Comments
Maybe summat like "Feel safe that faith in the Daily Fail." See, I'm programmed for rhyme.
It's apparent that you're referring to the Daily Mail, but in the context of the poem I don't think Fail is working. Also, berating the Daily Mail and its readers has been done to death.
Thanks for reading and taking the time to comment folks.
Ray - yeh, still not sure on slander/ing - works both ways when it's performed tbh. And, it was originally 'facts' but I couldn't enunciate it so well when it came to it, so it got changed to 'true' - still fits with the rhythm though so I can make it work. You use rhyme much more than I do...I tend to fall on rhythm to make a verse work, in tandem with SOME rhyme, for performance poems.
Agree that 'your acts' could be improved on - will have a think on that. 'Daily Fail' stays as it's a spoof on Daily Mail, which I thought would be really clear to people. Is it not?
Chris - aye, the idea of putting those lines there is to kind of forefront the whole idea of propaganda by using several of the 7 categories of propaganda techniques, then using the phrases which match those categories. 'Hard working family/striver' is amongst the glowing/glittering generalities/bandwagon category, and 'skiver/scrounger' is in the bandwagon/name-calling category.
Works extremely well for the govt though, doesn't it, when you consider how many people actually do believe it when they repeat those terms?
god forbid hey?! people losing their jobs everywhere are feeling a sincere sense of putting their 'foot' in it :)
tony sheridan
Fri 8th Feb 2013 19:36
Great stuff Laura!!! Take care, Tony.
Just a few asuggestions -
slandering littering - bit of a mouthful, I'd just have slander.
If it’s in the papers then it’s obviously fact?
But Jack you know it doesn’t go into their workless purse - I'd omit Jack, reads smoother without.
without a dime to call the time on - rhymes with dine on, seems silly not to.
and pray your acts of Daily Fail - I think it's a weak line, or at least "your acts of" could be improved upon.
Should perform really well.
I’m all ears for your misplaced fears
That's the essence and best line for me.
Also liked the two lines that followed in that stanza.
If it were me - I would try and get those three last lines from the first stanza into my ending. I think those lines are very strong and I would somehow try and work them round. Subjective of course.
Either way - should perform really well.
Best
Chris
Great stuff Laura. You've nailed it brilliantly!
Can't wait to see you shout this out loud!
I posted one recently when I got on my high horse about homelessness called Gimme Shelter and pointed it at the decision makers and fat cats etc.( got a lot of my chest )
The more people that raise the issues the better.
Rock on Sister!
Thanks chaps!
Oh, it WILL be shouted Greg, be sure of that ;) Am thinking of saving this one for later on in the year actually - couple of festivals that it'd be bang on for ;D
Aye Neil - tragically, that is the way it is :(
These are things that need to be said, Laura; shouted out, in fact. I hope you include this one at the Orwell for the Diggers fundraiser. George would approve, I'm sure.
Fantastic Laura! Brilliant tub thumping stuff and poignantly accurate, oh how the weak like to feed their fury on the weak.
One for performing, obviously :)
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Laura Taylor
Mon 11th Feb 2013 13:38
Bloody ell Ray, are you trying to get me to spit all over the front row or sommat?! ;D I'll never be able to bloody enunciate that lot!
Re Daily Mail berating - it's a time-honoured thing, like laughing at your own farts. They stay funny, the Daily Mail stays a target. It's rags like that who print this kind of shite - missing them out would just be wrong.