She, 

 is not yet an old soul. Such apprenticeship has not yet begun.

Studiously she watches as you cite your second hand wisdom. 

Bested by her innocence,  such familiar nostalgia withers like the thick layer of dust it hides beneath.

Shaken and bruised like brine against an ice cube,  the vermouth of your ideals is poured into an ill fitting glass.

Left feeling dirty you turn to d...

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it might just be you

i don’t know when

i started thinking of this

can’t put a pin in where it all started 

over a year ago, i’d say

maybe you were a charmer and 

maybe i was easily charmed 

but 

you’ve always had a spot 

with me 

a spot if you ever wanted it

can honestly say i would 

drop everything 

to just try us 

to just try what we could be

not majo...

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I’m not even angry at you

And I never was

Confused, yes

Hurt, yes

Frustrated, yes, but from confusion

I can’t be angry with you

Or at you

But I am angry

I’m angry that I put my best effort

That I tried so hard

I’m angry that this happened again

My best was not good enough

I’m angry that I ignored the signs

Such small flags

Warning me from the beginning

...

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Your Skype signed in again
It’s so tempting to call you
There’s a voice screaming at me to just
Pick up the phone
Just pick up the phone
Against every urge
I’m silent, all except these prose
I must stay silent
Must wait
Wait for what?
For the message, the text, the phone call
Another voice tells me
That will never happen
Selfishly, I want you to miss me
I want to make you miss me
Ma...

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Is there no hope of returning

Homesick

Relative happiness is nice

A ping in my brain

A twinge in my heart

These pulses of ice in my veins

Never want to stop

Every moment distracted

You're there

Crying

Please, please don't cry

Every attempt to want to understand

You help

Another wall is slammed down between us 

Please don't push me away

I can be goo...

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Cast Aside

A woman cries for now she knows

Her love is unconditional

Weeping at the empty kitchen table

One, two, three in the morning

None are awake but her

Right hand reaches out to air

She wails

“There was no choice to make!”

Yet she always knew, in some way

Either too much to handle

Or not enough

But always cast aside

Anger will not manifest

Her l...

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I'm Terrified

I’m scared that this is who I will be from now on

I’m afraid of what I might become

I’m scared that I’ll never have a healthy relationship

I’m afraid of losing everything again

I’m scared that any person who comes close to me will hurt me

I’m afraid of being isolated

I’m scared that I may be better off alone

I’m afraid of these thoughts racing

I’m scared th...

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Home

Keep finding bits and pieces of

Myself strewn across my mind

Only to be blown away again

And what little pieces I have left

Shake and shiver in fear.

Knowing the horizon has better days

I strive onward, searching

There will always be a place

Not a hole, but a safe space

In my heart

For you to rest your head awhile

And know that I will always love you.

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Sometimes I wish I didn't have a heart...it betrayed me one to many times.... I love to deeply. And care too excessively... Then I hurt! And the hurt is like so many hurts I have endured...yet so unlike any... Each time its new...somewhat unique in its anguish...lingering... Stalking me during the day...and as night falls so does my reserve... Proclaimed by the world as a 'strong woman' if only th...

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Conversations heart says to brain
Knock knock
it's H
Let me in
I'm sorry H
I can't open the door
don't want to fall for love anymore
look B
It's different this time
oh yeah
that's what you said the last time
come on B
you gotta learn to open up
not Gonna happen H
if it's the same
then the door stays shut
B how you gonna know
if you don't even try
because H
we gotta learn
we got...

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It all felt like it happened yesterday

When you and I finally stayed away

I love you is an empty word we say

When we have no intention to stay

We never stopped trying

Keeping us from hurting 

More than what is intended

From all the past lies

Beneath our shaking hands and hidden scars

Of broken promises and empty vows

Loaded guns that fires the bullet

To the st...

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I still remember the first time we made love,

It was simple and easy, with your weight above.

I remember expecting pain and feeling none,

I remember biting my lip when we were done.

It was so long ago, half a decade gone by,

But it still keeps me warm when you're not by my side.

Perhaps it's wrong I know I ought to move on,

But how do you stop an oncoming storm.

I still wis...

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Always I think of you,

I don't know why I do.

It opens doors I cannot close,

I feel adrift in the chaos.

Each time I look inside of me,

Searching for something to hold to my heart.

A memory of pain or fight or slight,

So I can say it's good we're apart.

 I find nothing, there is nothing to find

You were good to me, you treated me right.

I'm lost and lonely I now need ...

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Carvings of my heart rot on the floor, what was once as fresh as a flower is now shriveled up and sore, I've always been broken but now I am more than ever before, these words they echo again and again ramblings of a mad man run through my head, cutting off the oxygen of my happiness, alas, if I can break past this, I'll find it again

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Tonight I realized its not up to you to decide me.
Its not my job to initiate conversation,
Its not my requirement to put on more makeup,
You don't get to decide what shirts you think look good on me.

Tonight I realized its not my place to lower myself to you.
I don't have to make sure you're satisfied,
I don't need to stop what I'm doing to answer to you.
There's only one of me, and ther...

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It was that feeling in my gut

When I heard you say the words,

The words that broke my heart and sent my knees to the floor.

I had imagined our lives, together and apart,

But I never could have imagined the hurt you brought on with so few words.

You said it wasn't my fault, no one's fault at all,

You thought that this was best for me,

But that wasn't your call.

I tried so ha...

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The universe, can play some wicked games.
One day you'll meet the one and fall hopelessly in love.
Just for it to rip it away.

The butterflies and all the highs,
will lead to your ultimate demise.
Through the depths of despair
And a valley of lows; 
your world will crash,
All around you.
Your heart will break,
And you soul will crumble.
But time will go on.

You know people say, 
S...

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Sitting on the bathroom floor sobbing

wondering if others

converse with people who are not there

---

To those that have torn their hearts

into tiny pieces

---

the invisible people who were vapor

when their bodies were in the room

---

Irina Dunn coined the phrase

a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle

I repeat that to myself often

---

I wonder how ...

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In the beginning he would wake at every peculiar sound that came from the babies crib 

In the beginning he would bring me a beverage as I fed his son whilst the moon was dimly lit 

In the beginning he would rush home from work eager to see the family he created 

In the beginning we were the people whom he could be himself and escape with 

In the beginning we were enough 

He wou...

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I was young .. A simple statement that is the answer to many questions I am presented with 

Why did you get drunk, and throw up in the hall way? 

Why did you leave school, and truant all day? 

How did you get pregnant, at just seventeen? 

Why did you marry him, given what you had seen? 

Doesn't it feel silly, divorcing already? 

You're only 21, doesn't your life seem so craz...

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