(sung)

‘What’s it all about - Alfie?

Is it just for the moment we live?’

 

What’s it all about?

 

Catholics know

That it’s all in a piece of bread

The breaking of and the partaking of

Transubstantiation is a very long word

Can you spell it?

And I’d so love to join them

But bless me, I can’t

 

Born agains know

As they jump in and out of water

Praising the lord and trying oh so hard

To wet everyone else

 

Jehovah’s Witnesses know

Knocking on doors with their kids, selling Watch Towers

And oh how well they watch

As the last drops of blood spill from a loved one’s body

Never to be renewed

 

Jews know

It’s all about kith and skin

Your family, your extended family

And your extended, extended family

Self -preservation, your livelihood, your life, your land

Hang on to it for grim death

And don’t budge an inch

 

Muslims know

The price to put on a woman’s soul

A camel, an ass, a case of whiskey

Gag them and bind them

With yashmak and burkha blind them

It’s all so fundamentally wrong

But I’d best keep my big, fat, western woman’s mouth shut

In case some one Rushdies off to put a fatwha on me

 

What’s it all about?

 

George W Bush knows

It’s black and it’s thick and it’s very unctuous

And it’s not his heart or soul I’m talkin about

Though it could be

It’s not worth dying for

But it’s worth someone else dying for…

 

Patriots know

As they wave and wear their flags

Proud and secure in their sense of belonging

Please Alistair Burnett,

Let there not be one English man, woman or child

On that coach that plunged off a cliff in Paraguay

‘And did those feet in ancient times

Walk upon English pastures green?’

I rather think not.

 

Anarchists know

Throw an egg, throw an omelette

Throw a party, throw up

Let em have it, put the boot in

Up the anti

What a riot…

 

The Klu Klux Clan and the BNP know

It’s all so black and white to them

 

Separatists know

Basque (I’m not thinking sexy)

Tamil Tigers (Still not sexy)

ETA (mmm ��" now we’re talkin).

They know

Kill a policeman, lob a bomb

‘New’ IRA, Fighters for Freedom!

But what do you do when you’ve got it?

No affect without cause

 

Hutus and Tutus know

Ditch the spear, grab a knife

Tear unborn child from warm belly

Get a life…

 

Communists know

That what is yours is mine

As they dig deep into your pockets

Dig deep with ice picks

Into the skulls of those who might just be

Of a different mind

 

Fascists know

That it’s all in the footwork

The goose step and the frog march

The takers and the took

You put your left arm in

Your left arm out

Peel the skin off a Jew

Then you turn the light out…

 

What’s it all about?

Thank God, Allah or whoever

Most of us just don’t have a clue

Until we’re dying of course

But I can tell you a man who does

No ��" I can tell you a woman who does

 

Cilla Black

Cilla

Lorra lorra laughs

What’s your name and where d’you cum

Black

She knows.

 

No bible, no Quran, no dead sea scrolls

No constitution

No dib dib dib

 

Just a heavy script and some great lyrics

 

 

(sung)

‘As far as I can tell

There’s a heaven above Alfie

One where even non-believers

Can believe in

I believe in love, Alfie..'

 

I’ll let you reach your own conclusion.