pain 

swallowed whole

stomach churns

muscles tense

thoughts clench

teeth gnash

focus: complete

joy

bubbles up

tingles spine

obliterates pain

tickles fancies

obscures truth

color: rose

stillness

creates space

lacks emotion

reveals truth

sparks creation

stirs change

power: infinite

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Here comes arrogance again,

slipping into our conversation

like bacteria on a sneeze,

threatening to strangle

my humble light of being.

The challenge is to continue talking,

without letting it infect me.

My soul gives yours a wink,

understanding that compassion

is the antibody. 

# # #

https://youtu.be/z-NgDbK9N6g

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Hollow she is who gives the smile 

Hollow he is who fills a soul 

Hollow he is who cries in secret 

Never to let the world know what he is really thinking

Hollow she is who covers her face 

The beautiful make up 

Hides all that she distaste 

Hollow we are when trying to hide the pain 

Hollow is us, who choose to remain unnamed.

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Dont worry my brothers,

Save a spot for me cus I'll see you soon.

These thoughts and memories,

The dreams that consume.

Me...

Had me thinking on life, feel choked till I can't breathe.

Losing my people, blinded me to the better things in life I couldn't see.

Losing these people brought tremendous amounts of pain.

Moving on in life, till my heart froze and changed.

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A lone wolf walks amongst the highest peak.

See's the life of a bright beautiful moon.

The wolf stares in awe and howls, till the lungs feel weak

But notices the moon doesn't move.

He howls louder yet theres no change.

So he tries to climb higher so he can see.

He howls once more.

Mesmerised by a beauty that's so free.

The next night comes, in awe he howls again.

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I am at the pit of my breakdown

Saying goodbye to sleep I once loved

Food I could once eat without nausea 

Dreams 

That once allowed rest

Help me 

I pray 

Sitting on the floor sobbing 

Do I allow this pain to make me human

Or wish it away?

I bring these matters to You 

I cannot do it alone 

I’m still processing 

Picking out the safest part...

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You left me

        half-full plant pot ashtrays, old mugs of midnight teas, a jacket you spent too much on, the dregs from cheap red wine, rolled up train tickets, desecrated baggies,

                                                                              and a dent on your side of the bed.

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While the world
goes about their day
talking about trival things, 
laughing their troubles away,
I am struck with 
paralyzing pain
that I try to contain. 

Everyone close to me 
is oblivious 
to my suffering.

Why should they care?
They have their own 
drama to deal with.
There is nothing 
anyone can do anyway. 

Meanwhile, my body
betrays me more 
each passing day.

I want t...

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Do you ever want to 
hold on to a moment 
because it feels divine?

A moment when the stars align, 
and everything is fine. 

A moment when you make peace 
with your past, and your pain. 

A moment when there is 
no sorrow, no shame.

A moment when fear
takes a hike.

A moment when the sky is clear, 
the air is forgiving,
and sun shines bright. 

A moment when everything 
feel...

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I feel a pain sear through my head,

bloodied rocks tumble to the ground.

Sinner, Sinner, covered in red,

searching for peace that’s not yet found.

I lift an arm to shield my eyes,

blackened blood trickles down my cheek.

From myself I try to hide,

to God above, I cannot speak.

“Child,” a hand’s placed on my shoulder,

“there is no need to be in pain.”

He lifts...

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To expunge them from my mind

That's the only thing I wish I could do for myself that I feel utterly incapable of doing

I'm at war with my thoughts and memories

Old wounds echoing in the present

Ripping my heart as fresh as it tore years ago

A different face, a different name

An altogether different entity and demeanor

But I can hear the words from your mouth as if he's spoken ...

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I have loved you for years
but our love has been a rollercoaster ride
a battlefield of our souls fighting
our hearts breaking over and over

We both prefer our solace
it hurts less 
than for us to be together and 
fighting over a love that will remain
                                                              ... a battlefield

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Beautifully Broken

People surround me but inside I stand in solitude. I have slowly become victim to the sickness parade giving it way to ravage my passion and spirit.  

Despair clutches my soul tightly in her hand creating a continuum of anguish and relentless torture.  My vices allow her to slumber, but soon she wakes refreshed with the energy of a young fawn on an early spring day.  She a...

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I am applauded for my supposed talents and works. Can’t they see these talents and works are nothing more than self-loathing’s reign over me.

Her quiet whispers are boundless as she drenches my ear with invectives and affirms my triviality.  Her voice has become a familiar melody that serenades my mind and her song confronts anyone who challenges her position. 

I attempt to war against her w...

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Brutal truths
... heard and felt
without any 
pretty words


I have tried
and failed
One day, you will need to read the
filed memories
and absorb all my pain

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An unhappy marriage is like a bad tooth;

At first you ignore the obvious truth:

Something is wrong; it's causing you pain,

But you have no time to consult your brain.

So you take a pill -or have a drink or three,

Hoping to relieve your agony;

But the pain escalates until one day,

You realise it's not going away;

You're gripped with a feeling of horror and fear,

It can't ...

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I loved you like I loved storms. I was fascinated by every strike of lightning and each gust of wind, the sheer power of it, the wind I mistook for passion and the ferocity I believed was simply something to pass with the movement of clouds.
Little did I know the damage caused to my being every second I caught myself standing in its wake.

I loved you far more than you deserved. I loved you a...

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I remember the fire in his eyes, burning red and hot like the devil's. Sometimes it was just a flicker, a blink, and a temporary fade when we were out in public. Other times it lit and caught and consumed his entire person and mine as well. I melted under the heat of those flames. It melted my strength, my dignity, everything I stood for. It made me feel weak. It burnt me, enough to carry those sa...

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Let's let our thoughts tango and let our souls mate

my heart on my sleeve, on display

she is my armor, forever with fervor

worth the search for, pain couldn't hurt more

Her radiance blazes, visually a spectacle

her calming presence.

In essence, my mind linger.

Drift off to the cosmos. to a place where space and time coincide

I see her constellation and engage, warp drive

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I'm dedicated. Not addicted. I'm in control. It's my desicion. I say what And I say where. And if you ask jus rig;;

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pull out thre trigger u know how it go 

call up lil leek cuz he still got that 4

when I'm down bad I do not got nopbody

release all my problems when I drink this bottle 

still fucking hoes man I just fucked this model 

nobody know about all of my problems 

call up tequila u know she gon solve it 

I wanna stop drinking but I got nobody 

I try to reach out but they always dec...

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I've tried to write this

Fifty times over

Each time I get closer

But somehow still miss

I miss something

In what I want you to know

I miss something

In saying I don't want to let go

If this is goodbye

Then say it now

I'll give up the fight

I'll let you walk out

And forever

I'll miss

You

I've loved you like no other

I've never held...

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Were are you now my love
My sorrow my pain
For love is pain
Sharper than blades
Explosive  bombs  distructive  grenades
A mix of all emotions
Heat from the sun waves of the oceans
Heart and soul bottled as potions
Nothing but a cork keeping them in
Oh fragile glass bottle oh cork screw of sin
Remain untouched no pressure applied
Unaggravated carefully  captured inside
To speak is ...

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Be with me if I got it all
Stay with me if I lose it all
Catch me if I fall
Be my rock so I can stand tall
Stay with me through the bad and good times
I promise you we gone get it together and ball
Don’t tell your friends our problems
People close be the ones that want you to fall
You just told me you love me
I know It’s not love it’s lust
You just glad you finally fucking me
You won’t ...

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I left yo love in a cell 
My momma screaming 
Imma go to hell 
But see fuck that 
She ain’t even pay my bail 
Tired of feeling like shit 
Always feeling like I failed 
Mf that I know I failed 
Steadyin going to jail 
But I’ll never tell 
Never been loved 
Can’t you tell 
Give them my heart 
Just for them to bail
A lot of pain in my heart 
So don’t ask me why I yell
I know umma go t...

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She’s a bright star, within the unlit night 

Guiding others through, the tough thing, that we call life 

Her strength is beyond admirable to all 

And even if she should ever fall 

She would somehow, pull though 

The things, that to others, it would inevitably un-do 

Her beauty and grace, isn’t just a way to save face 

She's had to fight great wars, every single day 

Even wh...

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Days pass way too fast

It's hard to invision, that we'll last

Running onwards, aimlessly

Without allowing our truths, to set us free

When will we gain control?

Stop plodding on too slow?

Not one of us really knows,

We just continue with the flow

I dream of the day, they set us free

Finally able to live the way, we want to be

Just me and you for eternity

A...

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Building brick walls

to climb

and pretend to fall

cutting short a lifetime

Bricks I haul

covered in grime

pushing back the urge to bawl

at the memories of war crimes.

I smile at passerbys

and give an enuthastic wave

pretending to not be shattered by

the man who dug my grave.

I'd rather see

the expected conclave

between myself and the galaxy

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Your boot is pressed against my neck
While you peer into the horizon,
A beautiful symphony of warm and cool colors 
Creating a mesmerizing dawn.
My gasps of anguish are muffled by your song.
I don't know how to get to my knees,
Let alone stand, but I'll try.
My face grinds against the ground
Attempting to make sand of stone.
You press down harder against my neck.
The pressure is astoundi...

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Not all tornadoes

      rip and ravage wide swaths

      across grasslands, the flat prairies

      nor deep into the wet pungent air

      of old plantation country.

      No! No Joplin nor Tuscaloosa, here.

                       These drop

                         bomb-like

                         from the

                         turbulent

                       ...

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kiss me on the mouth

let me be; set me free

to be trapped against you

pain I wish nothing on

to wrap arms you know

i can not deny

when to hold her brings joy

let me know

let me be; set me free

wish against me not away

to understand nothing is a void

unhappiness be where you know not

do not fight, my love

endings to soon to show

but listen to direction and ...

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Words die before they give birth to expression..
Days end with languish and thoughts of abandon.. 
Never a glimmer,never a hint of admission.. 
Like the desert soil yearns to soak itself in the mizzle.. 
Like the parallel tracks always meet in a splendid illusion..
Hearts sing in unison the notes the minds won't dare to reckon.. 
Love draws strength from connections and not from otiose affir...

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Waves of colours cruising across the passage of time.. 
Crimson violent rages of youth determined to wipe out grime.. 
Yet xanthous cowardly and naive 
ways
To unlearn safe lessons to
 appraise
Uplifting hues of orange turns addictive.. 
Materialism and fame gets alliterative 
Leaden grey old age brings listful weariness.. 
Rainbows of life are mere shades of misery and ecstatic happiness...

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I wanted to do a poem today to provoke a thought or thinking about the insanity of taking drugs. I have known many people succumb to Heroin and painkillers, alcohol and it all seems so futile I myself suffered with addiction through mental illness. Its a terrible thing and very dark. So here is my attempt at describing this disease.

Bereft of feeling

Stare into the abyss
eyes burning...

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Was it me or was it you who died that night.. 
Those bridges mended weren't strong enough.. 
The bonding could not ascend any dizzying height..  
Was it me or was it you who died that night..
It wasn't a dream ever to expect a shining armor knight 
Our alliance to the world outside was a simple and charming bluff.. 
Was it me or was it you who died that night..
You lost my trust yet we are ...

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Is it a Curse .. or God's Grace 
To live alone heart and place 
Suffering what I always face 
Hopeless to be myself again 
 

Are these changes good for me 
To be lonely always or not to be 
To live away of what I see 
I lost my hope and brain 
 

Sadly to wake up and sleep 
Painful to feel yourself cheap 
Living alone hurts in deep 
I wish to know why, but i...

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Someday the lights will slowly dim away.. 
Someday the spirit of life will gradually ebb..
Someday you will degage and walk away.. 
Someday the quest will die enmeshed in a web.. 
Someday the reverie  will shatter into million pieces.. 
Walking away from the dreams and crazy caprices.. 
Someday the chapter will find its last remnants.. 
 But then that day my soul will float in a complete ab...

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There was no time left to repent.Her time had come.. 
Her serene face made one quiver
All those years of going away made this parting so painful..
Her face will haunt always in the years to come.. 
Her transgressions all forgotten 
yet the happy memories almost obscured by the time when all it was a vacant wall between them.
One wonders if they had more time together, would that have led to ...

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I wish your body was mine.

I long for our souls to be tangled.

All I crave is connection.

All I seek is approval.

Our savagery is forever,

The killing of time itself.

All I can afford is hope,

But that’ll never be enough.

Take me away from the light

And show me your teeth.

I’ll always be weak to your desires.

So take out your frustrations on me

And leave this pi...

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I can see your eyes when I close mine.

I can feel your panic when you see my lips move.

I don’t want this. Please.

I’ll push everything into a corner, where it’ll stay, and it’ll only be graced by a glance.

I’m going to push you away.

Expect it.

Crave it.

Let it nourish every fucking negative idea you’ve every had of me.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

I have nothin...

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As libations enter my heart,

I feel nothing but cold dark space.

When I think of where we are now,

All I see is a tenantless void.

The only thing I crave is a thought;

Just a simple acknowledgement.

All I want is the hope that you’ll give yourself to me.

So prey upon my flesh

And consume it for your pleasure.

All I want is to wander

In this wonderland of hate.

I ne...

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I crave a long talk with you

The kind where we sit in your car at 1 a.m. and tell 

eachother about our hopes and dreams 

hoping for a better future and begging for a fresh start

I miss the nights where we kicked it in my basement 

when you not only played my guitar but my heart

when you told me you were scared of what was coming next 

and I told you I believed in you 

I lon...

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I swear I miss u 
I even wrote a Boone about u 
In 2016 I was willing to die bout u 
It was a high even when I lye next to u 
I swear I would lie for u 
Babygirl yo love was strong 
I knew you’ll die for me 
I’m depressed ,I’m back drinking 
I know you probably like 
“Wtf is he thinking” 
But when I’m drunk i just be pacing 
When I’m high I be contemplating 
I wish the love would’ve la...

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Her skin can open up like a mouth

It can speak

When it parts

It can extend like a tongue

It can taste

Your arteries are seams

Try to unpeel them

Slip off your flesh

Undress

Search your pores

For secret trap doors

Let the inside out

Part it like a mouth

Like hers

It can speak

Unfold the red carpets

Of rolled and folded tongue

Let it searc...

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Let me move to a new place,
Where none knows my name,
And I know they will  start judging,
As Everyone is just the same.
But till then ,
Let me find a new love, 
New memories to let go my pain,
You can take my hand,
And please ask me to dance in the rain.
I know our love would break,
Just like all other affairs I had,
Some would say I had no brains, 
And I am the reason you are sad,
B...

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I attempted suicide,

But I didn't die,

Not losing my life,

But what it means to be alive.

I'm drained of all motivation to continue,

But also of all strength to follow through,

I shouldn't be here,

It hurts, but it's true.

My days feel so long,

My existence feels so wrong,

I can't look at life the same,

Because I simply don't belong.

I can't be happy,

Or even...

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Today I learnt to cry alone,

Soon I’ll learn to live alone too..

Walking through the grass

Running on the fields

Climbing the mountains

You were always a shield...

Never imagined a life without you,

Neither in dreams we were away,

In laughter in tears I was with you,

I was with you each night each day,

From feeling of hope to thought to love,

Each da...

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I saw my future before my eyes for the first time in my life 
It wasnt just ideas but plans with who I 
pictured my wife 
The mother of my children and my partner 
through strife

But I lost it 

It was almost here and gone in a moment
It felt so good but now there's pain and I 
ow it 
Started to slip away so I desperately tried 
to hold it 

But now it's gone 

Was it my fault? I'...

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You do not exist anymore 

Scientifically speaking, 

You are absolutely nothing 

Unconscious, intangible, not there. 

You exist in my mind, 

Poetically speaking, 

You live on through that funny anecdote

Or recipe, your legacy, our memory.  

You are my tragic backstory, 

Therapeutically speaking, 

The key to solving why I am the way I am 

What you made me w...

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And all at once

We revisted the site

Where the wounded lie

We examined their injuries

Doing our best to determine

If they were fatal

It requires a detached rationale

It laughs in the face of pure emotion

For life is smarter than you think

Forever your opponent

Even when pretending

To be a friend

For life brought me you

Star crossed

And ...

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