Note: No profile exists for this entry - most likely it was deleted.
There is something suspect
in these tears I’ve wept;
too wet at the death of one unmet.
What’s the online grieving etiquette?
Are virtual wreaths for poets’ graves
flung silent through the cyberspace
as artificial as the blooms
on manicured, well-tended tombs?
I make you up - a bearded figure,
Lawrentian, though somewhat bigger,
eyes a-blazing truth to power.
Quick then, take this token flower
thrown to follow through the shade.
Unseen faces cannot fade.
Thanks for all your kind comments.
Not that keen on lines 9-10 myself, Isobel.
How's about this?
I make you up - my mental picture,
a dark and vital, bearded figure
Now I think about it I'm not that happy with lines 7-8 either!
Beautifully worded, enjoyed this very much.
<Deleted User> (10123)
Tue 20th Mar 2012 20:43
Good grief what a stunner. Will have to chuck one of those virtual gold medal thingies. A prize piece and with such a contemporary delivery (that's got nothing to do with what colour it's painted) Many thanks for sharing this little beauty. Ta much, Nick.
Philipos
Tue 20th Mar 2012 20:29
Gosh Ray, a rhymer. Liked the emoticon idea. Not sure of the closeness of the person passed in view of the earlier dialogue but then I've seen celebs in floods of tears during that 'Who do you think you are series'. I think funerals do tend tend to be culverts for inexplicable grief don't they.
CHEERS.
I like the poem, but ....the last line is the best: "Unseen faces cannot fade."
So many faces yet to meet and we may mourn the lost opportunities. I'm glad you revisited this one.
I really like the title and the ideas in this and the first half of the poem. I think thereafter I start to feel like the rhyming scheme is dictating your choice of words - which is my problem whenever I try to rhyme.
It is a poem that I like though - cos I feel I can connect with it. You can feel like you know someone you've never met, particularly through their poetry and the way they comment. It would be easy to grieve their virtual death.
Well there was, Laura, three years ago, when I first wrote this. I just dug it up and rewrote it, as is my wont. I'm dead mercenary, me.
Not sure what to say about this Ray, as reading between the lines it seems like there may have been a loss, over there at the 'other place'?
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Isobel
Wed 21st Mar 2012 13:02
How about -
'I make you up - your face is mine'
it kind of gets across the way we take ownership of this on line persona - it also gives you something easier to rhyme with.
Alternatively, something totally different
'A figment of my errant mind'