The night they killed Osama bin Laden,
we drank the bottles down to the shards
We screamed
We pushed all the sand off the third deck
We racked every bolt in our soul
We shed every piece of body armor
We spat into the face of this childhood stupidity
War movies and old men talking
Watching the whole world fall down
Why did I find myself such a fool,
to carry a rifle for nothing
 

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The I, me, pajama striped shirted,

Ignorant, stand alone, shout-out nutcase,

nonsensical words blurted,

staggered with burp and belch

under caustic breath;

ale breath, shot breath.

He gives a show of

none stick comedy,

and imperfectly performed

puerile knobbery.

“Huh! Huh!”

Pint, betting slip, kebab

“What’s that? Yea,

I'll be home soon, Bab”

Tells her t...

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Stuck in the mud, no seriously, 

I mean literally and not figuratively – it's a conspiracy. 

Because I’m in a rush, but I'm so stuck I can’t even push. 

And my stress levels are on the move, they’re rising, 

I’m watching the clock and it’s hypnotising. 

Too long I've been vexed by this impertinent voice! 

Incessantly chatting into the night with his noise. 

As I sit wide awake...

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It has been a while

Wind of change have yet to come

Will it ever come? 

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A hawk across swiftly sweeping clouds
Nimble nimbus, left to right, north to south
Fluid spraying out of mouth, moths meandering
Slandering ourselves, shelves growing empty
Last piece in your puzzle heart fitting gently
You lent me, a spark of empathy
A chance to see things differently

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I fumble for my matches out there in the frosty winter
It's 11 degrees and 4 in the night
The angel of the dawn is already there
Sighing longingly and sitting on a ledge

I go sit beside him and he laughs a little and lits up the holy flame
That's all what its' good for now anyways lighting cigarettes and turning minds to ash

He tells me a story or two
Stories about failed lovers, cr...

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I called into the darkness,
only shadows replied with their silence
Surrounded and juxtaposed,
men senselessly exchanging violence
You can't survive this, involuntary birth,
existence the mirth of a blind God
A blind fraud, a sadist, preaching morality from the bloody pulpit
Your last hot cup of coffee, your last half smoked cigarette
The lights are about to flip off for a while, greet it ...

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Broken

It’s a weird feeling. 

Hating yourself.  

Always. 

I try so hard to put on a show

Always

To all of my friends

And my family 

I need to be strong.

I don't want pity 

I don't want to be a charity case

I’ve always been the person people come to for advice 

And I’ve always been there for all my friends 

And goddammit, I wish they were there for me 

I me...

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My heart aches

My chest is heavy

I can't sleep from visions of -

what could have been and what were -

play through my mind.

My eyes are dry from crying endlessly

My breathe is shuttered from the words -

I wish I could have said to you.

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Bedtime

Do you ever lie there at night,

With memories running through your mind

of times gone by, to come, to never be?

I heard meditation lets you slow these down,

See all of them at once or not at all,

To just be there - thoughts floating through your mind

like tiny boats sailing the wind in a breeze,

Peacefully gliding through your consciousness

Like a kite rippl...

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I am so very exhausted
I tried everything,  I really did
Still this darkness looms over me
Making the love and happiness hard to see
Everything is impossible to try to reach
This constant fight drains me like a leach
My limbs are so heavy, I can hardly move
Bouts of energy come far too little, and far too few
So I'm stuck in this position, as if I'm glued
And no this isn't the type of day...

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I am tired.

Tired of the moment my body urges me to go to bed.

I am tired.

Tired of lying here waiting for sleep to take over.

I am tired.

Tired of waiting and waiting and waiting...

I am tired.

Tired of suddenly waking up in the middle of the night and being unable to fall back asleep.

I am tired.

Tired of waking up in the morning and not being well rested.

I am so t...

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Would you believe me

If I told you the truth

Would you stay with me,

Or would you just leave?

Would you still feel 

The way that you do

If you saw me kneel

Before the demons so cruel?

I tried to escape

But it fell right through

It was never fate

What should I do?

I didn't mean to fail 

I did choose you

But the monsters fight

Harder than I'm able to

I...

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He made our argument physical again tonight

Every time I think it's the last

Leaving him isn't an option

Plus, where would I go?

My heart can't take the cruel words or pain

Eventually, I'll learn how to cope.

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Life by Numbers

1. My father walks the sea-edge and is young, as a child is young.

2. My father's voice is hardwood, and timpan drums.

7. My father's eyes are tired.

16. The cyclone clouds hang swollen sheets above.

19. I am afraid.

20. I shall put fear at the bottom of depths the deep blue made.

25. My brothers' arms surround me.

31. We sit on the brim of laught...

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I need to buy tablet pen tips

Forty two hours since my last nap

Forty two thousand taps, scrapes,

And frustrated sighs

How much in sales today?

Can I sleep yet?

Is it enough?

How many strokes across digital canvas

To correct the damage done 

One commission to the next

My heart left these works long ago

Onward, fingers, onward 

Create the things they want to see

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things are getting bad again. things have been bad for awhile.

maybe im thinking too much, i mean, i havent slept in 24 hours

maybe it's just that video i watched on black holes getting to me

the thought that one day everything i know will just be sucked into one singularity and basically cease to exist

it's not really comforting...

things have been bad for awhile.

it's not so mu...

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The shadows of smudges showing through

Poised over the earth to correct the simplest of mistakes

Balanced perfectly above a tiny peak

my moon

Frantically Orbiting all of existence

Waiting to smear words without resistance

Blank, it waits to pull restraints

Exhaling the tides

my moon

Ridding the lies the sea portrays

Constantly drifting away

Longing to erase what I ...

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O what i wonderful day for me to wake up only to wait and see what horror lies ahead 

I shall not falter but tread lightly on this thin line and proceed to go on with my day 

Let me put on my boots work my hours long but fulfilling 

Learn my job hard but where I can achieve greatness but first i must be great

Talented as such myself will show me more behind the closed door 

I lie on...

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I was not aware how weak I was,

Till I felt your voice,

The reaction I had to you

As my new favorite song.

I had no choice

After you I was going

To bad if where I was headed

Was wrong.

How the minute my soul awakened

from a pit so far down

it be considered a ghost,

God need not help me then

for he knew I was long gone

already down on my knee's

decidin...

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You wanted to go to a cliff and scream your lungs out but you realized there’s no voice coming out. 

You feel an ache in your heart, the kind where you felt it ripped slowly but you don’t know why. 

You wish to voice out those aching but there’s no words to describe. 

You’re surrounded by oh so many people and yet you feel you’re the only one alive.

You listened to sad songs to make yo...

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