Today at school, I locked myself in the bathroom 

so I could cry where no one could see.

Things aren’t the same anymore and I don’t know 

how to communicate it.

I find myself unable to do the simplest things—

to comprehend, to remember, to articulate 

the things I could before.

This morning, I sat in silence and stretched and breathed in deeply, 

and I said t...

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I want to tell you.

 I want to write it down. 

I want to have the right words.

I want to feel them. I want you to feel them. I want you to feel what I felt. 

I want you to know. About everything. I want to show it to you in broad daylight. 

I want you to see it. I want you to face it. I want you to taste it 

when the water turns to bleach. I want it to blister the inside of your ...

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I always hoped I’d get a seat next to them—

After so many hours in that chair, you look for anything to make you smile.

Most days I came prepared with things to occupy my mind.

I carried a book of Kate Bush’s song lyrics, called How to Be Invisible, which had been nearly ruined once when I spilled an entire canteen of water in the bag I packed to take to the hospital.

Bu...

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From here—

I wish I could capture this moment with my eyes:

A rose-golden mist of salt

shimmering in the glow of the setting sun

falling like stardust into the grey-green seams

of water, pulled tightly over by the crest of a broken wave

She could devour me in an instant with 

white-water jaws;

swallow me whole and 

spit me into her dark abyss

But here—

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i am a lucky girl.

just recently i read that

on average

people take around 24,000 breaths 

everyday 

in between words

and laughs 

and running late to their jobs.

today i watched an old

PJ Harvey concert on tv

she was singing and

screaming and

breathing 

all over the place-

it was great

i bet i took a thousand breaths 

just sitting there watchi...

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They come to me when things are still

And leave me without choice to hear

The things I've heard and know too well

Of tired topics,

To be clear

I, myself and just the ears

Without chance to think, or speak

It seems all I do is overhear

Their endless banter of 

Self critique

Seldom, do I have a moment

For myself

Today, for instance 

Was particularly loud

Who...

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I could not reach you

But how I sought to

How desperately I longed

To belong to you

But the walls between us

The ones you built

Stood far too strong

And far too tall

For me to reach

Oh, but how I tried

How relentlessly I cast my bleeding hands 

Against the jagged rocks and stones 

That kept me from you

Lost,

Alone

But how I tried

And I wait...

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