"Guard your heart"

you'd say with a hug. 

I would nod

with a glance that says

"Of course". 

The trouble is 

you cannot find

the chink 

in your armor

until 

you've been pierced. 

Try as I might 

to protect 

to fortify 

to defend

my heart has suffered, 

taken a beating. 

Loving

is a trial by fire. 

Loving 

is a...

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The end goal

is what I'm unsure of. 

My own intentions were

murky 

from the start. 

It was all just 

for fun

for attention

to pass the time. 

And it was fun

until now.

and I felt

good

until now.

but time did pass. 

The taste in my mouth

is bitter

and metallic

and unbearable.

It is the taste of 

rejection-- 

one that I never w...

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I am starting to recognize her again.

For too long

she has been a stranger

within my own skin, 

a cellmate of sorts. 

But today. 

Today I looked in the mirror

and for the first time

in what feels like an eternity

I knew her.

I have been looking at her

for 18 years.

But today

I saw her.

We must make acquaintances once more. 

She has g...

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Before you accuse me 

of distancing myself,

consider the possibility that you

yes, you

are the problem.

Before you say that I am driving

a wedge 

between us,

consider the possibility that you

yes, you

are the wedge 

between me 

and contentment.

Not even happiness, 

just contentment. 

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And we will take over

when your bones grind to dust

and your minds turn to mush.

This new generation

will remove the crown from your head

so that you may return to bed.

Spare your penance,

just add to the will 

our own independence.

Cloned in body, not in mind;

the muzzle removed, we are no longer confined.

Pass the torch

and we will start a wildfire.

Nothing...

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eventually—

it could be soon

— i will run out 

of words

that have not

been said before.

doomed to be ordinary,

to recycle rhymes 

and steal sentences.

to boldly claim

my sentiments,

to pour my heart out,

only for it to have

been said before

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You do not see

the heaving of my chest,

or the 

hurt in my eyes.

You do not hear

the silence after my screams,

or the

sound of angry fists hitting my pillow.

You do not feel 

the tiredness of my eyes

or the

strength that it takes

for me to get up

from the bathroom floor.

You do not see

or hear

or feel these things

simply because you...

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They say it only lasts 4 months

and unfortunately 

i think they are right.

August, you were an enigma;

September, you were a ray of hope.

October, you became an infatuation;

November, you were all I wanted.

so here we are

in December

you are a second thought,

a faded affection.

goodbye.

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the unfortunate reality is

the clock will keep ticking

the world will keep spinning 

the sun will keep shining

after I’m gone.

plants will still grow

birds will still sing

fish will still swim 

after I’m gone.

babies will be born

grass will be green

nothing will be different

after I’m gone.

Is this what you meant

when you told me

to get s...

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I cherish 

the nights spent with you,

my dearest friends, 

the ones closest to my soul.

These nights are invaluable;

and the love we share 

seems palpable.

These nights

restore a certain balance to my life,

a balance that I find trouble articulating skillfully 

I can only liken it to

limitlessness 

or a grasp of infinity.

In these moments

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velvet tongue

tell me what I want to hear

don’t break the news

don’t give me truth 

just sing your melody in my ear

entrap me, enchant me

make me stay

if it weren’t for you, velvet tongue, 

i would surely have gone away

dim the light inside me 

so yours can burn brighter 

and you will whisper to me,

”you’re a lover, not a fighter”. 

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in his moments of boredom,

i hope that i cross his mind.

and when he feels lonely,

he knows that he crosses mine.

i hope that he thinks of me, 

even the simplest thought.

i can hope we are meant to be,

but we are not.

if you could see through my eyes, 

you would know how much i despise 

the thought of loving you from a distance.

because you consume my ent...

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To succumb 

to the darkness

on my knees

feeling the cold metal

on my fingertips.

I tilt the bowl

towards me,

feeling the weight

shift.

out of the bowl, 

I sip the 

bitter

heady wine 

of seduction.

taking part, 

being part of 

the evils 

I once preached against.

A chill down my spine,

then an eerie rush of warmth.

The gold 

intrica...

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self love

self love

self love

I repeat

looking into 

the bathroom mirror.

staring into

cold eyes 

that are

not my own,

feeling other skin 

that covers someone else’s bones.

this cannot be me.

but somehow,

someway,

it is.

A viscious 

bloody

never-ending 

terrible war.

a war within myself

that I will surely

never w...

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I want to criticize you

for acting this way.

The anger,

the gritted teeth,

the clenched fists,

the same apology afterwards.

I want to yell at you

for being this way

until I realize 

I am the same as you

because you created me.

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I fear that

I will vanish

without a trace

as they add

the final date

to the right

of the hyphen.

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Dull eyes, blank faces

fake smiles, fake concern.

The façade is demanding,

arduous, exhausting. 

Which raises the question

Is faking worth it? 

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