Nurikabe Nights
due to be published in Looseleaf Tea
Comments
Thanks all
Elaine - would love to see it!
Phil - not been too clever mentally lately - in wrong place to come on here.
Thank you Anne and Francine :) I am getting better every day now :)
Ray - strip the meaning? I don't see it like that at all. Condense, yes. Also - that middle verse turns it right around, so you have the two first verses that describe what the wall could be and its effects, and then that middle one turns it around by using the middle line to MENTION the actual wall (it almost IS the wall), and then the next line to show how to see the way through the wall :) The last verse was kinda sorta meant to be structured like ancient sayings :) But as always, thank you for your time and comments :)
Your poems are always worth reading Laura. And I hope you are well :)
I admire the effort and much of the poem but I think squeezing thoughts into strict forms can sometimes strip the meaning and this seems to have happened with 3rd and 5th verses.
Love this - very clever and the idea of the nurikabe is great. As Dave says haiku is the obvious choice - well done. I can certainly identify with what you have written. I wrote something similar recently! XX
You always write about interesting things - I think I'm a fan!
Philipos
Tue 1st Nov 2011 17:11
Thought you might be cooking something up having not heard from you in a while. Great way to inspire fellow poets and thanks for sharing.
i thought everyone in world knew monkey magic...please google you will not be sorry. 80s import tv show for kids and those fond of the fantasy of the orient. i would not be who i am today without monkey. (its his fault)
love the flow of words and the assonant ryhming.
to make light i have to say the the nurikabe sounds like a character from monkey magic! :) i miss my daily reflections with lord tripitake the cross dress buddhist priest, the naughty ape, filthy pigsy and cutes blunders of sandy water death goth :) what a show. dont know if chinese/japanese excuse my ignorance here.
God saw an egg on the mountain top :)
Cheers ears - well, it's not technically a haiku not even in the English sense, which is why I didn't tag it as such (pedant? moi?) but it did seem to be a natural structure to use for it. This actually felt like, again, how I've been just lately, all those walls/worries that are seemingly impenetrable, but they're not, are they?
Another thing about yours was the 'journey towards morning' - which is another similarity between the two :)
Hi Laura, yes it was fun. A mini poetic flash mob. (-:
I like yours a lot - so right to use haiku to explore a Japanese theme. It's a great structure for musing, too, and the idea of nurikabe somehow provokes reflection. When a wall stops us, sometimes we just think, and that's how yours feel.
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<Deleted User> (6315)
Wed 2nd Nov 2011 17:20
Nice one Laura, I like the clipped form very much here..this Nurikabe explains a lot and it is a great thought to work with..hence two great reads, similar but so very different too..can that be lol ?? anyways I enjoyed your take very much..xxx