Wearing rubber boots

I open the door

what kind of horror will I face?

Never been to this place

but heard of the legend 

of Michi

---

A black feline

sublime

Who protects 

her dwelling

with her fangs and claws

Got to follow her laws

or swiftly be corrected 

---

She claimed this home

after living a life of abandoment

A feral

who was tired of the p...

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I woke up this morning a bit confused

ready to go to the kitchen and swallow my pills

They help my mind get straight

if I don't take them by eight

it's too late

---

I look at the clock OH NO I over slept

---

My thoughts start to gather and circle my room

I try to grab one but it escapes me

Words start to play bumper cars in my head

soon it feels like lead

my mar...

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I wrote this for my now fiance not long after we first started seeing each other after her love for cats (and her tongue in cheek insistance she was one) inspired me to start writing again, after maybe 5 years of not picking up a pen.  I recently proposed to her through a series of short poems taking us on a treasure hunt around Edinburgh looking for J K Rowling inspired landmarks, but that's anot...

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I cannot shed 
My winters coat
At 22 degrees below
I'm still farming.....
Nearly starved last year
I know it's quite  alarming.....
But mothers says 
There aint enough
To get us through 
The winters tough
With the horses I plow away....
Into the night from start of day....
We finally got 
Our winters store
With that the horse
We plow no more
That's Winter farming....
I know it's k...

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sort your napper out peter said,
with a name like yours that is sure to spread,
mycock sure knows what to do,
when he follows a bet all the way through.
We going to the dogs? he always asks,
but listening to mycock is just one of the tasks.

With his skinny torso and milk bottle legs,
he's got a secret little way of beating those eggs,
His big slug lips and tuna pasta bake,
yet all ...

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There was a woman named Jane,
Who never liked to see it rain.
So she listened to the song umbrella,
So she could dance with a nice fit fella.
All work and no play is grim,
So she goes to turkey for a little swim.

Off she goes for all inclusive,
Whilst she looks at all the exclusives.
Keep the drinks coming, it’s all paid for,
Whilst Jane settles down on the sea shore.
Cheers cock she l...

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They married young and grew apart, as people often do.

Future life for both of them will be with someone new.

The problem though, was cash so short

they could not move their home.

Until some savings could be made,

and low cost rents be found.

Circumstance demanded that

the bed must still be shared.

Things were tough, no time for fun,

except for weekend booze.

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Not sure if this one counts as a poem, but its here anyway.

Masterdebate
Presented by John Speaker

"Hi guys and welcome to the show!
The show where we aim to make debate look like adolescent banter!
Masterdebate!

"In today's game we have two teams who have entered the room blindfolded. On the right we have the blue team led by David!

"Hi David, tell us a little about yourself but wi...

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I'm going to tell you a story, which was genuinely one of the most terrifying moments of my life. I'd always been quite cynical about the idea of ghosts and demons and spiritualism, but this moment changed that for me and made me realise that actually, we are NOT alone in this world. Please, I know and understand the cynicism of most on this topic, but I can assure you that I have not invented any...

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I'm going to give this context by starting off reading my old match and pof profile. This is genuinely real. 

It's always hard to know what to say on these things so I'm just going to fill my profile with exaggeration and nonsense.

I would describe myself as a cross between Brad Pitts character in fight club and a sensitive fireman who likes kittens. Overall I'm pretty awesome. Kind, in...

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A LESSON THAT I TAUGHT

I Teach!!

I taught...

Here's a lesson that I taught...

I had this lesson. It were ace in my mind!

The planning was tight, concise, well timed

Going into the room - my stage

Put on the teacher face, the act

(My phone is buzzing but I don't react)

Lights, camera, action! You're on!

"Hi guys! Come in, unpack your things!"

But...

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