Comments
Lovely words. That is quite a rare talent to be able to spontaneously generate a poem in that way. I dread to think what I would come up with. It is very descriptive, nicely paced and gives the listener time to reflect on the words.
If you spoke this off the cuff with no words, you should be so proud of yourself. You capture the atmoshere so well. I would agree with the others re your voice and performance - you have a lovely voice and tone - very mellow and soft.
I never read this initially cos there were no words. I like to see written words - you should have added them later!
Thanks for comments. I wasn't actually reading this one! I decided to do a stream of conciousness poem, so having stared out of the window for a while (it was a lovely night) I just said what came into my head, imagining how it would feel to dwell in that beautiful wilderness. So no written words! It was an experiment. :)
Love the atmospheric feel to this, Ann. You read so well. xx
Lovely, Ann. Like Janet, I too would love to have the words also to savour and enjoy in a different way. x
Very atmospheric - the static adding to the feeling of isolated desolation.
Hope you don't mind if I add one or two suggestions too? Not about the poem - about the recording, really minor points but - just be aware of the sibilance of your 's' sounds - unless it's the effect you want, try to minimise it otherwise can sound a little bit hissy; also - you cut the recording very abruptly after you finish speaking, just a very few seconds of ambient noise would have finished it very nicely.
Incidentally - the static/white noise you can hear when you 'untune' your radio or tv is the noise from the'big bang' - another reason, I think, why the atmosphere on the recording really works with the poem.
Cx
Got shivers listening to this Ann! Agree with everyone re your voice - sounds just beautiful on this. Really conveys the desolation of space.
<Deleted User> (7164)
Mon 15th Nov 2010 23:32
Agreed, it is beautifully read. I would love to be able to read the words on the page too if you could see your way to posting them?
Please.x
Hi Ann
You read beautifully. Lovely voice, if I might be so bold.
Very 2001.
These are merely suggestions. Up to you.
I think this would be even better with some editing to get it down to its bare bones, reflecting the spatial sparseness.
suggest you cut the duplications/redundancies [brackets]:
It’s cold up here [in space]
Having just heard you read the title, we know where you are already
Once it was home
[Not any more]
We know the second line from the “once it was…”
Try removing the –ly adverbs and see how it sounds then.
Brilliantly read and a lovely piece.
hope you dont mind these suggestions?
Beautifully read Ann.
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Ann Foxglove
Thu 2nd Dec 2010 18:30
Thanks Dave and Isobel. I couldn't add written words cos I know if I wrote it down I would have had to make a few changes, then I would have had to re-do the audio which would have lost the whole point of the thing. It was fun to do and I might have another try at another "instant" poem one day!