You pushed me away,
And now I am going to live my own life
Right under your nose.
And I hope that you notice every smile
That someone else makes me laugh.
I am going to be free of your demons.
I am going to laugh every time I see you,
And be so pleased that I
Saw the worst bits before we were married,
Like once you said we would be.
Remember that?
Oh my poor poor Mr Misunderstood.

Yo...

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Misplaced.
The love that lost itself.
That fell for the glitter in his swimming pool eyes,
And pounded breathless down the path of no returns.
That getting none, despised itself.
The love that ran that route as if all terrors trailed,
So fast it ran.
Small wonder that it stumbled,
Running blind.
On and on, till the very running ached.
Or that it didn't last,
The glorious sprint which st...

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Staring at my ever retreating horizons.
Watching, as the colours fade back into grey.
Can I pack my bag any better,
Now that I know where I'm going?
Am I any more likely to succeed,
For being older, and more tired.

Another day fades into dusk's waiting shades.
Should I mourn the death of another dream?
Another weary child finds sleep has no answer,
To the merciless sneaking and creeping...

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The only thing I knew was pain,
And you showed me what love was.
All I had experienced was crude desire,
And you wanted me like no-one else
Ever had.
I'd burnt my faith,
And then the ashes of my faith, away.
And still it felt safe to believe you.
Any sadness I had,
I know was only brought with me.
It was my only possession, still,
You convinced me to throw it away.
How did those arms, ...

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Wistful fingers
Tickle the dark hairs
Below the shirt sleeve.
Brush the unknown.
Pondering so much, in one small movement.

Emboldened,
They roam the contours
Of your flesh;
Wondering,
Enjoying.

You signify permission
With your stillness, but
I cannot forget.

It cannot be brushed away so simply
I am not allowed
Even with your assent,
To pretend.

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Let me hold, once more
That special place.
Can't I one more time curl within your embrace?
Or how shall I comprehend
Your emotions,
Suddenly so different from my own?

Suddeness? What suddeness is this,
That many months existed?
Disbelief? What disbelief can live
Inside this certain knowledge?
Enough?
Or shall I let false words
Echo around my mind another moment?

Give me back that ...

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All those things love didn't care about
Are much more relevant when,
Tossed back, 
No longer wanted,
Life makes you decide again
Whether to go on believing.

The flaws
That didn't spoil the diamond on the ring,
May add up worth considering,
When,
Fallen out,
You have the chance to fit a different gem.

All the problems love didn't care about
May make it not worth the fight,
When lo...

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How do you know when someone's nice?
I mean how do you know that they really like you?
Can you be sure from what they are saying
That it's not just a role in a game they are playing?
I mean, can you have faith that they aren't just displaying
False affection?

How do you know when someone's right?
I mean how do you know that there's no-one nicer?
There's surely a chance that you could be ...

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All these people are walking into my heart.
Sidling up casually,
Loitering inconspicuously,
No wonder no-one notices.
All these people are falling into my heart.
Not watching where they are going,
Momentarily distracted,
No-one notices.
Tall ones, small ones.
Old ones, young ones.
It's a great big party going on,
Still no-one notices.
All these people arriving in my heart.
All these...

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Where now you keep your things
Shall all be empty.
Where cleared for you, a space,
Shall be an eerie gap
In all our lives, when you move on.

The essence of your favourite spray
Shall linger, strong;
A poignant reminder of where you used to sleep.
The sadness and the gladness are as one;
Knowing that you'll leave here to be free.

And so it is with all the memories;
Each individual, t...

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We didn't know it was all in our mind.
We didn't know we were being unkind to ourselves.
How we let ourselves get bad.
We didn't know that we were cruel
To ourselves.

Why couldn't we forgive our own mistakes,
Like we did the ones that others made?
We never practiced self-defence,
Unless it was to wrap us round in chains.
Why couldn't we be good
To ourselves?

We didn't mean to hurt...

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I can think some portions of the image,
But the words don't exist,
This fear that can't be said.

Strange,
How the thought can freeze the body,
And not the body the thought.
And any communication describes nothing.

I can say some things that I think,
But others make me mute.
This barrier in my head,
Even I can't cross.

It is like painting a face a single shade of pink.
Like drawin...

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Why do I feel like crying
When his arms would rush to comfort me?
When his heart beats alone for me,
Still, 
Despite his love,
Alone against myself.
If he surrounds me,
I am still caged within myself.
Then he catches my mind's gaze,
Says "Look, There is beauty."
And all is still again.
And all is peace again.
The lulled hush of the midnight heavens,
And the beauty of a star,
Takes me...

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Thank you to all those who have stayed interested in the love's tempest poetry I am currently posting.
We jump forward in time a little bit, 8 or 9 months or thereabouts, and have some new themes coming up;
self-love, compassion, safety from the storm, and star crossed love
but they don't need deep introductions.

The next poem in love's tempest is, as the blog title suggests:

       ...

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You lock me in a room with no weapons
                                  To fight the waiting lion.
I'd built a hasty tower of chairs
To reach the window,

You could have pulled me out
But you pushed me back
                                        Saying,
                 "Find a ladder to reach this window."

And you wondered why I was clinging.

Then you pulled the chairs out
  and s...

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Just because I've learnt to swim underwater,
Doesn't mean I can live without breathing.
Just because I can walk on the surface,
Doesn't mean I can't slip and start sinking.

If I don't look in the mirror,
Doesn't mean my face has changed.
If I start at the beginning,
Still I have to reach the end.

Just because there is a meaning
Doesn't mean I understand (or know it).
Just because the...

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Are you sleeping in my bed, tonight?
I know you're with my friends,
But that's alright.

There's a message I would send
If I could find you.
But you're more than lost to me,
You're hiding.

Are you curious about my life?
I know it's very late,
And you are tired.

There's something you should know
If you wanted.
But you're probably too far out
To hear me.

Are you angry, about how...

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I was better off feeling dead
Than feeling alive.
I was better off feeling low
Than on this false height.

I was better afraid of the dark
Than afraid to open my eyes.
I was better afraid of cutting myself
Than scared to survive.

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There was this precious vase that was my life.
 It was a thing of beauty on a sacred shelf.
 It had a purity and sense of truth.
 It was a vessel of my love.

But now, I gaze at fragments strewn across my hearth.
How strange, since I can feel there's something else.
Yet, when I look down, I recognise that someone smashed it.
It must have slipped when I was cleaning.

I am sitting in the ...

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It is a cloak that I sit on, covering the ground.
A cloak that no-one else can step on,
And it seems to span for miles like that.
Except that from the way I see it;
It ends a bare few inches away,
And it is sown rags,
And the torn edges are the end of my reality.
When I get lonely,
I cannot even pull it up to warm me
Because I am sitting in the middle.
Elsewhere, the ground seems real ...

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We don't think you ought to do that.
               "Tell me what to do!"
We don't think you should feel like that.
               "Tell me what to feel!"
You should know that there's always a way forward.
               "Show me where to go!"
You should be stronger than that.
               "Show me how."

We've decided you can cope if you try.
               "You don't know what it's l...

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Sometimes, there are more thoughts
 Than words to speak them.
Sometimes there is more will to live,
 Than to go on breathing.
These arms are almost too heavy to type.
Too heavy to move.
I don't know how to break out,
And I don't see _why_ I should break out.

It is cloudy, but I can just see people looking in;
And I can see those that gave up looking in.
And those that don't know how to...

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I am a sleepless night.
I am a taut balloon.
I am a punctured tyre.
I am a violin.
I am a broken cup.
I am an endless maze.
I am a lonely child.
And I am giving up.

There's a way to live.
There's a way to laugh.
There's a way to breathe.
There's a way to last.
There's a way to die.
There's a way to win.
There's a way to try.
There must be a way to give in.

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If I am a monument;
I am out in all weathers.
They made me marble
                  So I would be cold in the sun,
                  Warm in the rain.
They made me on a pedestal
Because in their wisdom,
They knew it would be further to fall.
                  I am somewhere that no-one passes,
                  Because I am forgotten.
                  I am alone amongst pidgeons,
     ...

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No-one's happy with their life.
Someone, somewhere, was telling you stories.
No-one's happy.
If you are lucky, you'll do alright.
If you are lucky.

There's a way to be.
There's a way to cope.
Where's the God that's supposed to help us?
Where's the love that's meant to guide us?
Where's the hope?

No-one's meant to have it easy.
Someone, somewhere, must have been crazy!
Nothing's eas...

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And all the world is wondering what started it.
In the playground, they want to know whose fault it was.
Life goes on, and life goes on,
And don't you know it's fated?

And all the world wants to know who ended it.
In the theatre, they wonder what it 'felt' like.
Time goes on, and time goes on,
Don't you know that it's decided?

Life is hoping that you make it.
The time you spend, teari...

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Everything goes round the same, my friend;
Turn any which way, but when you think you have passed it,
It's on the horizon again.

              I can't tell you what you want to hear.
              Or shall I pretend that it's all
              As you'd like it to be.
                           You take a deep breath, thinking everything's clear,
                           But it only take...

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I just need someone to massage my mind.
Oh, but these neurons are aching.
I just need someone to drag me up out of this life
Where I am dying.

I just need a hand while I find my feet,
But one that won't hurt me.
I just need a body to hold in the night,
But one that won't scare me.

I just need someone to cradle my thoughts,
Keep Baby from crying.
I just need someone to show me that th...

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And time goes on, my friend,
Your wounds that never heal,
Will grow an ugly face,
Your troubles never end.
And life goes on and on...
Your dreams that never came,
Will haunt you as you wake,
Your broken heart won't mend.

And I say
                howl at the wind.
                run with the river.
                drift with the clouds.
                burn with the fever.
        ...

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1    Yes, I ran away!
      It was so close to killing me.
      I couldn't take the pain,
      But you think I should have let it end me.

CHORUS 
               What kind of justice
                                 is without trial?
               What kind of friend
                                 fights on the other side?
               What kind of life?

2    And I couldn't...

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My mind is screaming for this pain to stop.
You say I am cold, but I am burning up
Inside.
There is so much noise I'm surprised you can't hear.
It is creeping through my skin.
Dripping, with the sweat, from my hair.

How can I think of anything else?
The mind reels to this deafening pulse.
And I am near to breaking.
Thinking of taking the quickest way out,
And then you say I should stop...

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Life is wearing me down, yeah
But you know that.
Life is fooling me around.
But what of that, yeah, what of that?

Didn't anyone say I was special.
No-one said life was gonna be fun.
               Guess sometimes you just make assumptions.
               Guess sometimes you just get it wrong.

Life is passing me by, now
But you know that.
Life is wondering why.
But what of that, now,...

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I'm not going to tell you that I'm breaking apart.
I'm not going to show you where you've broken my heart.

Why am I always being risked by other people?
Shot down in flames from a safe distance.

I'm not going to let you back to work from inside.
I'm not going to be there, when you realise why.

I'm not going to see you when I see you around.
I'm not going to hear your sounds.

Why is...

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Maybe, the tallest tree holds the sky up
Like a tent above our heads.
Maybe the wide branches shelter us,
As we hide against its sides.
Maybe, the near eternal trunk supports us
As we innocents rest.
And the sunlight is more beautiful,
Streaming through its leafy hair.

I could be lifted high, and safely in its arms,
And wonder at the beauty of the world
As it swayed.
There, would be p...

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     Everything is going wrong.
     Or everything went so wrong
     I can't tell
     If it stopped and I didn't notice,
     And I can't tell
     The problem.

Everything is just nothing now.
Or everything was so much nothing,
I can't see
That there's any difference now,
And I can't see
Solutions.

               Everything is tumbling down,
               Or everything is built...

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If you are going to kill yourself
Someone is going to find you.
Do you want that?
You are trying to die, I might wish you success,
But for what?
So you don't like it how it is,
Do you think anyone does?
But it is better to change, than destroy...

              Oh my god, I can't carry on like this.
              Not each day the same same thing!
              You want me to wait,
    ...

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I'm the one that's trying to tell you:-
This is all there ever will be.
Nothing you can say
Can change a thing,
I know everything about me.

Don't waste your time and
Don't waste your breath.
You think you want to help, but I
Know that's an empty threat.

I am the one, trying to show you:-
I live everything extreme.
Now you think I am being
Too hard on you, but
Cut me and I bleed.

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These bloodless wounds will never heal.
Pray,
         "Father Time, save me."

I grow so weak as the not-blood spills.
Pray,
         "Mother Nature, cure me."

Brother wind,
Sister rain,
Rock me. Wash me. Make me clean again.

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There is no time for the pillow to dry,
There is no hope, that's why I cry.
There is no future for all I see.
          There are no perks,
                                         To being me.

I would talk to myself if I had anything to say
I would comfort myself, did I think there was a way
                                  To stay sane.
But what to believe?
All I can hear are the scr...

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There reaches that point
                 When you reach for the pills.

The things that you won't
                 The world thinks that you will.

The waiting for freedom
                 Is not soon enough.

The paying for wisdom
                 Is costing too much.

                             And there's nothing left.

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            Loaded,
                   Cocked and fired, cannon explodes.
                   Your cavalry charge this valley.

  Shot, down in flames, you take me
  Surrendered or fighting.

                   I fuel you, another charge.

                                Your war cry echoes
                                This death dance.

  Do you take prisoners
(back to...

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It is time to introduce a new sub-theme in Love's Tempest - depression. Undoubtedly the upcoming depression poems are intricately related to most of the prior themes in Love's Tempest, but there's space to ponder that perhaps through self-love alone, depression is always related to Love's Tempest. I don't know if that is true as I haven't experienced every type or every cause of depression that th...

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When there's nothing more to say
   But your mind just keeps on talking,
When there's nothing left to feel,
   You can always feel the same.
When there's nothing else to do,
   There must be something you could be doing,
When there's nothing left to try,
   You can always try again
                               ...and again.

But I can't take the pain,
   And I can't take the sorrow,
...

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I don't suppose you'll cry to lose
A broken heart.
There's certainly no use in tears
On spilt milk.
But teddy bears are often loved
The more for being old and used,
And holes give special comfort to
Those shoes unfit to walk in.

Dream on,
Why not accept the truth?
Even apples are despised and scorned
Once bruised.

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How precious will you say I am?
It was care to hold me as you did.
It was cotton wool to dry my tears,
And hard steel to start them.

And yes protect me from the world.
Yes yes, protect me from myself.
It's wise to know these precious jewels,
And carelessness to drop them.

And will you call me muchly loved?
How softly do you claim to tread?
It's gales around this house of cards!
And ...

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I stood in the wind for you,
The gale that blew my love away.
You watched me from your crazy world,
And still I stood alone.
And then the rain fell, like my tears.
Still I stood upon that hill.
I waited for the sun to shine,
But still it never came.

I stood there while the white snow fell.
I stood there in the darkest night.
Yes - I'm glad you're warm inside,
I'm waiting in the freezi...

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You beckon to me.
Uncertain, and vaguely guilty.
And how you "know how I feel - but",
I can feel the urgency grip you.
And how we "don't have to if...",
I can feel the expectation.

You touch me,
Too gently,
I can feel the inexperience.

Do you expect me
Suddenly to tell you
If you can.
Or suddenly to let you
If you can't.

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We fight to first blood
But he has no weakness,
It will surely be me who loses.
One way, or another,
It will surely be me who bleeds or bruises.
There can be no lenience
Between me and my lover.

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Gorged, full-bellied,
The bloated She-whale lies
On a bed of roses.
Thorns prick her sides,
But her lover
Lies
Heavy-lidded.
He doesn't see, and he doesn't fear,
And because it doesn't hurt (him)
He books another year;
But the She-whale
Floats
Belly-up to the surface,
Because he didn't catch her.

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If I cry tonight - don't say you love me,
Show me.
And when you can't show me - 
That's why I cried.
And if you learn to tell me - maybe I won't listen.
I know myself too well.
               Not well enough!

If I cry tonight - put your arms around me.
Say nothing - 
               But don't let me think.
Don't push me near this brink!
I could think so sharp to stab myself.

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