Today I looked at my mirror image and didn’t turn away.

I scanned my face and physique without any harmful thoughts.

Taking an interest in the fabric that I wear, not the skin beneath it.

Seeing myself as a complex creature, not a simple sex doll.

Admiring the way my hair falls around my face and my necklace matches my earrings.

How my blue eyes stand out submerged in eye shadow and...

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My body isn’t truly part of me.

I see it as an entire separate entity.

An unholy presence that has latched onto me.

Causing me so much pain and despair

Nothing about it is correct.

Every inch of skin has a certain marking or shape that I despise.

I look around to see a crowd of other figures. All perfect. All desired.

But mine. Mine is disgusting.

I don’t even want to look ...

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'Is everything okay?' She asked with a sense of duty not care.

This tells me that even the deepest of pains cannot be concealed. Humans know humans.

All those wasted hours I spent on pampering my appearance to hide behind a mask of beauty have been wasted.

My reflection routine of practising the performance of emotions must have been ineffective.

In response I say, ‘yes I’m okay!’ tr...

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Something must be done. I must find the puzzle piece to full my emptiness. 

The sound of my mouth quickly eating echoing through my ears. The weight being realised from my shoulders. At last.

Peace.

Hold on. STOP STOP. Why can’t I stop?

My appetite is gone but my pain lingers. As I re-gain awareness I am surrounded by an endless pile of wrappers. Each one symbolising my failure. My lac...

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I envy those who experience stillness.

A feeling which my mind is constantly searching for.

My internal monologue throwing my head back and forward and back again.

Blood being ghastly pumped through my aching limbs.

Must keep moving. Must keep moving.

My body a burden I must carry throughout all my days.

My mind a vampire sucking away my essence.

My lungs lost for air.

A...

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The concept of beauty has consumed my entire head space.

Not a day goes by were I don't gaze into my reflection until it's deformed.

My mind on a continuous loop of self hatred and self obsession.

Am I pretty or am I delusional?

I seem to want to gain validation more than sanity.

Looking intently into the eyes of those who peer my way to read their mannerisms around my presence.

...

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