My body isn’t truly part of me.

I see it as an entire separate entity.

An unholy presence that has latched onto me.

Causing me so much pain and despair

Nothing about it is correct.

Every inch of skin has a certain marking or shape that I despise.

I look around to see a crowd of other figures. All perfect. All desired.

But mine. Mine is disgusting.

I don’t even want to look ...

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The concept of beauty has consumed my entire head space.

Not a day goes by were I don't gaze into my reflection until it's deformed.

My mind on a continuous loop of self hatred and self obsession.

Am I pretty or am I delusional?

I seem to want to gain validation more than sanity.

Looking intently into the eyes of those who peer my way to read their mannerisms around my presence.

...

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Guess you could say I feel empty without you

I don’t understand why u get mad when I get sad every time you leave. I guess you could say I’m kind of obsessed with you

I don’t mean to come off like a creepy stalker I just want to be with you always

I feel so lonely every time you leave 

 I feel so abandoned I just wanna cry 

I want to not care

I want to be happy for you

But I c...

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I want to be pretty.

I don’t know what that means

I don’t know if it equates to the amount of free
Drinks I can flirt my way into, how many compliments
I get on my new dress as it swishes in the soft breeze.

I don’t know how many men need to want to touch me,
How many people need to be jealous of me, how many eyes 
Need to be on me.

I don’t know if it refers to the delicate purity ...

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Tell me baby who's on your mind?
Who do you see when your lips are on mine?

Is it the guy you kissed?
Or your friend you miss?
Or somebody that I completely dismissed?
Anyway, I guess I deserve all of this.
I put you through hell when I promised you bliss.

I know i'm getting fat,
And my habits are pretty bad,
I need to trim my nails,
And I'm just always fucking sad.

What a drag.

...

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