Sod wearing purple,

I’m gonna fake dementia.

Sup single malt in Tesco aisles

and Jose Cuervo Gold.                   

Steal Thornton’s biggest fuck-off box

of truffles, milk and dark.

Then stuff my face with Krispy Kremes,

leave fingermarks on magazines.

I’ll ride the roads in off-peak times,

rob Asdas far and wide.

A North West quest to shoplift shite

funded by the State.

 

Like Cooper Clarke

I’ll take up smack,

perfect on a pension.

A tenner wrap’ll see me through

five days’ worth of budget food.

Keep me warm and help me sleep,

‘cause I can’t afford the heating bills.

Poppy tea and home-grown green

replacing own-brand tins of beans.

I’ll start to deal, and not in stocks,

so stick your purple cardie                          

in the Sad Old Bastards box.

 

 

https://www.writeoutloud.net/public/blogentry.php?blogentryid=73720