There was this precious vase that was my life.
 It was a thing of beauty on a sacred shelf.
 It had a purity and sense of truth.
 It was a vessel of my love.

But now, I gaze at fragments strewn across my hearth.
How strange, since I can feel there's something else.
Yet, when I look down, I recognise that someone smashed it.
It must have slipped when I was cleaning.

I am sitting in the ...

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If I am a monument;
I am out in all weathers.
They made me marble
                  So I would be cold in the sun,
                  Warm in the rain.
They made me on a pedestal
Because in their wisdom,
They knew it would be further to fall.
                  I am somewhere that no-one passes,
                  Because I am forgotten.
                  I am alone amongst pidgeons,
     ...

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The universe doesn't care about anything, because it doesn't mind about anything.
It doesn't care what it is, because it cannot see what it is, or be seen by anything.
Outside the universe is no eye or mind or mirror, no rules or responsibilities.
And inside the universe nothing matters at all,
Because everything is part of the universe
and none of it has to stay the same
and none of it has ...

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The story of my life is not mine to tell,
For it does not matter
What I thought that I might be
And how can I remember
With total accuracy
Anything from the past?

The story of my life is not mine to tell,
For I am so wound around
Other people's lives
And how have I the right
To expose them to the light
And to the world?

The story of my life is not mine to tell,
For it hasn't ended
...

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I once was as the limber branch
but now become the torpid trunk.
I sparkled under summer suns,
but now in dusky shadows hide.

Spring leaf has turned an autumn hue
The autumn scene borne frosted ice.
As winter grips in burning cold,
Comes next the springtime of the soul.

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We invest ourselves
in our actions
for a dividend
of posterity.
Whomever we affect
carries us on
so that we do not die.

We cannot be entirely
any one
when we owe so much
to so many
who themselves the same,
and we
in turn
more than ourselves
will be whomever we've supported

So hoarding all
is the only way
to end up with nothing.
 

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Whatever my body, my soul is beautiful
Whatever my wealth, my soul is rich
Whatever the chaos, my soul is tranquil

Whatever the burden, my soul supports me
Whatever I lose, my soul will stay
 

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The person that I want to be
dies every day.
I never know exactly when, or how.
Sometimes it is sudden,
Sometimes lingering,
I often struggle, I often cling,
Sometimes, fatalistically, I just give in
But the person I want to be dies every day
Sometimes many times.
 

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Still practicing life
Determined. Will get it right
Given enough time.
 

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1 
 What we have may be decided by many things
 But we alone control what we will be.
 We are how we act.
 If the power to affect what we are and what we do exists at all
 It comes from us alone, and is given and taken wherever we choose.

2
 I am not magnetic, 
 Money shall have no power over me.

 I am not eternal. 
 Time shall have no power over me.

 I am not blind to the wo...

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Sometimes the safest questions to ask ourselves 
are about other times, other places, and other people. 
It is so much more pleasant to guess what might have been, 
how things might have felt, what people might have wished for,
and what might have lain ahead along unspotlighted
corridors of time.
Rather than dwell where we are, with ourselves,
Feeling far less happy to not know the answers.

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It is going to come
 as some surprise
To those who think
 that I am wise

But I hardly know
 what's right to do
And I've probably done
 far less than you

I'm nothing much
 make nothing different
I'm usually stuck
 so much for wisdom

It makes me sad
 to fall so short
Not what I hoped
 I'd be at all.

But this is not
 the final me
I can be more
 than what I've been

And in...

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I am
so much
in the middle
of being
on the edge
of things.

I am 
I am so much
so much
so much in the middle
the middle of being
of being on the edge
the edge of things.

And I think
These are the worst
places to be
The middle and the edge
Or is it?
Or is it 
knowing where we are
is the wrong kind of knowing?

I am
so much
in the middle
of being alive
on the edge
...

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Today's blog is another in which there are two versions of the same poem. This time we have a short and a long version. If I were to keep only one I would probably keep the long version but since they are meditations I feel like it is OK for there to be two versions of the poem. 

Version 1 – Long

In Death I cannot cling to who I am or was,
I will not know or see or hear or think,
...

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The words that tell my story
To the depth it should be told
Have buried deep inside of me
And spread through flesh and bone.

I cannot catch a single thread
That isn't so firmly tied
Around my mind and lungs and heart
That if I pulled it out I'd die.

That's why forming sentences
Is ripping me apart
And as for explaining anything
Will I ever get the chance?

But just as does the lio...

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I am the real deal, and so are you.
But what is the real deal?

Is it all of the cards we're given
Or the purpose of absolutely everything?
Or is it the sum of both?

We are the real deal
And we are finding out what that is.
 

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When I had children
My life became theirs
Creating their joys
Removing their cares
Being the ground 
On which they can stand
Sharing their path
Holding their hand.

And I set out with dreams
That our lives would be good
When it broke at the seams
I did all that I could
And as I faced down our demons
And I set them to flee
I thought of protecting them
Not of damaging me.

Once you...

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So much of what I hoped to be
has been torn away
in these years of struggle.

Not like old skin, 
whose tiny dry fragments
helpfully disperse,

These pieces of my self 
went differently,
before use, and without replacement.

And when we perceive ourselves
we are not what we are
but also what we were and what we will be
and all of these are missing pieces now.

It has an obvio...

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We are all of us children
grown up and making our own
way in the world
still children
for all of that.

We are all of us dreamers
woken up to our own
reality
still dreaming
for all of that.

We are all of us lovers
in love with making our own
love love
still loving
for all of that.

We are all of us seekers
stretching up to find our own
place in this world
still seeking
for a...

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It took me so many years to find myself, and I got lost along the way,
And now I don't know where I am or where I'm going,
But at least I know it doesn't matter.
   
So yes I'm wandering round this pointless universe,
But I'll just be myself,
Wherever, Whatever.
 
And if I'm changing every moment into something else
Who even cares what I am today?
 
It took me all these years to find my...

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I am from prose into poetry
I am from madness into sanity
I am from doubt into belief

I am from anguish into ecstasy
I am from isolation into company
I am from hatred into peace

I am from discord into harmony
I am from solo into symphony
I am from restraint into release

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I am from water.
I am from breath.
I am from body.
I am from blood.
I am from heart.
I am from thought.
I am from life.

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I am not my clothes
I am not my house
I am not my possessions.

I am not my knowledge
I am not my thoughts
I am not my body.

I am my words
I am my actions
I am my expressions.

I am the impact that I have.

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I thank earth.
I thank my fortune in being born where and when, 
And to whom and with whom I was born.

I thank water.
I thank my fortune in having health and sense, 
And sense of health, and sense of sense.

I thank wind.
I thank my fortune in my paths and choices, 
For they have led me to this path and choice.

I thank fire.
I thank my fortune in my abilities and disabilities 
As t...

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