Apologies, in advance, for the rude words !

Folk who pee in public places (treating them as ‘loos’).

‘Concert-girls’, on partners’ shoulders, blocking others’ views.

Kids that kick your airplane seat whilst parents just ignore.

Gits who queue-jump at the bar -‘though you were there before.

Those who walk straight past you, without thanks .... or smiles.... or nods.

Read and leave comments (4)

”You can’t put old heads on young shoulders!”, they say. 

But I think that I may have ‘come-up’ with a way, 

involving some sawing - and stitching - and glue 

(and a bit of a ‘heads-up’, in just what to do!).  

But, if I decided to give it a ‘bash’, 

that would leave a spare head and a body (to stash)! 

Which seems such a waste of a woman or man.

So, now I’ve develop...

Read and leave comments (1)

So, now those ‘Man-Size’ tissues

are named ‘Extra-Large’ instead. 

It’s another “sexist” issue 

that is messing with me ‘ead!  

It seems, the major problem 

is all centred around ‘Man’. 

Folk find this word offensive 

but I’m ‘flummoxed’ if I can !

I’m fearing for the future 

if this nonsense carries on. 

‘Cos they’ll ban the ‘Man’ from everything

 in fav...

Read and leave comments (4)

My mother’s mother, Granny Brown

was ‘muchly-loved’ (once) in our town. 

The care she gave; her happy ways. 

She cheered us, in her ‘ember days’. 

She liked to knit, but not to sell.  

Such quality, (oh, you could tell!). 

Each item, thoroughly bespoke 

- for gifting to specific folk.  

“Gran, that’s great !” I’d often shout.  

“You knit them, then you han...

Read and leave comments (4)

Size Matters!

Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.

On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.

I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth

Read and leave comments (9)

A 'Valued' Friend!

Frank, tonight, is working late.

The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.

“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.

“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.

I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,

to tell you of his news, alas.”

“It’s nice of you to think of me.”

Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”

And so they share a brew and chat;

some thoug...

Read and leave comments (2)

The Trouble With Nuts!

The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.

But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.

It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed

they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!

Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.

Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).

A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...

Read and leave comments (0)

'Double' Act !

In Nineteen Ninety Four,

a young man took the floor

for the television show, “Stars in Their Eyes”!

He was, ‘hips-to-feet’ in plaster

as he struggled out, to master

his new crutches, in a bid to win the prize.

The host (then), Matthew Kelly

introduced him on the ‘telly’,

saying “Simon, what a plucky guy you are.

I’ve been told, a year ago,

...

Read and leave comments (2)

Jesus Wants You! 

He forced the door and entered, stepping over shards of glass, 

to effortlessly melt into the chamber’s darkened mass. 

And, as his torchlight searched for ‘victim-drawers’ to rifle through, 

out of darkness, rasped a voice; “Jesus is watching you.” 

He froze - was someone in the room inviting conversation? 

Or maybe he was hearing things (or his ...

Read and leave comments (4)

Chess Pains!

Yet another chess convention

called upon the monthly pension.

Crusty codgers, ‘ coffin - dodgers’.

Reek of mothballs (best not mention!)

Hotel filled with ancient blokes,

bragging of their master-strokes.

‘Castle-crashers’, ‘Bishop-bashers!’

Cracking ‘chess-related’ jokes!

The old ‘ Grand Master’ then appeared,

to boast and crow (whils...

Read and leave comments (9)