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coach E


The lights don't work in carriage E.

The Train Manager, a caring sort of girl,

explains that really we should be evacuated

but the train is crowded

and, well, we are all grown ups aren't we?


So every time the train goes through a tunnel

she stands, torch in hand,

and shines it up onto the roof.

We all feel very special in coach E.


I look through the window where

bedraggled cormorants take on a crucifixion pose.

"It always was a troubled village".

I hear a woman say.

Egrets, fragile as bone china

stand poised in silver shallows.

The ribs of my favorite wreck

worn black and wet

exposed at falling tide like

the Boxing Day turkey.


Vacant masts sharp as fish bones,

a soft-blurred horizon alternating

with the shock of sudden tunnels.

 

Dawlish Warren and I can't help thinking

of the woman killed running across the track

to save her dog. Red Rock Cafe closed,

men in yellow jackets repair the coastal path.

Roe deer in Powderham Castle grounds court and spark

in misty bracken. Two swans on the estuary.


The man opposite me does deals on his mobile.

I catch his tension, it's touch and go.

And the ceiling in the toilet lets in rain.

Just another London journey

on another Paddington bound train.

◄ whale music

space ►

Comments

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Lynn Dye

Sat 20th Nov 2010 12:53

Only just read this one, Ann, and have to say how good I think it is. Really enjoyed the journey with you. xx

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Elaine Booth

Mon 15th Nov 2010 19:49

Verses 3 to 6 seem to me very strong. But "we are all grown ups" linked to the reference to the woman killed rescuing her dog seems a strong link binding a theme of the poem. Like Ray I don't think you have to have the last 2 lines but you know best what effect you are aiming at so maybe we are just plain wrong!

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Ann Foxglove

Mon 15th Nov 2010 18:05

Thanks all. It was a bit of a scribble that I put directly up as a blog, so the story telling bits might not sit happily with the "poetic" bits. But it was an interesting journey. Public transport is very conducive to poems!

<Deleted User> (7164)

Mon 15th Nov 2010 12:03

It took a few reads for me to really get into this one. Maybe it's because i'm not a regular traveller on trains.
I love the images in it and particularly the references to cormorants, egrets and the troubled village too.x

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Andy N

Mon 15th Nov 2010 08:18

lovely, Ann.. speaking as a person who regularly gets train to and from work and also visiting his other half, i can really see this.

my favourite bit is:

Vacant masts sharp as fish bones,
a soft-blurred horizon alternating
with the shock of sudden tunnels.

but it's a strong poem on the whole.. top one, ann x

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Ray Miller

Sun 14th Nov 2010 21:27

Good one. Maybe "We all feel Extra special in coach E"? The 4 lines from "The ribs....turkey" are terrific, as is "Vacant masts sharp as fish bones". I think you'd have a better ending without the last 2 lines.

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winston plowes

Sun 14th Nov 2010 21:08

just another day on our rail network eh! nice observations Ann. Are there red sandstone cliffs in Dawlish Warren? liked the turkey ribs. Win x

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Dave Bradley

Sun 14th Nov 2010 16:51

I like this Ann. The pace of the poem is just right for the reflective yet alert mood which a train journey can create. I'm sure I'm not the only reader whose mind goes back to journeys taken. That's sad about the woman killed - it sometimes happens when dogs fall in water as well. Deserving of a poem in itself.

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Greg Freeman

Sun 14th Nov 2010 16:10

I like these Cornwall-Paddington poems! The third stanza is the best, full of sharp observation, the cormorants, the egrets and the wreck, and the killer line: "It always was a troubled village." !! Just shows, you always get good poems from trains ...

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