I can't fall asleep

If I do, it's not too deep

I feel sick and weak

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The Bottle

Sometimes it's easy to take comfort from a bottle

Trying to numb or dull the anxiety

A swill of sweet oakey booze to dissolve those feelings one would rather ignore

But eventually, given enough time, and enough drink

One starts to notice that bottle isn't your friend 

It doesn't work

It doesn't numb anything

In fact, most of the time, it boils and churns up and c...

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We know it will kill us,

But we do it anyway.

Huddled together,

Like this.

In this place of ill repute.

The townsfolk think poorly of us.

But I am sure

Someone in here,

Has read Rimbaud.

Written poetry,

Dreamt of Dante.

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This is based on a true story. In 2010, I was extremely ill with pneumonia from H1N1. I was in the VA for 2 weeks. I came home no better because I couldn't get out of bed. I got an encouraging kick out of a cardinal dancing up and down outside my window. He wanted me to get up and put a peanut on my sill. This is a rework of High Note, more accurate to the actual event.

Red

We like to t...

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Bitter pangs

Leak puddling

To the floor

The GP

Noxiously

Unconcerned

By women

Crying 'ouch'

For sick notes

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One last blow out. 

One last crucial hit.

A delightful dream which is

way out of the desired grip.

Every repetition of this addictive action

Every summon to this predicted slip.

Each time over and over again

Causes our precious belief to slowly rip.

The belief is to quit and seek much further beyond.

The truth that we desire of which we have oh so longed.

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Broken in tiny pieces
Shattered metaphorical and literally shattered
My soul feels bruised and battered
Years of lost trust finally found over almost a year
Gained in time but lost again through fear
Warned stay clear
All things toxic drugs and beer
Disappointment unspoken but visual
Her eyes are sad she looks miserable
She blames her self they all do
The handful of people who got me thr...

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i bet you didnt expect to be doing drugs

i bet you didnt expect to give your sister one last hug

it wasnt expected that youd die and come back

and it wasnt foretold that on your face youd fall flat

nothing was planned to downfall, nor did you think that people would break down your walls

but it happened, your innocence was taken

and your faith in god was shaken because your actio...

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never had a dad had to grow up fast, couldnt get over it so i live in the past

lonely and troubled i felt all alone, with little happiness, depression was shown

i fell into violence, drugs were upcoming, nothing felt better than the way that they were numbing

into trouble is what i always got, in and out of facilities, the recovery i fought

four years and my memory is grey, im always j...

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there's no one here but me, bottles all around, the music's faded it's a melancholy sound

party streamers on the floor, the room drenched in drugs and sadness

it's hazy and in reality, you aren't glad this...

EVER happened

at first, it all seemed fun and you were happy at the time

now they're disappointed, now you want more, now you're back down the mountain you took so long to clim...

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Porcelain doll, why are you frowning?

She said, "I am you", "Look at my damage, all the drugs you're downing"

Cracked and peeling, there's no reverse.

She started crying, "Are you going to stop now or make it worse?"

Porcelain doll, how do I stop?

She said, "That's on you."

I take another pill and I hear a pop.

Piece after piece falls on the floor.

She cries out as it hurts...

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Deleted the dealer. Threw put the pills.

Used the rest of my money for unpaid bills.

Cut off the friends. Got myself clean.

Mentally ready but physically a fiend.

Going to meetings. Trying to talk.

The constant urge to do dope I have to block 

I don't really care, but at the same time, I do.

Hopefully, at some point, the right answer will breakthrough. 

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The words you speak you don't mean to slur, you think you know what you're saying but it's all a blur. Missing the way things used to be, but crying at the cost of living; it's no longer free. Wanting more 'n more but you have to quit. Sadly it's your only coping skill to make you forget. You drink and you drink but now you're just sick, after four years you'd think that'd it'd click. Never does t...

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Have I caught a cold?
I can feel it in my bones
this hollow sense that I can’t shake
when I gauge the current state

Newspaper, newspaper
you’re not paper anymore
and it’s not news
just the inevitable unfolding
an unstoppable rolling
towards flag waving
a dismantling, dividing
dis-united kingdom

This news, this news
gives me contusion blues…

Politics is broken, democracy’s a jok...

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A series of 11 short poems

End of a Galaxy

A blink

In the silent depth of night

As the last leaf of the beech tree

As the silent tear of my love

End of Harmony

I see her dancing on the sands

I see her                                     as she sees me

and in that moment

sand, sea, sun, surf

vanish in the vortex

until

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We were born sick
But we adore it,
Nothing compares.
Living on the edge,
The dual extremes
in which we thrive,
are eating us alive.
Devouring our souls,
Ripping us apart,
Yet wholesome we feel
With our demons so close,
Sat upon our shoulder
Whispering to us, sins..
Orders upon orders
to which we must follow.

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{I Am Not Okay}

I am not okay
I am not happy
I am not sure if I want my life to continue on living this freaking nightmare 
I am not beautiful 
I am the one everyone calls the ugly duckling 
I am a incurable plagued person 
I am depression
I am suicidal 
I am a lost cause 
I am hurt 
I am pain
I am sickness
I am a invisible person that no one attends to see beyond the sick...

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{She Died And I Died To}

She was a beautiful 
woman that I got
attached to very
quickly because she 
would write little 
poems that was like 
a visionary fairytale 
of what life could be
for me and her

But then my beautiful 
beauty got really bad 
sick as the day's 
passed into the 
darkest hours of the 
nights my heart was 
breaking into to see
her like this ...

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{Just So Sick}

I'm so sick of 
being so tired 
of being so weak 
all of the time 
due to my 
illness and 
sickness but I 
hope and pray 
it will get 
better for me 
but I honestly 
don't know if 
it ever will 

©Tina Glover All Rights Reserved/One_Pissed_Off_American_Ghost_Writer 2017 but posting here on February 21,2018 

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{I'm About To Lose My Mind} 

I'm about ready

to lose my cotton

picken mind  

because the same

pain each day when

I open my eyes

is about ready to

drive this

woman totally insane 

because the throbbing,

aching, blurred 

vision, sensitivity

to light and 

​​​​​​sounds along with

the headache on top

of a bad migraine headach...

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Face down in the mud, he paused before he rose

'Women pay a fortune and I'm covered to my toes'

Back among the runners, he tried again to jump

Over the high barriers, but he really got the hump

When soon for the third time he took a mighty fall

'You'd think that after all this time my feet would now play ball'

Some weeks went by before he had to go and seek some hel...

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