Pam's very nice so far as she goes

The kind of looks I usually admire

A few quid in the bank is a help

Yet she doesn't set my heart on fire

Nancy on the other hand is poor

She's no Monroe or Lana Turner

More a down-market Bette Davis

A plain Jane, and a bit of a yearner

Just how do you weigh up women?

What should go into the scales?

Why can't I be spontaneou...

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Some like a hearty breakfast, others just a roll

You need fuel in your furnace to face life's rigours

Yet some agonise over their self-image

Wayward minds obsessing about their figures

I'm not surprised you keep fainting

I've told you till I'm blue in the face

Cottage cheese and a slice of Ryvita

Leaves you reeling all over the place

You staggered and all but fain...

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There's a strange woman in the flat above

I fear that lockdown has affected her wits

She's started singing in the middle of the night

Mostly Whitney Houston's greatest hits

I put a note under her door complaining

She rang saying sorry for giving me a fright

We're both young bored and frustrated she said

She knew a better way to pass the night

It turns out she's a ...

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Eight Monday evenings for two hours

"Psychology for Beginners":

Ego, super-ego, id

Neurosis by osmosis, Freud, Jung Adler,

Cognitive therapy, Gestalt, Twin studies,

Attachment Theory

I never knew how unhappy I was

I'm half-way through now, a mass of

Symptoms, fresh phobias

Nesting in my head, making sense of what caused

Those empty evenings to start with.

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