(with apologies to Michael Jackson)

They told him Christmas time is getting so near

Don't want to go shopping you'd better look right here

The goods are there and the instructions are clear

So click it, just click it

You better order stuff whenever you can

The Trafford Centre is one big traffic jam

Just sit back, wait for the delivery van

So click it - cos you nee...

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They say the playing fields of Eton

Have given this nation so very much:

This current set of mental inbreeds

Who’ve lost the common touch?

They’ve taxed our beer, cigs and patties,

Expect us all to work some years longer

All in the cause and the name of making

Both us and the nation that much stronger.

They’re the one nation Tories;

Sa...

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A slide show of Walmart customers triggered  this acrostic

So many people walk through the store
Every one of them unique, wanting more
Excess love of gadgets and household gear
So much in their trolleys they can hardly steer
And we see their pictures on You Tube these days
Wall flowers they are not, but on Walmarters craze

When they reach the check outs they look all a...

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( A praise poem - of sorts) 

I'll not forget the day we met

on the Piccadilly line

the memory lies grafted

embedded in my mind

I'd been working late at the office

commuting home alone

when you approached me with your mobile

and by that I don't mean phone

And I'd like to say you were beautiful

but in truth it was a shock

I never looked up f...

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Pepped up with pills and various potions

Zimmer frame ready to help forward motion

Wired for sound and to aid dicky ticker

Capsules to slow it - or make it go quicker

Now where's my bifocals to help me to see

- and all this just so I can go for a wee.

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We visited a rainbow

at school the other day.

Every colour said hello

except for gloomy grey.

We visited a rainbow,

and used its arch to slide,

then when it started raining,

we used the arch to hide.

We visited a rainbow,

but never saw its gold.

Our teacher said it’s locked away,

but we think it’s been sold.

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CITIZEN’S LAMENT

Oh to be in prison now that April’s here.

The council tax is rising

And they’ve upped the price of beer!

The kids want pocket money

The wife wants – well, don’t ask!

When all I want’s a simple fag

And ale straight from the cask.

Oh to be in prison now that April’s gone.

There’s nowt good on the telly

And they’ve built a bigger...

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I’ll make you laugh I’ll make you smile

I’ll use my charm I’ll use my style

I’ll give you drinks I’ll get you drunk

you’ll look at me and see a hunk.

We’ll have a meal we’ll have a dance

we’ll dim the light for ambience.

I’ll kiss your lips I’ll kiss your neck

you’ll say to me, “Oh what the heck”.

Forget your worries and your cares

as I race...

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No matter who,

No matter where,

No matter when,

It only matters why and what for.

***

Yesterday was early,

Tomorrow will be late,

Today I have no time.

***

You can’t train in a gym?

 You want to look young and slim?

Stay close to the old ones and fat.

There are many ways to skin a cat.

***

Sometimes I think:

Her...

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