In a chat with my long-time best mate

Who’d a penchant for putting on weight

I confided I felt

That he could be quite svelte

If he ate from a much smaller plate

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If I am correctly concluding

Today Caledonions are brooding

‘Cause there’s no party peeps

Getting tatties and neeps

With much-vaunted sheep’s offal pudding

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At last I have hope of salvation

I’ve now had my first vaccination

So I’ll wait in the queue

Till the second one’s due

While planning a Spanish vacation

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Well the world news of late has been crap

With disasters all over the map

Why can’t we call pax

And simply chillax

With a nice drop of something on tap

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They’ve extended the time between jabs

Though it’s never been tested in labs

So I guess it’s a guess

We must hope for success

And immunity’s still up for grabs

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He’s hummed and he’s ha’ed and he’s hedged

With calumnies falsely alleged

But it’s time I believe

He should pack up and leave

His legacy surely guilt-edged

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We’ve got through the seasonal cheer

Well stuffed with roast turkey and beer

But the poor bathroom scales

Now just greet us with wails

And hide when we try to come near

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My fingers and toes are all froze

And icicles hang from my nose

This winter’s a curse

Please send for a nurse

To warm me beneath the bedclothes

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They tell me that Christmas is coming

And those dozen drummers are drumming

But the pipers I think

Have had too much to drink

And their conduct’s become unbecoming

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It’s time that the story was told

How passion that night took a hold

There was snow all around

But they happily found

Not everything shrinks when it’s cold

The temperature dropped through the night

But they were so filled with delight

That they did it again

And again and again

And once more before it was light

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When England played our boys in green

In Dublin the teams did convene

They huffed and they puffed

But got roundly stuffed

With nine points to Ireland’s thirteen

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I really do not want to see

Those reality shows on TV;

They just make me yawn,

I wish they were gone,

There’s movies I’d much rather see.

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Last night I set out to make curry

But was in a bit of a hurry

I know it sounds silly

To double the chilli

Now there’s somewhere else I must scurry!

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