A Christmas Wish 

I wish I could go back for just a day

I wish there was a magic way

To twenty years or so ago. 

To christmas past as white as snow.

To little kids in soft pyjamas, 

Christmas specials of telly dramas. 

Excitement sizzles in the air, 

Gifts from loved ones soon to share.

Special baubles cover the tree, 

Children waiting full of glee. 

Santa’s m...

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The Pig Butcher

Pickton pulled the trigger. 

finished her off. 

Her crime was bigger,

Left in a trough.

Squeals of delight,

Grinding her down,

Hidden from sight,

Miles from town.

Ribbons of flesh,

entrails, sinew and bone 

Minced through mesh,

Can’t hear her moan.

Empty roads wet with rain,

Deserted, discarded dead.

Silence screams p...

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The Other Woman

I feel sorry for her

She believes your lies

Wipes tears from your eyes

She thinks you care,

Always be there.

We know that’s fake

Rotten wedding cake,

Broken vows,

Affairs with old cows, 

Twisted memories told,

Left out in the cold. 

Beaten and broken, 

Heart torn open,

All still to come, 

Treated like scum,

The future holds this,

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Soft and warm like little pigs,

Belly warm and milky,

Tiny paws soft as velvet,

Wine gum nose

And beans for toes. 

Caterpillar tails with a tiny twist,

Thrashing and dashing,

Wriggling and dancing. 

Breath like popcorn,

Buttered and spiced. 

Little murmurs, squeaks and purrs,

Scratches, snuggles baby cuddles. 

Tiny needles line soft lips,

Claws like diamonds

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The deal we get dealt

Can be heart felt. 

It can change our lives,

Create nose dives. 

The way we face our pain,

Is not for personal gain. 

It steals our health,

Affects our wealth.

It breaks our spirit,

Pushes us to our limit.

When we walk in the darkness,

It’s hard to raise awareness. 

We may feel alone, 

Lost in a friend zone.

Feeling judged,

Tears s...

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Lara

Look deep in her eyes,

you will see

The deepest of love,

There can ever be. 

She is loyal and sweet

Loves every treat. 

She loves to play,

Will even sit and stay.

Before she came I lost all purpose,

She gives me strength,

She gives me purpose,

She is my friend,

We are a special blend. 

Taking away loneliness,

Cuddled up for coziness.

She pr...

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I have a lump in my breast.

They want to give it a test.

I hope it fails.

It mustn’t revise,

Must stay unwise.

It really needs to fail.

It’s small like a pea.

Hard as a nail.

Attached to my flesh.

Buried inside.

Jelly bean hiding,

terror cells collide.

Hand pressing down,

Massaging my breast

It hides for a moment

Just feel my chest.

Then it...

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Recently I took a trip to Cardiff and was shocked by the level of homelessness in the city. It’s there but for the grace of god for all of us. I feel we ignore this. Having lost my job after a stroke, I was lucky to have insurance and a pension, if not then I may well have been left homeless. We never know what cards we will be dealt. Next time don’t just turn a cheek.

Next time we turn aw...

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Be kind... I am still getting used to writing after my stroke. It’s so hard but a friend’s experience prompted this one . Assisted technology sounds bizarre  reading back such a sensitive topic. I hope it still works as a poem. 

Gas light

It’s not a street light. 

It’s so hard to see. 

So unaware,

It frightens me. 

I’m not worth it.

Am I to blame? 

Is it my f...

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It’s been 18 months since my stroke. I have improved so much but life still has many challenges everyday. I am still developing my writing using assisted technology. 

I had a stroke

I am not a stroke victim

I am not a stroke survivor 

I am me

I am a writer

I can’t hold a pen

It’s hard to tell my story

I will know when

I am proud

It doesn’t stand in...

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The Saphire Ashes. 

Once a beauty,

Fulfilled her duty.

Loved, honoured, devoted,

Salty kisses coated.

His tongue lashes her bruises,

Twisted words falsely accuses.

Cruelty worse than burning blisters,

Marginalised her assisters. 

Covers her in deadly kisses,

His fist rarely misses.

Cracked and broken parts,

Deserved by filthy tarts. 

She glance...

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The Car Boot

I am skint.

I need to make a mint

I gathered all my junk.

Barbie’s pink bunk,

Shoes that gave me blisters,

A china doll and her sisters,

Air beds for camping, 

A table for revamping.

Some preloved books,

Some for cooks, 

Mary Berry full of tips

Slimming World low fat chips.

A cheese board,

I am bored. 

An old holiday suitcase, 

We’l...

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As many of you know I was left permanently disabled by a Stroke in November last year.  It has left me facing early ill health retirement.  It has affected my ability to write, speak and move and I am adapting to a life of assistance. It’s been the biggest challenge ever.  I tried prayer, faith and hope and despite improvement I still long for the life I had before. 

I wrote this whimsical...

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I had a stroke on the 9th November 2017.  The staff at Derby Hospital were amazing and saved my life. For this I am eternally grateful and for the help from OTs and Physios. The Stroke Association have also been amazingly supportive. The devastating results of the stroke have changed my life so much. I am left disabled at just 46 years old and my life will have to change as I am unable to res...

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They battle.

Kids in the middle.

Swords drawn,

Jousting parents.

Children crying,

Caught in the middle, 

Lovers tiff,

Family rift, 

Place of pain,

Divorce. 

Gone.

Still fighting,

Still battling,

No agreement, 

No rest bite,

Kids a weapon.

Mass destruction.

Can't save them.

Parents scar them.

Divorce ruins them,

Trust betrayed. 

Love lo...

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Little girl in the spotty frock, 

Did she love you then or not?

What did you do to make it change?

Why were you so very strange?

Why did you not do as you're told? 

Always needed an extra scold. 

Never behaved at home or school,

Always the one who acts the fool. 

Never able to conform,

Always the one full of scorn.

Still the girl in the spotty frock?

Does...

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The Room 

It's smaller on the inside,

Come and be my guide.

The lock shrinks the place, 

to such a tiny space.

The space is retreating,

It stops your heart beating,

Room starts swimming,

Constricting air thinning.

Can't help feeling sickly,

I need to get out quickly,

It constricts your chest 

Lead weight thermal vest.

Sweat covers my brow,

Need to get...

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She saunters about,

Her nose raised in superiority.

Peacock, proud and arrogant,

Strutting around,

 lethal with spite,

Spitting her viscous venom,

Wounds cut deep,

Lashed by her tongue,

Her actions grind others down.

Whip to spur them on,

Beaten brows cry out.

No autonomy,

Trust stolen,

Integrity lost,

Freedom withdrawn.

Her senseless cunning,

Enslav...

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There is a musky smell, warm and welcoming, like the smell of damp dog. The hoof prints leave a breadcrumb trail to see where the wandering goats have hidden. Tiny cloven feet, so dainty they grip on to steep slopes, trip trap along the rocky mountain side.

He stands watching them through his steamy spectacles.  The ferocious biting wind sears his aged skin, his wiry black beard protects m...

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She saunters along the empty path,Blossom swoops to kiss her in the wind. It's gentle touch, a starlit lover, warms her hollow heart. She felt the breath of a thousand souls caress her once innocent skin, now gently wizened by the years gone by. Each step her troublesome bones feel the rough and rugged ground clawing at her steps to slow her further. The aches in her rickety joints pull her down. ...

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What is a disability?

Is it there for all to see? 

Do they look a little special,

Or just a bit like me. 

Maybe there is a wheel chair,

Crutches or a splint.

What about the eye patch?

Is there just a little hint?

What about that limp he has?

Or the crooked looking stance?

Some just look so ordinary.

They can even dance.

Some they think imagine it,

disabi...

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I slip one in my mouth,

It melts. 

Delicious. 

I lick strawberry lips.

Kissed by magic.

It takes away my pain,

Senses numbed. 

Nothing seems to matter. 

Apathy takes a hold. 

25mg maximum dose.

Is it working?

I have no clue.

I have lost my inner self. 

I don't want to feel the pain,

But without it there's no escape. 

I want to taste the rainbow,

To r...

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She is 17 years old,

How many dog years is that?

She is grey around the muzzle.

Very little body fat.

Chicken carcass fills her skin,

So fragile and so weak.

Blind blue opaque eye,

Her temperament so meek. 

She sleeps stretched out,

Small brittle arthritic bone.

She twitches as she sleeps,

Time left now is life on loan.

She sleeps so soundly,

this warm summer...

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Made from love of two,
Stork delivery nearly due.
Inside something special grows,
Takes a while before it shows.
Tiny, magical, growing at first,
Later months it nearly bursts.
Wriggling butterflies flutter inside,
Not long ago a beautiful bride.
Tiny booties from clicking pins,
Little kicks bring tiny grins.
Peers inside all black and white,
Check on what's out of sight.
Growing belly...

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Knock knock...
It's the door.
Don't come to the house,
Invasion not wanted!
Heart pounding, 
Shaking chest.
Discussion not needed.
Privacy counts. 
Sweating palms,
beaten brow.

Knock knock...
It's the door. 
Keep away 
allow freedom.
Blind with panic
Screams deathly quiet.
No need for checking on.
Perfectly capable self.

Knock knock...
It's the door.
Tension of a coiled spr...

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I think life should be about caring, loving and trusting. 
We should follow a life where we give what we can to others.
Not money but love, faith and understanding.
When friends are in their dark space we would shine out our torch of hope, 
Provide an ear to help them cope. 
Listen when they talk, 
take time not to judge. 
We should be better at listening, 
Not pushing our views. 
We shou...

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I don't feel worthy of this earth.
It's a bright and happy day today. 
I feel a fraud amongst it all.
As kids and parents play. 
Sandcastles, colourful buckets and plastic spades, 
Happy laughter fills the air. 
Desperate darkness clouds it. 
There is no point, no joy, no end,
I am hollow and so void. 
I smile and wave and look the part,
Each photo frames the day. 
Behind the mask the c...

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Don't worry if the path you travel is crooked, 
your destination is not clear, 
the turns you make misguided,
the route a little obscured. 
Each step you chose to wander, may be a step too far,
but the journey shapes your future and makes you what you are. 
Past steps they are not wasted, they shaped your inner soul. 
They led you to your future, 
guided an inner goal. 
Every inch is wort...

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I am sorry she feels so angry,
She tried to let it go, 
It's all in the past now,
But all she's done is grow. 

The memories sit beside her,
Dark pain silently crushes
Nothing to break the fear,
Screams no one will hear. 

Remember stinging legs,
Red and raw as silk,
Smacked and beaten badly,
Long gone the mothers milk. 

Why did you do it child?
You always break the rules.
Simply...

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Mummy please...
Mummy please don't lock the door.
The anxiety grows inside me.
I know I have been here before. 
The smell of soil and potting,
The stench of old manure. 

I feel the darkness bite me,
Draw blood from frightened veins,
I scratch to stop me crying,
It helps to ease the pain. 
Space creeps tight around me,
squeezing out my breath. 

Perfectly perfumed petrol 
I gently t...

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It's silent.
Just the cogs turning,
They look so puzzled.
Why didn't they study?
Why did they mess around?
Why didn't they care?

They're disaffected. 
They hate it all. 
Why didn't teachers care?
Why did schools mistreat them?
Why should they really care?

It is silent.
One clearly tries,
Success is what he needs. 
What has changed this year?
Why has he done so well? 
Why now be...

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The preacher man was there.
Advising, guiding providing prayer.
He keeps himself hidden away
Wise words from him today.
The better place he beckons me to 
transcendent mythical city for few.
His heaven is closer dragged in. 
Going along he can never win. 

He isn't there 
He is no where
He is strong
He is right

I am weak
I am lost
I am gone
I am here

The preacher man was there...

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Once a darkness wrapped her soul,
A willow weeping, a devoid whole. 
Stole her hope, her pride, her lust. 
Pain twisted taking trust. 

She wandered vulnerable but free,
Deathly pale but not drug free. 
Chemically calmed, sedated, numb.
The only way to cope for some. 

Twisted visions of the truth,
Forever lost beauty and youth.
Broken wings no longer fly. 
Long ago she prayed to die....

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There are challenges we face that others don't see,

may never experience, never understand.

Invisible mountains we climb alone,

oceans we swim feeling out of our depth.

But we do it. We fight it. We beat it.

Mental health recovery is a journey,

a destination that requires focus, bravery and time.

For all those who face it every day...

believe.

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Hospitals full 
No beds for care,
Government money 
All too rare.

Dementia patients left to cope
Danger, stranger, lost all hope.
Children waiting months to see,
Counsellors to set them free. 

Schizophrenia, write them off
No one really gives a toss. 
Benefits the only way,
Stop them having any say. 

Depression that's just a joke,
Just a crushing wall of smoke,
Watch it take yo...

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Sat here waiting
Stupid posters on the wall
Like knowing 1/4 matters
Mental health for all. 

The chairs are stained and dirty,
Water fountain broke,
Magazines outdated.
Even leaflets on a stroke. 

The receptionist she mumbles,
Or is it the glass screen,
Protects her from the patients, 
Ring bells - they are unclean.

Mental or a leper,
It really doesn't matter.
You're all in thi...

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She waltzed amongst the roses,

Tiptoed upon the thorns

wrapped herself in petals,

Avoiding skin like nettles.

He was poison ivy,

Prickly like holly,

Poison berry kisses,

Cupid's arrow misses.

They wandered through the gardens

Creeping ivy binds them.

United by deadly nightshade,

Their home a fairy glade. 

Babies fed with seed pods,

Rosary pea a...

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The bitch is dead.

Spewing hatred from her empty eyes.

She fought back,

Skin under her broken nails,

She never suspected him.

Her beautiful lover boy.

His deathly kiss,

He pinned her to the wall,

Staple gun kisses,

Fastened her down,

Tight as a lover's arms.

She fell for his charms.

Smeared bloody lipstick stuck to his face,

Deathly bite holding its place.

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Your a Kraken, a gorgon, a monster.

You don't bite,

It's not even spite.

You maybe don't know the damage you do.

Screwed over, discriminated against, scrap.

That's what I am. 

Scrap.

My life is crap.

I can't prove them wrong,

It's stolen away.

No chance of change.

Never mind - I am mad anyway.

Who gives a toss?

I am really no loss.

No one will even notice,

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His lardy arse 

Melts over the chair.

He sweats and drips 

Greasy body hair.

It's sad to think 

He was once so fit.

Muscular, tidy,

Still a bit of a prick.

He used to love her,

His clever cow,

Snobby and prim,

So much better than him.

She broke him down, 

Belittled him.

Together once perfect,

Now don't fit.  

Damaged each other.

It wasn't qui...

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He dressed her in velvet,

His little rabbit.

He coveted her sweetness.

She was his drug habit.

Bloody kisses  bite her lip

But it's ok, he loves her right?

His perfect partner, perfect wife,

Slap her nearly every night.

Takes her out in his expensive gift.

He chose it, she must wear it,

She feels embarrassed, tarted up,

Don't say it, touch-paper lit.

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She could never get her hair to stay,

Even curled and covered in spray. 

Yet now it's stuck and clings in waves,

Hidden deathly shallow graves. 

Blood like wax holds lashes down,

Deathly beauty hides her frown,

Her sadness gone, her fear too,

Her twisted leg and broken shoe.

The chase was over, her killer won,

Smashed her face in, just for fun,

He posed her ...

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I can't find it anywhere,

It's gone, disappeared,

Hidden somewhere dark.

I looked amongst the books,

I searched the internet,

I even checked the fridge.

I don't know where I put it,

I tried to keep it safe,

I don't remember where it is.

People have helped me look,

First a lady doctor,

Then a psychiatrist.

The CPN, she looked around,

She ev...

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Children are scared of monsters,

They hide beneath their beds,

Boogie men and spiders, 

dogs and dark and snakes.

Their fears are not unfounded,

But monsters rarely crawl,

Don't have fangs or claws.

But susceptible they fall.

She stood her in the corner,

She beat her to black and blue.

She told her that she loved her;

It simply wasn't true.

She he...

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She sat amongst her dollies

Hair all chopped and matted

their legs broken battered,

Biro on each painted face.

The fingers bitten off,

Spat out and thrown away.

Their toes all flat and mangled,

Their eyes poked closed and gone.

Each one no more a beauty,

Each one now dead and gone.

She did it as a child 

To each and every toy.

Her mummy used to smack her,

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I was chatting to a lady,

In a seedy, smelly bar.

When she told me of her worries

That would best be in a jar.

It wasn't chat from alcohol,

acetone her vice;

Filed and painted nails,

Pretend to make her nice.

She described a bad life,

Caring for her dad,

Feeding him and coping,

She seemed so very sad.

She spoke as if I knew her,

Lonely, sad and...

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The lava sky burning into my pale white skin. 

The breath of the wind kissing my neck,

stumbling barely breathing,

Held within the abandoned abbey. 

Sacred ground grabbed my feet,

grass like witches fingers,

tangled bloodied toes, 

tripping me, holding me, binding me.  

Scarlet volcanic madness crushing,

Changing and evolving,

Every step dragging me back.

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Is it the one?

Do you say yes?

Will you chose it? 

Is it your dress?

Are you Cinderella?

Will you crash and burn?

Marrying the wrong man?

Will you ever learn?

I think I'll try another one.

Maybe fit and flare?

He cheated once

would he ever dare?  

Maybe a vintage dress?

You're living in the past.

It used to be good,

But will it alway...

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Heaven needs a glitter ball.

There will be dancing there.

Your smile will light the sky,

As you look down on us all.

Don't forget your flip flops. 

Angels wear them now,

Ankle bracelets, toe rings,

No need for halos now.

Don't be sad to look back,

Your memories are our gold.

Locked forever in our hearts,

Always close at hand. 

Michelle's memories ...

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What is true love?

Fierce, passionate and enduring.

Is it best friends holding hands,

Chatting till dawn,

Laughing and smiling,

Sharing adventures, exploring the world?

Does it feel like satin kissing my skin,

Velvet lining my veins,

Wrapping its silk around my heart,

Catching my breath?

What is true love?

Fast, forever and faithful.

Is it holidays and sand...

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