Snack Bear

Hello snack bear

You big murder floof 

Stealing treats from your local gas station

The poor convenience store attendant let's you take what you want cause he'd rather live another day

Sadly poor furry friend animal control will come to exterminate you

You just wanted salty or sugary delight that we humans like

Maybe you thought, hmm I'd like to try that too, I ...

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Albert got his big truck stuck

on top of the hump-back bridge.

The cop-on-a-bike come by

and he give him a ticket.

The old man who leans on the wall

and smukes his pipe all day

said what wus wrong

well the truck ‘us too long

and the bridge ‘us too steep.

Potter Heigham Bridge had a hump;

‘at was as humped as a cow’s rump

and though there wus a sign

‘at wus...

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Why do key holes have no keys

Why do fairies have no tales

Can I dial the numbers please

Which is best, boys or girls

What’s a mystery?

If I had another Mum

Would I be another child

If I had another Dad

Where would my old daddy be

What’s a mystery?

Where do grown ups put the child

That they say that they used to be

Where did my Mummy find my Dad

In ...

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Apologies, in advance, for the rude words !

Folk who pee in public places (treating them as ‘loos’).

‘Concert-girls’, on partners’ shoulders, blocking others’ views.

Kids that kick your airplane seat whilst parents just ignore.

Gits who queue-jump at the bar -‘though you were there before.

Those who walk straight past you, without thanks .... or smiles.... or nods.

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”You can’t put old heads on young shoulders!”, they say. 

But I think that I may have ‘come-up’ with a way, 

involving some sawing - and stitching - and glue 

(and a bit of a ‘heads-up’, in just what to do!).  

But, if I decided to give it a ‘bash’, 

that would leave a spare head and a body (to stash)! 

Which seems such a waste of a woman or man.

So, now I’ve develop...

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So, now those ‘Man-Size’ tissues

are named ‘Extra-Large’ instead. 

It’s another “sexist” issue 

that is messing with me ‘ead!  

It seems, the major problem 

is all centred around ‘Man’. 

Folk find this word offensive 

but I’m ‘flummoxed’ if I can !

I’m fearing for the future 

if this nonsense carries on. 

‘Cos they’ll ban the ‘Man’ from everything

 in fav...

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My mother’s mother, Granny Brown

was ‘muchly-loved’ (once) in our town. 

The care she gave; her happy ways. 

She cheered us, in her ‘ember days’. 

She liked to knit, but not to sell.  

Such quality, (oh, you could tell!). 

Each item, thoroughly bespoke 

- for gifting to specific folk.  

“Gran, that’s great !” I’d often shout.  

“You knit them, then you han...

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I met this gorgeous woman for some ‘afternoon-delight’.

When we ventured back to her place (well and truly ‘outta-sight’!).

We scurried up the stairs and very soon were ‘in flagrante’.

My clothes were off as she approached, in just her bra and panties.

We intertwined, to ‘moan and grind’, intent on pure ‘amour’

But soon were interrupted by the thumping of a door.

My lov...

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When, first I began on the ‘poetry’ scene,

my brain wasn’t ready. Let’s say “a bit ‘green’”?

A “bull-at-a-gate” (if you know what I mean)

and ended up racing - a little too keen !

There’s a challenging issue in having Verse, rhyme.

Writing ‘couplets’ that match, yet make sense every time.

Which, sometimes presents a ‘huge mountain to climb’

(if you seek to avoid the ‘mund...

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THE AUSSIE POMM.

Now, as you all know ladies. When a new mans in your life.
You groom your airs and graces to portray the perfect wife.
We are all so very concious of the things you musnt show.
Be discreet and feminine,  that's all he needs to know.
Now I know that all you ladies have to have all things just right. 
Especially on your wedding day and more so WEDDING NIGHT.
Well, it just s...

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Size Matters!

Jack and Jill were getting wed.

(Jack’s dad thought, Jill was nice).

“But, let me give you, Son,” he said

“some fatherly advice.

On the day, I wed yer mam

I nipped ‘er straight indoors.

And, being ‘t sort of bloke I am

I soon laid down the laws.

I boldly took mi trousers off

and told ‘er, ‘put ‘em on.’

She drowned within a sea of cloth

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A 'Valued' Friend!

Frank, tonight, is working late.

The doorbell rings; it’s Frankie’s mate.

“Liz, you need to know”, smiles Ken.

“Frank won’t be home ‘til half-past ten.

I said, I’d drop in, as I pass,

to tell you of his news, alas.”

“It’s nice of you to think of me.”

Beams Lizzy, “Would you like some tea?”

And so they share a brew and chat;

some thoug...

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The Trouble With Nuts!

The trouble with nuts is, they’re very elusive.

But, don’t take my word as completely conclusive.

It’s just that, it seems, though, whenever they're freed

they scatter and hide - which is not what you need!

Consider the case of a doctor, I knew.

Took his car for a spin ( and to ‘pose’ in it, too).

A well-mannered man - but you wouldn’t think th...

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I Potted A Long Red

​

I potted a long red and gave out a scream,

as it was the best shot that I'd ever seen.

Still needing 8 snookers, I thought this could mean

the start of a comeback. The best that there's been!

I needed to focus and not start to dream,

as my best ever break was only sixteen!

I potted the black and gave out a scream

as I'd aimed for the green in the wo...

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Fancy That!

'Sue fancies Bill.
Bill fancies Tim.
Tim fancies Jane.
Jane fancies Jim.

Jim fancies Kate.
Kate fancies Anne.
Anne fancies Pete,
and Pete fancies Sam.

Sam fancies Rob,
but who fancies you?'
'Mum, I don't care,
while I'm having a poo!'

Would you like the chance to win a £10 Amazon Gift Voucher?If so, then enter an original short funny poem of 12 lines or less by mid...

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