Lucy
When you,
my darling of three spring times
climb in with me, in the morning early
when woke from dreaming or from birdies chorus
And I fold you into me.
The coldest parts of you,
though torture to my sleep warm flesh,
I suffer gladly
to make you warm again.
Your frozen feet allowed to
kick into my doughy tum
your hands, reach for my armpits
this I allow.
Your face so close to mine I cannot see you
but for furry colours
a wide line of pink for mouth
set in a peachy frame
I breathe your breath
you mine
it clogs my lungs and makes
me roll my eyes in panic
but then,
as I open my lids and look and you, hearing the ungluing too
open yours,
little slits, showing sleepy sloes
the pink spreads slowly o’er your face
you smile.
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Wed 7th Apr 2010 12:08
This is an intimate moment well rendered, like a personal photo peeped at, almost causing a guilty feeling.
I don't think you need 'poetical license' with 'o'er'. 'over' seems fine, and fits with the type of poem.