I was tired of the situation,

The stress and the frustration

I wondered out loud

What if…. we stopped

It made you sad, my words hurt you

So you said goodbye,

You said goodbye with such finality

But baby,

It was just a thought,

Soon gone and replaced with conviction

That I want to go on

But now you’re gone

I can’t reach you

I saw you once and tried to tell you

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It’s been a while since you came 

Crashing on my shores.

Waves tore us apart,

Time widened the gap.

Seasons have passed,

Tides have changed,

And us with it.

I still scan the horizon 

For a glimpse of you 

How you have been, 

How life has treated you.

I wish you’d come back to me.

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How do you keep what you never had

How do you put a chain around a heart

How do you mend what has been broken

How do you unsay what has been spoken

How do you live a life without regret

How do you erase what you can't forget

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It was the kind of love

You read in books or see in movies.

The kind that makes your heart flutter.

It was the kind of happiness

That makes you giddy and act silly,

Can’t stop smiling when you see each other.

It was the kind of kiss

That makes your lips tremble and your knees weak

And now you know how it feels to be thoroughly kissed.

It was the kind of to...

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Everywhere I go

I see pieces of you…

A piece of you in the parking lot

Where we used to meet and chat,

A video clip of you at that burger resto

Walking up to me with the menu.

I find you in my playlists,

The songs you picked for me.

Alone in the car,

Conversations playback.

Shopping at the mall,

You critique my choices.

Even in the shower

I can hear your laug...

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In his youth he had found a hammer

Which he believed to be perfect at first

But as years went by, he discovered its flaws.

Later in life he found another hammer

He claimed it made him happier.

Even though it sometimes gave him pain

It brought him much joy and fit him perfectly

It was what he had been searching for!

The old hammer had hurt him more times than not 

It had ...

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When your heart is aching 

And you stop believing

When there are no tears left to cry

And hope has run dry

When the pain has dulled

And your will has died

When life has lost meaning

And nothing is worth doing

When you run out of time 

And can’t get what you want

When you have lost the battle

And realize the dream is impossible

When.....

That When is my N...

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From everyone else, you won’t take crap

But with her you seem to just give up

Please open your eyes and see

She has treated you so badly 

When you excuse her behavior 

You become an enabler

From my third person perspective

Her actions are bordering abusive

Although it frustrates me so much

I do understand your reasons for such

Your arguments are very valid a...

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Look over your shoulder...

Did someone overhear...

Is someone reading my email...

What if she finds out...

What if he knows that was me...

Are my calls monitored...

Is my password secured...

Did someone see us...

Will she make a fuss...

What if he tells our secrets...

Did he see through our stories...

She seems to suspect something...

He’s behaving differently.....

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I thought I was invisible

But you saw me

I thought I was fat and unpretty

But you made me feel hot and sexy

I thought I was plain and boring

But you said I’m fun and interesting

I thought I was too intellectual for any man

But you didn’t seem to mind

I feel sometimes that I’m too old

But you made me feel young once more

I liked it clean and si...

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It is winter, I'm in hibernation,

Life in limbo, in total oblivion.

The cold seeps in, inhabits my body

Filling my every pore so completely. 

Everything is so dreary and dark,

It makes my aloneness so stark.

I see nothing but emptiness,

It swallows me in its vastness. 

I anxiously, impatiently wait for spring,

For whispers of a new beginning,

For the reassur...

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Time is divided 

Not by minutes or seconds

But by before and after

Of defining moments. 

We talk of time and life

As two sides of an event:

Before the pandemic,

After the lockdowns,

Before I lost my job,

After the big storm,

Before I met you,

After you left.

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If my life was a movie

I wonder who I would be 

Would I be the despised villain 

Or the much-loved heroine

Would the audience take my side 

And with my reasons be satisfied

Would they agree with my decisions

Or would they condemn my actions

Would they say they can relate

Or am I the one they’d hate

If my life was a movie

I wonder what the ending would be 

W...

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The day started out great

Had so many things planned,

A quick trip to the beach

For much needed sun and sand.

Not a thought of you that morning 

But checked my feed on the way

And IG just had to remind me

Of a memory 3 years ago today.

A happy photo of us, all smiles

That day had been surreal and fun.

Then my brain went on overdrive

Suddenly, I was back t...

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A smile

A wave

A word

A message 

An email

A text

A call

Little things

Done, said, sent 

Given or withheld

At the right moment

Or at the wrong time

How quickly they

Can alter life’s course

For better or worse

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On that Friday afternoon

I waited by my phone

But my phone didn’t ring.

I called your number

But you didn’t answer. 

I don’t understand why

You didn’t say goodbye

Especially since you said

You don’t know when 

We could talk again.

You left me hanging,

Confused and wanting.

We have very limited time

But why won’t you talk to me

Even when there’s o...

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In a dream I saw you again...

You walked in the door

Your face unshaven.

Your familiar embrace

Your distinct musky smell

Your lips which know me well

The warmth of your skin 

Your intoxicating touch

I missed all of you so much.

We cling to each other

We cannot let go

We start slow

But hunger takes over.

In your penetrating gaze

My feelings overflow

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I dial her number

I hear the sleep in her voice

Did I wake her

She says No, but I think I did

I say I’m on my way over.

She meets me as I get out of my truck

A warm hug, a hot kiss.

We lie in bed

Entwined in the joy of each other

Hearts beating faster and faster

Sighs of contentment 

I screenshot the moment. 

Late lunch at our favorite place

I delig...

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I know that he misses me

Whenever we’re not together 

And he would be with me if he could.

I know he loves to hear about my day

And all the stories I share,

No matter how mundane or insignificant. 

I know that even when he’s mad

He still cares and worries about me

He still puts me first. 

I know that he loves my presence

And enjoys the time we spend,

Wishing for th...

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I wake up wondering if it was all a dream

When I recall what happened,

My tummy heaves like a boat on a stormy sea

I feel myself sinking into a dark abyss

The feeling of emptiness settles in

The void is so raw and so keen

I avoid getting up for as long as I can

Wishing everything to be back to what it was 

I get up with both heart and body so heavy

Try to eat j...

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I am not okay  
But I will manage

I am scared  
But I try to show courage

I am lost  
But I will eventually find my way

I am bored  
But I find things to fill my day

I am sad  
But I will have to learn to cope

I am desperate  
But I need to think there's hope

I am overwhelmed  
But I try to think things through

I need you  
But I will have to live sans you

I wanna t...

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He's gone.  
And he took the sun with him  
I'm left with nothing but regrets, fantasies and memories  
Mostly regrets for that night...  
He shouldn't have, I shouldn't have...  
Does it even matter?  
He's gone. 
 

I am waiting  
Wishing, hoping, praying  
Despairing. 
He's gone. 

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