Hey Cyn - Winterwalk - (only my 2 cents!!) - I wouldn't fiddle with it - this poem is just about perfect as it is - "girlhood" included. IMHO, if you fiddle too much you can sometimes get a technically "better" work (maybe) but you often lose it's flow, it's soul, it's heart, and this one is so strong at that, that it'd be a real shame. Absolute perfection doesn't exist & for me, this is the best poem I've seen on WOL in a very very long time. all the best. B

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@Cynthia: Thank you for your comment on 'Nearly Moon'. The grammar IS the very thing at issue here. Words encroach, words displace and they do so awkwardly. As you read it the flow of the poem IS jarred as is my 'thinking'. My 'thinking' interferes with my emotions. I'm glad you have noted this Cynthia. :o) PS I will do a version just for you.

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@Cynthia: The 'nearly' is a representation of both the partial physical obliteration by cloud and the diminution by reflection and the feelings that are encroached with the need to formulate a representation -literally-.

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Hi Cyn - I'm sorry, I can't remember. I just had a quick look back & none ring any bells on that score. I did post one called "when we met" but that was about a dream, and not the missus (and it said so in the poem). We've been married nine years in January & she's called Yuree. thanks. all the best. B

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Season's greetings to you too. I've passed your comment on to the techies who are the ones who deserve the praise - nothing to do with me guv.
Paul

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Thank you for paying me a visit and for your lovely comment Cynthia. My latest offering was one our priest commissioned for the Christmas eve mass - it was so difficult hitting the right mark - not too controversial but not too pious. I decided to post it cos it is a memory of how I saw 2010 out. I'm not sure it fits on this site though, which is why I disabled comments.
It is far too long since we met! I will try to pay a visit to Sale at the end of Jan - that is always a very good night. I was sorry to miss your guest spot recently - I would like to have been there. Hope you and Stan had a good Christmas - it is lovely to hear from you. xx

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Hi Cynthia - thank you very much indeed for troubling to comment on Dusk Patrol, The Truce and Christmas Cameos - I certainly agree about spacing on the latter - will try to work the lower case idea subject to memory which you suggested on Dusk Patrol - and in answer to your question about canals in the Sale area - I haven't visited there yet but aren't canals just a gift for painting a picture with the pen - also I would love to see some of your scenic poems on screen - thanks again for giving me such encouragement you're a star

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Hi Cynthia - re: Rockpools - blessed I feel by your v kind comments - much obliged indeed

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And so a litany of thanksgiving arise, Cynthia. My gratitude for your support and interaction. Mys suspicion is that paginated poetry like everything classical shall endure the test of time. Cheers, Frederick

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Hi Cynthia Thanks again for your kind comments. I didn't know whether the traditional rhyme and metre would put people off, but I thought I needn't it to go with the very formal title - sounds a bit like John Milton! I bet he wouldn't have been as laid back as me about it all. Have now got two delightful little Muslim grandsons as well!

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Many thanks for your kind words of comment Cynthia. I am pleased that you have seen in this poem (Bemused Rumination) what quite a few would be reviewers have not recognised. I am grateful and most appreciative for your input and time. Cheers, Frederick

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Hello Cynthia. Thanks for comments on Santa. I can see what you mean about Dickens, Darwin, but the way I say the poem it would disrupt the rhythm too much.And rhythm is king.

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Slowly, silently, now the moon
Walks the night in her silver shoon;
This way, and that, she peers, and sees
Silver fruit upon silver trees;
One by one the casements catch
Her beams beneath the silvery thatch;
Couched in his kennel, like a log,
With paws of silver sleeps the dog;
From their shadowy cote the white breasts peep
Of doves in a silver-feathered sleep;
A harvest mouse goes scampering by,
With silver claws, and silver eye;
And moveless fish in the water gleam,
By silver reeds in a silver stream

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thanks Cynthia, for such positive feedback and comments,
always very much appreciated
peace to you! x

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thanks for the comment Cynthia

Mormon was more of a response to the anti-gay sentiment expressed by the mormon church. They actively raised funds to vote yes on Prop 8 in Cali and wouldn't allow blacks to join their congregation this the late 70s. I hear from Wikileaks that they also funded christian terrorists in Iran. Sounds pretty violent to me.

In the nativity piece, Joseph slurs his words because he is drunk. He has always struck me as a very forgotten character. He didn't impregnate Mary and Jesus told him he wasn't his father. I think that would be enough to turn any man to drink.

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There is a new discussion topic on ghazals which may interest you, I remember you asking for a template ages ago, well it's finally here! :-) Win

http://www.writeoutloud.net/public/newsgroupview.php?NewsGroupsID=3&NewsThreadsID=1127#msgcontent_11384

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Hi Cynthia, thanks for the comments on In My Dreams You're Alive. I have left some more on the blog page. Glad you liked, Win X

maybe required reading for British poets, Who live in Yorkshire, on a boat, etc. lol

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Hi Cynthia, thanks for comments on moules, Well I wish I could say there was some deep and complex double meaning, but this one just appeared in my head and went straight down on the page whilst on a train trip recently. Win x

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Yes you are a moon goddess. My website is www.mooncalendar.me.uk if you want to find out all about the calendar, and on that site you will find a button that says BUY NOW, linked to PayPal, but if you prefer the oldfashioned way, you can just copy the address and send me a cheque and I will send you moon calendars as per order. I have put quite a few poems on the website too.'girl' is not easy to rhyme is it, and you see I had elided 'glass' in the second stanza, a nice example of cohesion there, so I had to put 'glass' in somewhere. Also people make such a fuss about to rhyme or not to rhyme that I feel embarrassed to be searching for rhymes. It can get too contrived easily.

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Cynthia
Thanks for your comments on Tale from the North Country. I can enjoy free verse, but for me the essence of poetry is rhythm. I find the management of syllabic stress the real challenge of writing verse.
I think this sort of advice on keeping warm ought to be made available on the BBC for pensioners through Public Service Announcements.

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Hi Cynthia, thanks for your comments on Snow on the Pass. I've put some background to it on the poem's blog. You were exactly right to think that "bereavement without a funeral" meant "no closure". The "no music" line was just about an inability to listen to any kind of music in case it brought back painful memories. I found the idea of having to shut music out of your life really shocking. Greg

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Too right Cynthia. I have never gone in for pills, but the mess around me threatens to swallow me up. It had some sort of rhyme and reason to it before Mum died, but then I moved all her nostalgic junk in here, just in case she came back for it, maybe, or in the slim hope that the next generation will be interested, and I am overwhelmed by it. There are two boxes of photographs tabulating the last century for example. I should be turning them all into poems, but I am also working at improving my drawing, selling the Moon calendar and involved with two voluntary organisations, one as Chair, so I am now having to get my head round redundancy legislation. This government are the pitts, so poetry slips into the background, much as it is my first love.

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Sun 28th Nov 2010 16:46Hi Cynthia - thank you for the suggestion I will try and re work it as you suggest even if a format doesn't spring easily to mind - much obliged

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Hi Cynthia,
Thankyou for your comments on 'throwing out the sun'
your interpretation was spot on :)
kind regards
Rachael. x

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How right you are Cynthia. I was being very lazy slipping into 'sleep and heap'. I actually wrote the poem on my mobile phone note pad that morning in the wood so it is unrevised but i wanted to share it. I am enjoying this new burst of creativity and also the friendly comments from yourself and others. Thank you thank you for noticing the title. It was because i was so chuffed with it that I wanted to share the poem right away.

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Thanks for your comment Cynthia. Always very much appreciated. How on earth I missed out a whole word twice is beyond me! T

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Thanks for your comment on my sonnet. I know i've take forever to respond but I've been away from the internet this week. Be interesting to hear any criticisms you have :)

much love

James

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Glad you enjoyed Chinese Buffet. Certainly no offense intended by using the Chinese voice. As an aside I really enjoy the sense of humour and gentle self-deprecation the proprietor of the Wa Yu Wan Restaurant in Spalding has!

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Thank you for your observations on my poem.It was mercury the element...well spotted, de-capitalised now. It was a reference to 'fluids' always finding their own level through the topography...finding the quickest route down, the 'line of least resistance' until it pools...into a small 'moon' that mirrors the large moon in the sky. the idea of mercury was also reference to the colour and the effect that, as they warm up, most (all?) fluids run faster and faster. Mercury always seems to be a speedy little fluid...even though it is a metal.I still think, as Isobel said, it's missing one more line now, I think I've edited it too hard and lost a certain degree of oblique reference to what the guilt was all about. I was trying to capture what I think the French refer to as 'post coital tristesse'...or something.

Post coitum omne animal triste est —"After sexual intercourse every animal is sad".


Glad you liked it.

:)

Jx

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thanks for your comments on raspberry fib :) I don't know about when to stop or start really . My freind here Ian Hayles loves the constraints of form and half challenged me to write a fibonacci sequenced poem. This really appealed because I love the Fibonacci sequence ( nature never wastes a pattern ) and raspberries are just such a fruit.
others seem to repeat or take a set finish . I suppose in research I could've found out the sequence end for a rasberry and used that .. I have only looked at a couple of websites for guidence ,wiki being the simplest so far

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Hello Cynthia, nice to hear from you. I don't have a name for this structure (or even know if there is one) as it was really inspired by music strangely. Also my first poem inspired by a dream. I admit it really is a leap of faith to both write and read. Definitely out of MY comfort zone. Regards, Graham

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Hi Cynthia,
Thanks very much for reading and commenting on 'Miles of Space Between Us' - I know what you mean about the helplessness of bridging the gap ... very much the reason behind the poem. Your comments are always much appreciated, though I have now removed that poem.
Cx

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Thanks, Cynthia, for your lovely comments on Colours. Your kindness about my writing always gives me a warm glow, whether it's deserved or not

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Hi Cynthia - thanks for wondering if I was swimming round my cottage! Where we are we are very lucky, no probs at all. And what did you mean by "How do you get on 'voice' for reading?" I don't understand! :)

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thanks for the comment on space ,
solar plexus , i was pleased when i realised i could call the chakra that :)

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Many thanks Cynthia re: your encouraging comments on "Post Past". Lovely to hear from you.

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Thanks Cyn (when I grow up)
all the best. B. xx

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Hi Cynthia - ta for your comment on Bike. No, I didn't want to change anything either :)

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Ta for your comments on the knitting poem. I'd rather not qualify my intents but if people are asking/wondering it seems churlish.

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Hi there. Thanks for your message of support re WOL. And yes, I did tag my poem with 'hedonism' didn't I? I guess I was thinking of it as a kind of fun abandonment; a lapse in rigidity, both formal and sexual. It's not a life philosophy of mine, by the way. The poem is purely hypothetical.

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Hi Cynthia, thanks for comment on my poem 'Clearance Lines.'
These days i would rather allow the readers to come to their own conclusions when reading my stuff and love reading their own interpretations of it for comparison to my own but..seeing as you asked for a little more...

It's actually based on the visions in a meditation and quite personal to me in the sense of past, present and future.
I think the dead mouse is me :-)
The rest is de-clutter of stuff/baggage :-)
Isaiah in this particular case is a loose reference to becoming a seer or seeing the future.(my future)
I decided not to embellish on anything else i saw ahead of me. Let's just say the future looks bright :-)

I'm thoroughly enjoying this phase of short poems for however long it lasts and really appreciate your input.x

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Hi Cynthia, thanks for comments on the bravely of experimental poetry. Some lengthy comments left on the blog itself. Win x

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Hi Cyn - (legion) thanks for the comments - it's a fly on a fly-paper, so the "ignominious way to go" is "mine" (ie the fly) xx

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querulous questions? Points and queries? Polenta and quorn? Na Na I don't know.

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I was also very into Lawrence until I started reading feminist criticisms of him and realised that his was a strongly patriarchal view. Not his fault perhaps, product of his time, and also I realise he was trying to present class oppression, but actually got seduced into the Bloomsbury view of class. All the same his prose had a huge effect on me.

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Hi Cynthia,
Just noticed your query about the tide.
The River Lune is tidal up to and beyond the weir, and you can see the swell of the tide meeting the flow of the water and pushing it back, so that the river level rises. When there is a lot of rain in the hills the river is strongly forcing itself down to the sea, and the tide engages in battle with it. Obviously there is a lot more water in the river anyway, and watching that trial of strength between the river and the sea, taking place twice a day, but at times of heavy rain it becomes really spectacular, I was conscious of those elemental forces that Lawrence writes so vividly about. The meeting of the two becomes a seam, where the water boils and churns. The currents must be fierce, but you can see eddies where the surface seems very smooth and calm, and fragile leaves float, then the current snatches them and sweeps them away.
Thank you for asking the question. It has brought the wonder of it back to me. I loved living alongside the Lune. It is such a living, viscous river.

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I see what you mean Cynthia. I guess we all instinctively play to our own strengths - we have to be true to our own feelings or the poetry doesn't come. Just as you don't like to write 'romantically' I couldn't write about the mechanics of sex - or about the philosophical subjects you raise. Once you raise them though, I like to take my own emotional angle on them LOL. This site is great for that. Emotions are what bring poetry to life for me - I am hopelessly sentimental - and probably a romantic at heart, if the truth be known.
It is always fascinating discussing things with you - you would make a great dinner guest - shame I don't do dinner parties!

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I don't see it as romanticism Cynthia - though perhaps you didn't really mean that word. I see it as sharing humanity. I think I am a deeply empathetic person - I can sense and feel pain - that makes it easier to write about. As I said to Banksy, we are all wired differently. What moves one person will make another squirm... So long as you can feel, I guess expressing that feeling isn't as important. x

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Howdy Cynthia - cheers for your comment on The Road. It started as me musing on what other metaphor for life I could write about, apart from a museum. Then as I thought 'road', a ton of stuff fell through my head :D I like how you've phrased the process though - poetical in itself :)

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Hello Cynthia, thanks for the response to my little alphabet exercise.I am trying to get writing again and these exercises are fun.

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