You had asked me once if I believed you to be equal to me

I told you yes - It wasn’t a lie

I believed you equal in every way

But only now do I realize, both, lie and truth in my answer

In that time of my life we were equal

But, as of now, we are not

You are not equal to this new me - the true me

One that is not starved and decomposing

No longer...

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My bed is still warm

When the next body rolls in

But I'm not

I'm numb

Until,

Your body

- Or his -

- Or hers -

Envelopes mine

And I can breathe

Because

I am consumed

I am part of you,

Of someone that lives

That moves

That loves

I am

I was

I will be

Because I'm not apart

Just a part

Of something

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If I knew your poetry would suddenly 
disappear, 
I would have memorized 
every poem,
to comfort me
when I feel alone. 
Your words help heal 
my savaged soul.
I'm sad you had to go.

# # #

https://youtu.be/OeP4FFr88SQ

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"Find yourself"

You can misplace your mind

But

You can't forfeit your mind

When you've built a fort for your mind

Mine is bulletproof,

Double-glazed,

Soundproof,

In here

I can stay outside of myself

I can step outside of the world

Oops

Yesterday,

I watched us having a conversation

From my window panes

Through the heavy glaze

It made me feel some type...

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Today has been a better day 

I wasn’t a mardy bitch 

I didn’t cry when something went wrong 

I ate food without nausea or gagging or that awful washing machine feeling in my tummy 

Today was an easier day 

I could talk without the lump in my throat strangling me 

I walked through university enjoying each rain drop falling onto my cheeks

or dripping through my ey...

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Don’t give in to the madness.

Save it for another day, 

long after you’ve left this life 

that’s full of opportunities.

Life is like the weather.

All you have to do is wait

for the rain to go away, 

the storm to pass,

and enjoy the sunshine

in between. 

###

https://youtu.be/icEHA2DGFCk

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If I wanted this poem to be more intimate,
I would address the reader directly, and
invite the reader into my inner world.

I would use second-person pronouns and
share the deeper and darker aspects of
my personality. I would regale the reader
with stories of elation and spiritual fulfillment
along with brutally honest accounts of
self-doubt, anxiety, fear, and loathing.

I might make i...

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The sun sighted as a Galilean dream

As vision faded from the grasp of Winter

A kid leaned out of the window

Whispering out what he needed to say

But in needing to blurt it out

His mind submerged in uncertainty 

Choked between a tearless cry

And a cheerless laugh

As with notated thoughts all about

His room was littered

And the sidelined life he adopted

Was cast to t...

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Speaking can feel like your swallowing

So, you may as well swallow instead

Or it’s giving,

Giving and giving

Fingers down your throat,

Retching

Searching for…

Will I be stronger tomorrow?

Or just hollow tomorrow?

So, you end up filling up on someone else’s dictionary

I am disarmed without my language

But my language is disarming

Words do break your bones

Voca...

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pretty enough but the story's too long. Everyone has a place but I feel like I don't belong. The people always stare, the people always talk. But in my shoes, I know they could never walk. Sauntering around trying to keep my head high but on the inside, it hurts I cannot lie. Try not to show it, try not to get mad. If you were me for a day you'd see why I'm so sad. You'd see the pain, past, and th...

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I have a beast within my head
He hews my heart I wish him dead
He turns my passions into pain
A mocking echo of loves refrain
He defiles my tender dreams
Turning whispers into screams
I fear to enter filled with dread
I have a beast within my head

I have a cold and lonely heart
T’was warm once till he did start
My passion leaked through every pore
Through rents inflicted by his wick...

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It’s easy to give in to being depressed
To savour life’s taste and yet feel second best
To challenge yourself to win the prize
Only to find that it’s empty, worthless and composed of lies.
What’s the use of trying hard?
When others don’t and can still reach behind your guard
To juggle the balls and keep them in place
To use every bit of effort and find you weren’t even entered in the race.
...

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Capricorn

I am a battering ram

Undulating forward with a willful lack of grace

Constantly pushing, pulsing

Headlong into an uncertain oblivion

Destroying myself

Taking pleasure in the pain

The anxiety

Destroying what once was beautiful

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Feeling down
because my muse
abandoned me again.
Maybe to teach me
another lesson
about leaning on him,
instead of mining inspiration
from deep within.
Seeking satisfaction
outside ourselves
is perhaps the greatest sin.
It is a game no one wins.
So, back to the blank page I go.
Just me and my pen.

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Feeling good
Running around
Catch up on
What’s run into the ground.

So much to do
So far behind
Laundry, yard work
Constantly on the grind.

But fear comes
Banging on my door
Is this real,
Will I plummet to the floor?

Exhausted already
Pushing too hard?
Will I be ok,
Can I let down my guard?

Or is this already
The end of my rope?
I thought I’d healed
And could hold onto h...

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Melancholy

When I am hit by the whip of melancholy
It makes me forget how to be jolly
It brings on great impatience and agitation
With anxiety and huge frustration.

Often it can really get too much,
And on my sanity I strive to clutch.
Sometimes I might even find it hard to think,
And from thought to thought I cannot link.

I cannot get my mind in gear,
And all around me I may not s...

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To expunge them from my mind

That's the only thing I wish I could do for myself that I feel utterly incapable of doing

I'm at war with my thoughts and memories

Old wounds echoing in the present

Ripping my heart as fresh as it tore years ago

A different face, a different name

An altogether different entity and demeanor

But I can hear the words from your mouth as if he's spoken ...

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Therapy’s been fine but it’s not fixing my problems.


Each week talking about something new, but we never actually solve them.

Mr. Joyce tells me I need to let my emotions pass through me.


But my emotions make me who I am, so I know I need to disagree.

My identity has always been important and, honestly, I identify as depressed.

That as well as anxious, lost, and always stress...

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I’m not a pyromaniac, but my emotions are like a fire.
Not dealing with past trauma because I don’t have what that would require.
So when I find myself alone and fighting the darkness in my head,
I end up saying so many things I wish were never said.

And as I look around at all the bridges that I’ve burned,
I know that by now, I really should have learned.
And as the smoke clears and my la...

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A perfectly edited

Existence

Resists the truth

Of reality

All that's

Been shown

In this 

Instance

Is exactly

What they

Want you

To see

As you

Scroll these

Sensational scenes

And the

Clutches of

Envy

Dig deep

Remember it's

Not all

As it

Seems

You don't

Know what

Sorrow

They keep

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Where’s me head? [Where is my head?]

Where’s me head? … It’s in the sand

Its life has gotten out of hand

Things very rarely go as planned

If I do or I don’t, I end up damned

Where’s me head? … It’s way out west

It’s tired of people who know best

It needs a break, it needs a rest

It needs to get shit off its chest

Where’s me head? … It’s lost the plot

It...

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Depression is the loneliest place.

It is full of awful and terrible frustration.

We hate everything (ourselves as well)

And gone is each idea and sensation.

Depression is being trapped in a dark cave,

And only outside exists light.

All black is everywhere we turn

And there seems no end to it in sight.

Depression is to have a body of lead

That we must carry wher...

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Aspirations...Where we are and where we want to be?

My aspirations have always focused on being a world-renowned, bestselling author, however, i have found great value in fact, total gratification in knowing my pieces help people whether i get paid or not.

Where i come from...where i am...and where i want to be is a constant and ongoing journey.

I have come very far from the young girl wh...

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I can't move or

that itchy buzzing

will stirr;

alarms sounding:

I'm faster,

than a corpse.

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I'm dedicated. Not addicted. I'm in control. It's my desicion. I say what And I say where. And if you ask jus rig;;

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pull out thre trigger u know how it go 

call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4

when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody

release all my problems when I drink this bottle 

still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model 

nobody know about all of my problems 

call up tequila u know she gon solve it 

I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody 

I try to reach out but they always dec...

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White noise is the cloak my mind wears

to protect me from its darkness.

I'm always elsewhere,

In a place of emptiness.

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I’m wrapped in cling film I’m sure of it:

(unlike sensation)

paralysed and mute, I feel it;

the temptation

to

rot.

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I’ll be sanded away from the inside out,

hollowed, seared, and crushed.

I can only relieve the heaviness

and only by breaking the glass.

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My wings are brown, not black and shiny.
I'm always peeping out through leaves.
I try and keep above the fear trilling below,
I know they are ingesting bitter roots.
And yet I swallow their song all the same.
The empty smoke of hope that arises,
as I am the Blackbird mother sitting,
gathering material and protecting you,
refined in pointless expectation.
I am a gust of failure that ruins,
...

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The numb thump of my heart beating against my rib cadge, 

Unknown pain of sadness always giving me rage.

Desperately grasping at the last memories that I had with you,

Tears roll down my face when I find thats an issue.

The blood in my veins is so hard to contain, 

The thoughts of death flood through to my brain.

Hard to fight past the devil inside of me, 

I promise my na...

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it hurt so much

to breathe, to think, to laugh

to smile, to worry

to feel

it’s almost like you’ve taken out

all the good parts, the sad parts

leaving me incredibly bare and numb.

i feel restless, raw

open and exposed.

like i have no barriers, no protection

just sitting there with weeping wounds

and a broken heart

brittle as my nails

wrecked and sharply cut

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I don't paint or write anymore 
I don't even read
Where am I?
Where did I go?
It is dark here; 
Save me
Bring me back to the surface
Read the letter addresses by me..
To my self
So I write back
It's been a while 
I don't even remember what it was like;
What it was like to not just see color 
But to feel it 
I can't remember what it's like to feel the words flow out of me 
I don't ev...

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A single blue dot on a canvas
That no one can understand
Over looked and unappreciated
So quit yet so loud 
A story waiting to be told 
But no one cares to ask 
Every canvas tells a story
This one is called depression

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Building brick walls

to climb

and pretend to fall

cutting short a lifetime

Bricks I haul

covered in grime

pushing back the urge to bawl

at the memories of war crimes.

I smile at passerbys

and give an enuthastic wave

pretending to not be shattered by

the man who dug my grave.

I'd rather see

the expected conclave

between myself and the galaxy

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Poetry understands
walking dead,
monsters under the bed,
voices in your head.

Poetry understands
wounded souls,
storms, walls, 
severed rainbows.

Poetry understands
broken hearts,
rainy days, lonely nights,
moon light.

Poetry understands
star-crossed love,
hopeless romances,
second chances.

Poetry understands
twin flames
guilt, shame,
the blame game.

Poetry understand...

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The first time I saw you, your mouth held no words.
I would take you out and watch you marvel at the birds.

Your awkward waddle would bring me smiles.
There was peace in my life holding you as we walked for miles.

The screaming, the crying, the testing,
The laughing, the hugging, the learning.

As I helped you grow, and loved every moment.
Even the ones that involved your excrement.

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Mortality stalks me 
like a jealous lover.

Breathlessly follows me
wherever I go, incessantly
banging a gong, 

chanting, 

it won't be long, 
come to me, let 
the pain end.

My eternal soul sees
this game of mortal gods 

and challenges me

to go where mortals
fear to tread...

Meditate in silent space
past the black hole,

beyond illness,
depression, despair

to that ...

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No, it’s true, April does not

Arrive as a grim reaper

Coming to take souls

Off to underground rivers

In the waste land

Or anything like that.

On first glance, April

Is a reprieve, new life

Is in abundance, and

We step out and look up

For the first time in awhile.

Now we can rouse ourselves.

Lift ourselves from bed

And go out into the world.

Daffodils,...

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Adut Akech, Depression and Mental Heath

Adut Akech Adelaide model

Is the biggest fashion superstar in the world

She just turned 19 here at Christmas

And waiting for her world to unfurl

Despite the famous smile she displays

Underneath she's in pain with depression

Like Robin Williams who suicided

Let's talk mental health, learn some lessons

She'd wake up ea...

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Dr. Love (or How I Learned to Stop Wallowing and Write Poetry)

By: Rodolfo Perez

Love is (sometimes) patient,

Love is (sometimes) kind,

And sometimes, love is a needle in the eye,

Or a kick to the groin.

It is a cliff-hanger,

With your mother waiting to catch you,

When you let go.

It is losing your voice,

From crying into your pillow.

It is real...

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Eyes don't bring sleep and comfort.. 
Nights are long and engulfing as an avalanche 
Days devoid of fervor, just drifting from one to another.. 
Mind plays pain and sorrowful notes in a never ending track.. 
Unrelenting tears brings no solace but just a barren, blank state.. 
Strong urge to let go surfaces like a gust of waves
Not a flicker of hope to keep the spirit alive
Dreary dull momen...

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Drowning in depression

That is not mine

Abysmal delirium

To fill up the time

Stranded and pivotal

Unsure where to tread

The weight of calamity

Fills me with dread

Waking or sleeping

It bruises my soul

Ebbing and swelling

The years taking their toll

Erasing the passion

The drive the desire

Erasing the passion

That fuels the fire

Silent and forceful

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Just when it looks like

I'm making progress,

  I fumble

an hour and             start to         sp  lit 

                                                   (just like that)

and the other                                half

turns pretty                                      ugly

very fast. 

Then it's me vs.                          me

all weekend.

      ...

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Too many people suffering in isolation, lets start a conversation.

Monday …

day one of the slide …

and I’ve managed to quell the dark things inside.

I take a deep breath, supress the sigh …

push out my chest and hold my head high

The flex and the dark things are tidied away

A quick self-esteem pep-talk, then face the new day

It’s by no means plain sailing but I cope, strugg...

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My older sister, several other girls

met on the concrete square in our backyard

to test the sheet of ice that wouldn't melt

in rare moments of a "real" winter

in a New Orleans suburb. In 1994, 

they were only in junior high

but seemed so grown up when I was five

and watched how easy it was for them to teach

me how to slide over the slipperiness

i...

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Her skin can open up like a mouth

It can speak

When it parts

It can extend like a tongue

It can taste

Your arteries are seams

Try to unpeel them

Slip off your flesh

Undress

Search your pores

For secret trap doors

Let the inside out

Part it like a mouth

Like hers

It can speak

Unfold the red carpets

Of rolled and folded tongue

Let it searc...

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I attempted suicide,

But I didn't die,

Not losing my life,

But what it means to be alive.

I'm drained of all motivation to continue,

But also of all strength to follow through,

I shouldn't be here,

It hurts, but it's true.

My days feel so long,

My existence feels so wrong,

I can't look at life the same,

Because I simply don't belong.

I can't be happy,

Or even...

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Pins and needles,
Trickling down my spine,
These thoughts that I have,
Are always on my mind,
In a dark room,
The walls are closing in,
Feeling all alone,
In a world full of sin,
These demons play games,
They fuck with my head,
They tell me to get high,
I Just pray instead,
Life and death,
Isn't what I fear,
Its the thoughts of my loved ones,
That bring me to tears,
Pain and misery...

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There you are beaming 
at everyone you meet
posting highlights,
keeping it together. 

But, I see your soul scars...
loneliness, heartbreak,
disappointment, addiction,
depression, despair...

It's enough to turn
most souls to dust.

But not us.

Diamonds are made from 
coal under pressure.

Show your scars,
keep the faith,
and shine on.

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