Today I looked at my mirror image and didn’t turn away.

I scanned my face and physique without any harmful thoughts.

Taking an interest in the fabric that I wear, not the skin beneath it.

Seeing myself as a complex creature, not a simple sex doll.

Admiring the way my hair falls around my face and my necklace matches my earrings.

How my blue eyes stand out submerged in eye shadow and...

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You touch me with your cold hands that have touched too many.

Finally making me feel seen and desirable.

As I gaze intently into your eyes, I notice you are not searching to see my soul.

You are simply seeing the face and lips that lie before you.

I hold hunger to be in your world, you only hold hunger to be in my body.

Although when you hold me tight, everything seems to be alrigh...

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My body isn’t truly part of me.

I see it as an entire separate entity.

An unholy presence that has latched onto me.

Causing me so much pain and despair

Nothing about it is correct.

Every inch of skin has a certain marking or shape that I despise.

I look around to see a crowd of other figures. All perfect. All desired.

But mine. Mine is disgusting.

I don’t even want to look ...

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'Is everything okay?' She asked with a sense of duty not care.

This tells me that even the deepest of pains cannot be concealed. Humans know humans.

All those wasted hours I spent on pampering my appearance to hide behind a mask of beauty have been wasted.

My reflection routine of practising the performance of emotions must have been ineffective.

In response I say, ‘yes I’m okay!’ tr...

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While admiring the happy couple I feel bliss.

Then my stomach sinks.

The heart-shattering realisation that I will never acquire that same affection.

Some humans are not built for romance, and I am shamefully one of them.

I do not want your roses. I do not care for your false proposes.

All I want is to be seen.

For someone to not love me for my skin, but for my soul.

Many eyes ...

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You melted away my confidence with every word you spat.

Although my legs lay long, I feel immensely small.

How can someone who's only duty is to love, be so terribly cruel.

Your words spin around my disturbed mind.

Slowly breaking away into my peace, creating more mental madness for me to carry.

I am that baby you once held in your arms.

I am the hair you once washed.

I am the...

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Something must be done. I must find the puzzle piece to full my emptiness. 

The sound of my mouth quickly eating echoing through my ears. The weight being realised from my shoulders. At last.

Peace.

Hold on. STOP STOP. Why can’t I stop?

My appetite is gone but my pain lingers. As I re-gain awareness I am surrounded by an endless pile of wrappers. Each one symbolising my failure. My lac...

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I envy those who experience stillness.

A feeling which my mind is constantly searching for.

My internal monologue throwing my head back and forward and back again.

Blood being ghastly pumped through my aching limbs.

Must keep moving. Must keep moving.

My body a burden I must carry throughout all my days.

My mind a vampire sucking away my essence.

My lungs lost for air.

A...

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The concept of beauty has consumed my entire head space.

Not a day goes by were I don't gaze into my reflection until it's deformed.

My mind on a continuous loop of self hatred and self obsession.

Am I pretty or am I delusional?

I seem to want to gain validation more than sanity.

Looking intently into the eyes of those who peer my way to read their mannerisms around my presence.

...

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