I stopped feeling things so the universe would stop punishing me
I tried to feel it right, think it into existence, and withstand the resistance
I'm under decades of doubt
I'm afraid of what will happen when I come out
No longer behind the veil
But I got secret doubts that I can't tell
I'm operating on a fear of going to hell
Think it and be it
Pray it and believe it
Rare glimpses at th...

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They keep saying call I did, no one answered I wish they listened more and posted less I wish I knew just how to pass this test I'm hurting, heavy laden, and down I'm waiting on prayer to turn me around It's almost mythical to believe they care enough to hear what you say and give you a better response than continue to pray I know why they dying because its killing me They keep saying call I did, ...

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Pain hurts in the middle of the day, in the middle of the night and in many other ways
It masks itself as shame and keeps calling your name
You're nothing 
You're worthless
You're alone
Calling out to the God who says He cares 
But finding silence and distant stares
I want to be happy
I want to be whole
I want to be free of the ghost that haunts me
Haunting my days and wrestling with my ...

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He Is, My King
I am, His Queen
We are, A Team         

In him I grew, in me he knew we could build a family. Strong, bold, and brazen he came in like a wrecking ball. Tearing down the walls of hopeless justice. We were created in the heart of God to love each other and serve a world full of hate. We are guided by our story and sheltered by the love of God.

A man I have yet to meet, but he...

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If I could speak to your heart

I would tell you how much I love you

If I could speak to your mind

I would assure you that I am not out to hurt you or do anything unkind

If I could speak to your soul

I would show you the place in my heart only you hold

If I could speak to your fears

I would destroy them so you’d have no more tears

If I could speak to your inner child

I w...

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Becoming

Being

Not quite what I was

Not even who I want to be

Not recognizing who I am

Can't go back to who I was

Can't get to who I want to be

Can't figure out who I am

The past kicked me out

But my future won't let me in

And my present won't give me rest

Trying to let go of her

Trying to become the better she

Trying to find the present me

I escaped the m...

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Stand with my man, this time I cannot

Stand behind my man, of this I fear not

Alone you must go

In unity you will stand

Bringing power to your people

Doing whatever you can

In spirit I am with you, my love I cannot hide

Our differences to rest, by love I will abide

My fathers, my sons, my uncles, my brothers

Your pain shall not be swept under the cover

I cry for you b...

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Sometime love takes a long time
Longer than I wish it would
Harder than I believed it could
Save me from my broken heart
Kiss my soul and caress my mind
Jesus be a fence and keep the dogs out
I'm fighting for a chance to love
I'm living for a moment in time
I'm claiming that I AM HIS and HE IS MINE
LIFE teaches you lessons that could blow your mind
Hollowed out and trying to be whole
Fi...

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PTRD - Post Traumatic Religious Disorder.  Confessions of a confused believer who’s not sure what to believe. Highs, lows, anxiety, depression, suppression, and all that in between. Saved, suicidal, and soaked in the blood. The aftermath of trying to be a round peg in a square world. Do you ever feel like you have been traumatized by the religion that holds your faith? Down, dismayed, and subdued ...

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Twelve years and you still don't get it. I crossed that bridge packed my bags and hit it. No more tears I left my fears lying on the floor. I quit, I’m leaving and I ain’t coming back no more.
Sitting in a silent cave losing me while giving you one last save.
While I was trying to be what you needed, you started a journey and couldn’t complete it.
Walking around in the madness, you did you, and...

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Don’t judge me, you don’t even know me. Don’t compare my fear to your fear. Don’t discredit my experience because you made it. It hurts and I can feel it. Jumped in the ring ready to fight. Spraying them verses, hitting hard, ducking and moving, and keeping up my guard. I wasn’t ready for battle. You geeked me up and told me I could do it. Told me I could pray my way through it. The battle is ragi...

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Everything that I use to sooth my weary mind becomes a stumbling block. Reading, writing, worship, daydreaming, all killed by frustration and agitation. I need something to make the voices cease. I need a little time alone in peace. Lord, I’m left standing alone and wounded. When will my affliction stop? When will my mind be my own again? Free from dread, free from fear, free from worry, anxiety a...

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Frustration pouring out of me like flying daggers; hitting the target but not the true source. Truth is I’m mad at God. Dare I say it and let the saints attack. Its ok, that’s all they know how to do. Whew Lord, it’s been a hard day, week, year, and life. I’m already falling under this strife. I been killing it with a praise, and I still got my hands up raised. Pushing threw and giving back, falli...

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Fancy, free, doing whatever I please and not giving a f$ck about the consequence of my actions. I ran into trouble and I think I liked it. Chocolate fire. Wild and crazy, full of fun a laughter. We laughed and grew over the years. He gave me a glimpse of what a boyfriend could be. I left for school and he bounced in and out of lock down. Not quite what I wanted, but at that point I didn’t even kno...

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Pain hurts in the middle of the day, in the middle of the night and in many other ways
It masks itself as shame and keeps calling your name
You're nothing 
You're worthless
You're alone
Calling out to the God who says He cares 
But finding silence and distant stares
I want to be happy
I want to be whole
I want to be free of the ghost that haunts me
Haunting my days and wrestling with my ...

Read and leave comments (0)