Too much time spent on not really knowing what's going on,

Here but wanting to be there,

There but worrying if I care,

Flirting on the peripharies of fitting,

Electricity rises up in my brain where frustration reigns,

Dishonest pockets grow and grow with the weight of days,

Until I am left with a lifeless gaze. 

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Dear stranger, I bet you don’t know you’re a hero.

Dear stranger do you realize you saved me.

Dear stranger, the moment you stopped me and asked “are you okay” is the same moment I no longer wanted to die.

Dear stranger, how did you know I was in so much pain, how did you know I was so lonely. Dear stranger, did you know I was going home to die.

Dear stranger, the look of concern is st...

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When grief consumes completely, 
And tears cease only from exhaustion.
When life has stolen what you love,
And you droop like a flowers wilting deterioration.
Remind yourself, even though you cannot see it,
These wretched feelings are not your jail,
This will not forever be it.

You will again find laughter in life,
The beauty in the world, love and light.
Do not underestimate how hard t...

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The daytime creeps upon me

I see it and walk towards

I have been waiting for her 

But it burns to love

She fades to black

My fury inside

My darkness of soul

I realise the truth

But feel no sorrow

And in the beginning of life

The universe said

You are the night

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I can't do anything 

Even when I try

It is destroyed.

It's my fault I can't fix it

They're relations 

Broken.

Crushed her heart

Crushed his soul.

Miles away I screw 

Things up. 

Not to mention my problems

At home. 

Destroyed

Could it all be worth it

Is it all just an illusion

What's the purpose 

When I only destroy. 

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Was it all real, 

what was said in the night?

Words sound different in the morning. 

But isnt the Romantic the one who knows right? 

He is the one who sees clearly 

that other world moving through us. 

Believe the heights, believe the depths;

it is the banality of the middle ground that lies, 

not the joy of the morning or the pain of the night. 

I must cling to what is ...

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Fracture

Betrayal stabs like a dagger,

Cutting slices of my heart into 10 million scattered pieces,

The open wound lingers eternally,

 Blood clots clump into a swamp of hate and anger,

The horizon does not rebirth the putrid, frozen tissue,

Feelings of filth and deceit seep through every cell of my dying body,

The bond that was once so strong rots into the sewage of what ...

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Threads

Thread:
If only he hadn't had freckles.
Thread:
If only he had been taller.
Thread:
If only he hadn't spoken with a lisp.
Thread:
If only he had liked playing football.
Thread:
If only he hadn't been so shy.
Thread:
If only the teachers had noticed.
Thread:
If only he hadn't worn shorts.
Thread:
If only he had liked pop music.
Thread:
If only he had said something.
Thr...

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All is peaceful and still and then, in the back of my mind

It begins.

It travels like a wave, slipping silent over my head and

Around my heart where it stays and waits.

But for what does it wait and for how long will its

Patience last before it leaves me for good?

In spite of these uncertainties and my fear of its leaving again,

I still welcome its coming.

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Parking his mobile library
A short time before it was due

He provided Jean with a sneak preview
Often giving her extra lending time
Without ever punishing her with a fine

And afterwards 

as she adjusted her hair 
And he adjusted himself 

They placed fallen books 
back onto the shelf

And when his bus groaned and spluttered off
Jean knew that she wasn't his only stop.

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Herringbone

The pallor of the parquet floor
Brings recollections of
School, its classrooms, its corridors

Somehow the pattern pulls
Me into a journey through
Time; conjuring images

Of art and assemblies,
Of laughter and lateness,
Of parents and pupils and plans:

For a future unknown;
For escaping the lessons
And the chill of those changing rooms.

A mishmash of memories,
But...

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A dog died on the streets today
A well bred dog with pedigree
His coat was riddled with fleas and lice 
And his stomach was empty.
He would never bark or snap or crack.
Some would offer him food or treats
And some say he died of sadness and grief
A man died on the streets today 
One less dog to think of 
some were heard to say
On his passing away. 

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My inner voice

More than just an uncomfortable thought

an enemy

a enemy to myself and my peers

self destructing thoughts

relationship crushing voice

jealousy when there should be none

“I love you” but “I hate you”

The voice that tells me to live my life

The voice that tells me to end it

The voice that I can’t escape

The voice that I create

I’m not sure how much ...

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Head In Hands

when I bring my hands

to my face

the heels fit precisely

into the sockets of my eyes…

my thumbs circle my temples

but do not soothe or ease the pain…

each of my fingers press

against the bony ridge of forehead…

kneading, coaxing,

pleading for relief…

the insides of each hand

pinch against the aqualine

contours of my nose...

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Here I am
Sad again
Empty when I should be full
I won't be sitting here, when the blood begins to pool
My body's getting colder now
I'm tipping over the stool
In this moment I'm not shy
Suppose it's time to say goodbye
Hope to see you in another life
Weathered friend of mine

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It cuts deep within,
Its' touch gentle and soft.
It barks and howls,
Its' voice lovely and calm.

Its' thoughts are demeaning,
Its' love unconditional.
Its' presence a weight,
Pride churned in the ridicule.

It beats you to your knees,
But your kneecaps don't agree. 
You stand on your feet,
While the blades stab in deep.

The scars show malformity,
Yet the face shows ever delight.
...

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"Dearly Beloved
We are gathered here today
2 get through this thing called life"

PRINCE

Dearly beloved
We are gathered here today
To say goodbye to Prince

Shirley Smothers

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Why is my heart indigo?

What could have been became what could have been

All else failed and crimson became me

Was not acquainted with lost before I meet you.

Could not imagine this disdain that inhabits me before I lost you

Felt your warmth from her warmth

Kissed your cheeks through her skin

You gave me life then lost yours living me at indigo

Living me at this cold empty ...

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Is the moon blue?

It turns its pale face to us;

Who knows whom its thoughts turn to.

It cannot cry, but only sigh in dust,

With no light of its own. Gasps thinly,

Too insubstantial for decay or rust.

Does it have unspoken sorrow of its own?

So it can only appear at night

And sometimes disappear, all alone,

And find solace in the dark unknown.

The sun burns away its ra...

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black lines under her eyes

tear stained pillow by the end of the night

and the smell of his cologne

lingering in the air for only a fraction of a second longer

she waits 

painfully

for the day that she can let go and run

out of the dark mass some call heartbreak

when she can faithfully proclaim

that she will start the next day

and end it with a dry pillow in sight

...

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Sickly branches spread out from the bodies of comatose trees,
And her feet fall on leaves that have died,
Paper-thin corpses at one with the ground frost,
With each step she feels that she might,
Fall through the earth and plummet for years,
Leaving Welsh winters behind,

Crystalline grass blades stand neatly under silver pink skies,
She follows where the gravelled path snakes,
Her concer...

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