I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll  finally feel strong

Today I might ache
But it will not stay
Tomorrow, I'll be okay
And one day, I pray
It'll go forever away

I'll be laughing in the hot sun
When this is all gone
In a year long
This will be my song
I'll finally feel strong

Yesterday was scary
My head tried to hurt ...

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I am so very exhausted
I tried everything,  I really did
Still this darkness looms over me
Making the love and happiness hard to see
Everything is impossible to try to reach
This constant fight drains me like a leach
My limbs are so heavy, I can hardly move
Bouts of energy come far too little, and far too few
So I'm stuck in this position, as if I'm glued
And no this isn't the type of day...

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Up swings
Low swings
Irritable swings
Whenever the bell rings.
Time to change so soon?
Oh thankyou for the gloom
Its not like I needed mental room
I'll just listen to your tune.
Is it time for bed,
Or are you not done yet?
This endless strain of thoughts
Feeling like I'm making a case In front of the courts
Barely awake, but barely conscious?
You'll wish you'd had your bedroom blessed
...

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I am not the fat girl
I am not the skinny girl.

I am both.

I am both the bingeing in the night
And the starving from pure fright.

I am both

In the mirror I am both.

I am the always too thin pile of bones
And the body too big to call home.

I am both.

In the shops I am both.

I am the girl who is too curvy to wear cute clothes
And the girl who's Inability to feel sexy make...

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If you should fall down again
And find yourself needing a friend
I will always be here by your side
Please don't shut yourself in and hide
I will hold your hand through the pain
You will beat these demons again
Together we will pull you out
Of the fountains creating doubt
I will stick with you all the while
Hoping to see you yet again smile
You are never on your own
In my arms you have ...

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Would you believe me

If I told you the truth

Would you stay with me,

Or would you just leave?

Would you still feel 

The way that you do

If you saw me kneel

Before the demons so cruel?

I tried to escape

But it fell right through

It was never fate

What should I do?

I didn't mean to fail 

I did choose you

But the monsters fight

Harder than I'm able to

I...

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Give me a broken mirror.

Hide the blemishes and blotches

That impairs and disfigures.

Give me renewed youth.

Re-circuit my memory

Rewrite the truth.

Give me made up days.

Turn action to fiction

Blow my mind away.

Give me turning tides.

Give me caves and crevices

In which I can hide.

Give me light, give me dark

Give me dressings to hide

...

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We love to have a tidy house
But we really don't like to clean it
If only someone would tidy up
I would have some place to sit
Days pass and nothing changes
Till you feel that nauseous pit
Then you realise the rooms a mess
And it makes you want to quit
As you start to clear up all of it
You think to yourself, "oh shit,"
"How did I ever live like this?"
It's really quite a tip
Time flie...

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I'm running away scared 
But trying to find the light
They hurt me too hard.
Standing here from this height
If I had the courage to do it
I could float among the stars
My chest forming in a pit, I sit.
I'm broken in two halves.

How did I get here?
I truly tried to fight it
Even kept denying it
I can't even hide it

I'm shaking but holding on tight 
The ledge is sturdy but it's high...

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Heart Beat

Listen to the ticking clock
Countdown 
and witness me take another breath.

Listen to the rhythm of
my life
and tell me to turn back to the last channel.

But allow the vibrating bass to
remind you that this  
song is what allows me to feel the tune
that I simply cannot hear with just my ears.

Watch me as I continue to live
with ever-changing favorite songs 
that all ...

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You try to escape the demons

But they latch on way too tight,

Their claws digging into my body

And mind, with all their might.

Fighting is exhausting,

It physically and mentally drains.

But still I endure it, hoping

One day I will finally escape the pain.

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I'm sitting here, trapped, frozen in time

Head imploding, finally losing my mind

Nowhere to run, bound and confined

To the prison within, my unconscious mind.

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I’m losing my mind.

Don’t you understand?

I’m desperately reaching out for your hand.

Don’t leave me hanging, slipping, falling…

down into the endless abyss of darkness,

Never destined to land.

You’ve saved me once before,

But this time there are no safety ropes.

I’m free-falling, plummeting, going down…

My only hope Is for you to save me now.

I’m losing my ...

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Every moment to fear,

Forever holding back internal tears.

Life- so complicated,

forever indecisive.

The world too big, too scary,

my mind so full of queries.

Never certain, never happy,

each decision could be deadly.

An escapes impossible,

every outcomes implausible.

Sinking under water,

Always being taken for a martyr.

The pain runs so deep,

Barely able to ...

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How can I cope with this devil on my shoulder, The heat is on but its making me colder, When I was younger it hoped I’d grow older, Started off small now it’s heavier than a boulder, 

You say I’m fine well I’m sick in the head, You say I‘ll cope well I’m sick of this mess, I don’t know how long I can stick with this stress, If it was my way then I would’ve writ this in red, 

I’m go...

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Singular point of hope

balancing in one dimension

drive the stake deep, swing without reservations

for this is the beginning

doubled

       added vector

sure footing eyes

to the horizon

averted from the abyss below

another point right planar

temptations of rest

loss of balance still precarious

point added placed correctly

a broad base of stability?

po...

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my anxiety is a burden I can no longer carry

bones and muscles this weak were not designed for this 

I was not born for this 

like the ocean, my anxiety washes over me 

soaking each tissue of my being 

forever drowning without being able to come up for air

I am not defined by my mental health

or by the tremurs or leaks that escape from my body 

but often sometimes...

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He made our argument physical again tonight

Every time I think it's the last

Leaving him isn't an option

Plus, where would I go?

My heart can't take the cruel words or pain

Eventually, I'll learn how to cope.

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25/10/11

So unpredictable.

So sharp and so cunning

Is the pain that run through me,

Hideous yet so stunning.

I want to keep it here, 

I want to feel it's cold aching

Blood spilling from me

My heart is still breaking

What if I want it to stop?

Please, leave me alone!

It'll be there. Waiting.

For me to decay down to bones. 

Maybe that's what I wa...

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