been shot,

guess I forgot to warn the men with rifles,

suppose it wasn’t a clay pigeon after all.

My mouth is a gold crested envelope,

my lips are licked with wax:

they are an inked kiss,

the pout is the stamp,

my mind is the scroll:

bound and bound,

re...

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Minds mould cannot always bend to the will - Look!

A blur of surreal reality:

it’s vivid, a memory, a means 

but travel through years 

and maybe it’s a dream,

or the worst fear:

(for the youth with infantile stretch marks to hear)

Forgotten.

For the youths with flat ironed flesh and barely dogmarked ears,

what we all fear

 is to forget.

Tell the boy with the newly ...

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Do you remember how we used to savour the pins and needles on our tongues?

Do you remember how we used to bite into bitterness?

lick the spit of life

I was turned on by brokenness

maybe it’s cliche

that I craved pain

swallowing broken bottles

it's lined my pockets

it's swollen my stomach

Do you remember when we saw ‘sad’ as just another crayon

to colour ourselves in w...

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I think I hung myself in your tears

Yeah, the other day I realised

One noose, one tear drop - same shape.

I choked on the salt of it

eternally thirsty now

When they fell from your eyes

they looked like showers of broken glass

How I wished I could have swallowed that instead

I think that would hurt less

I’ve got 6 bruises, 7 cuts, 3 scars

I’m still counting.

But why...

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I can’t tell you.

But last night, you entered my chest

for play, some kind of game, like ‘Operation’

and then I couldn’t sleep

I jolted – shivered – jerked – quirked,

now my eyes don’t close

and my body is a pulse,

you tiptoed across my ribcage,

leaving foot prints enlaced by landmines,

you slept on my lungs,

short wired my arteries,

you clipped the circuits of my ...

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My hands are patterned by ambitions,

these lines on my skin are wishes,

palms marked like the sky after a shooting star

and shining when they interlace with your fingers,

your skin's wrinkles and crinkles.

The crevices of our skin do not match or meet

the way coloured paths on a map synchronise and intercross,

reaching destinations.

We are separate pieces of meat

but

...

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